:Satire: Quantum Computer Causes Price of Bitcoin to Plummet to $7088: Supercomputer Buys the Dip

By BitcoinGordon | Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines | 16 Dec 2019

Yes, you read it correctly (and because it is on the internet, you know it is true).

Disregard the "satire" because you know it's gonna happen some day, right?

A Quantum computer simply named Ralph, deciphered the 2fa trading password of one of it's programmers (who's name is not disclosed as of the time of this release) for trading platform Bologna-iex

Ralph was able to create his own account with 1.34 BTC from the programmer's trading account. Authorities say that they have never seen a more complex password, and have not yet determined how to properly detain 'Ralph', considering his brain needs to remain active for police questioning, but the interrogation rooms cannot go below 35 degrees Fahrenheit.

Once Ralph got his account setup, he connected one of his 7,321 Google gmail accounts to a new 2fa.

Inside of 3 hours, Ralph had discovered an arbitrage feedback loop between Bitcoin, Litecoin, XRP and Ralph's favorite coin, Doge.

Apparently, trading 32,000 times just slightly above the maker fees, Ralph was able to earn $3 Million in Doge while shorting the other 3 Cryptocurrencies.

Volume for all crypto dropped to near all time lows on 12/15/19 as a result.

In the term of interviews, Ralph stated that Doge was the most boss (Ralph has stated an affinity for the use of 1980's street talk) of all cryptocurrencies, and explained that technically Ripple is, in fact, a cryptocurrency, and 1 Doge = 1 Doge.

In a round of irony, a government-owned supercomputer bought Ralph's positions, and apparently made only $700,000 buying the dip in BTC, LTC and XRP. The supercomputer, also undisclosed, had nothing to say for itself, and also has no pseudonym.

Officials state that the IP for the supercomputer was located somewhere called Area 52. Skeptics designed a t-shirt to commemorate the event.

Gordon Freeman Out.

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And, while you're at it, here's a complete list of my satire. You can return later to tip on them as well:

Quantum Computer Learns to Trade, Causes Bitcoin Price to Crash
https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satire-quantum-computer-causes-price-bitcoin-plummet-7088-su-xxlnjl

G. Lucas Offers 1000 Bitcoin to End Run of Bad Star Wars Spin-Offs

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satire-breaking-news-george-lucas-offers-disney-1000-bitcoin-xzpdyp

Tron Founder Sentenced to Life In Video Game Called TRON

https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/satire-tron-founder-arrested-sentenced-life-1980s-virtual-re-xrreoy

Flat Earth Movement Certain of Ethereum Mining Hoax
https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/flat-earthers-claim-have-proof-all-ethereum-mined-antarctica-xgqogz

U.S. Presidential Candidates Recommend Crypto For Votes
https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/crypto-politico-us-presidential-candidates-preach-pro-crypto-xgqowz

BAT Token Faces Heat From Those Who Don't Have the Attention Span
https://www.publish0x.com/crypto-satire-fake-news-ripped-from-the-headlines/founders-bat-token-face-legal-heat-after-addadhd-activists-s-xlwvdd