:Satire: Breaking News: George Lucas Offers Disney 1,000 Bitcoins to 'Stop Pitching Bad Star Wars Scripts'

By BitcoinGordon | Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines | 16 Dec 2019

Satire means this ain't real... but hoping it's real funny.

In a surprising press release Saturday of an undisclosed year, George Lucas officially requested that Disney Executives "stop coming up with terrible side-stories about precious legacy Star Wars icons". To let the world's wealthiest mouse know he meant business, Lucas reportedly offered up 1,000 Bitcoins as a digital cease-and-desist from bad force karma.

The world may never know what poorly constructed scripts we've all been spared, but blockchain experts did note a single transaction of exactly 1,000 Bitcoins leaving an address to a second address the day after the release was posted.

When asked for a comment, Lucas allegedly proclaimed "...it's not like any of the Disney-wars spin-offs have been all that bad... I mean... you know, not Jar Jar bad, but the public has no idea the scripts I get served from Disney on a daily basis. Since I've been doing this cryptocurrency thing, I didn't really give it much attention. But, it was actually one of my millennial assistants who forced me to pay more attention. In an attempt to soften the back-story of numerous key components of the original saga, one person suggested we convert the death star into the 'candy star' where, instead of a death ray, it rains Mousketeer milk chocolate on lucky planets, as part of a new candy-line Disney subsidiary. Another suggested Anakin's name be changed to ABC Skywalker, as a plug for Disney's television network. Finally, I realized I had to put my foot down somewhere. Money's great, but I've got all this Bitcoin now, so my name matters more to me than giving Disney full creative freedom."

No one can blame Lucas for his position, but one has to also consider the source. It's not like the creator of full-scale merchandising can take too much of a high-and-mighty over Disney. And, when all is said and done, it IS Lucas' fault for Jar Jar. It's a cruel, cruel world, no matter which galaxy, and no matter whether near near, or far, far away.

Gordon Freeman Out.

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