Ancient U.K. Tech Company Coinfloor Exchange Chooses to Force Coins to the Floor - :Satire: kinda

By BitcoinGordon | Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines | 18 Dec 2019

In a bizarre "this can't really be real, can it?" strategic move, Digital Currency Technology company Coinfloor quite literally wants to see the most important Digital Currency go to the floor.

Unless every news outlet has the same fake story wrong, I don't even have to make this one up. But, I will stretch the truth further just to show how stupid this is.

Ethereum, while cautiously and strategically planning their upgrades for ETH 2.0 in a carefully thought out, planned series of upgrades, is apprently too tech savvy to deserve it's #2 in the world trading status on Coinfloor. Because once again, even I can't make this stuff up:

From the point at which it starts next year, ethereum’s platform upgrade “could take years to complete,” said Obi Nwosu, founder and CEO of Coinfloor. The complexity of the operation “means for a period of time there could be two versions of ethereum running.”

This editorialist takes note of Obi Notwannaworki's lack of respect for lower-case ETH in public statements of absolute rubbish.

If other exchanges follow suit, this could be one of the most remarkably stupid years for crypto ever. Let's certainly hope not.

In deserving satirical news, other businesses make the hard Christmas decision to discontinue their flagship products for similar reasons.

Ford decides to no longer focus on automobiles with moving parts because "ugh, all that stuff you have to do with, you know toolssss".

Frigidaire plans to shift their focus from the world's finest refrigerators, to "fancy shiny boxes to store stuff in" because... wiring.

McDonalds to remove all boxes and bags from their free offerings, sighting that "simply handing them burgers and fries is much kinder to the planet".

Oh, and because one top-tier coin ain't enough, Obi will be delisting Bitcoin Cash as well, because, you know, if you want to really wreck your business why not do it gangsta style.

Seriously, read the original article, search it on Google, read it at the top of their web page. They're literally declaring war against technology, and it ain't like they've been bringing their "A" game against CZ either. Everyone, grab hands and pray this isn't how other idiots choose to enter in the New Year, or we're all going to have to find something else to write about.

Gordon Freeman Out.

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