News with more bite than bark
12 Jan 2023 1 minute read 2 comments SocraticDingo
CHICAGO — McDonald’s announced that Happy Meals will come with free glucose monitors starting in February. The monitors can connect to the McDonald’s app for exclusive deals and promotions. Sheila Surrey—a McDonald’s spokeswoman—responded to The...
4 Jan 2023 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
FAIRBANKS — A coalition of Alaskan wildlife, including moose, bears, lynxes, and many other species gathered outside of the University of Alaska Fairbanks in support of climate change. The coalition, Creatures for Climate Change, argue that warmer w...
12 Feb 2021 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
Hello friends Exciting news! I'm going to be a contributing satire news writer for The Porcupine Report. I thank you for your readership. Your attention helped me achieve this writing spot, and it has also helped me become a better writer. I've got...
10 Feb 2021 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
NEW YORK — 2020 started out great for Peter the Chinese pangolin, who used to work in the Wild Asia Monorail exhibit at the Bronx Zoo. Now, Peter’s struggling to make ends meet since he was laid off. “It all happened so fast, I had no time to...
9 Feb 2021 1 minute read 4 comments SocraticDingo
Keats screaming at Starbucks barista PORTLAND — A fight broke out in a local Starbucks when a young man, who wishes to remain anonymous, told the barista he’d cover the next customer’s order. Little did this good Samaritan...
8 Feb 2021 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
Kamala Harris laughing as she arrests a child WASHINGTON — Vice President Kamala Harris was caught placing drugs in Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s (R., KY) desk. Harris’ motives are unknown, although McConnell has been...
5 Feb 2021 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
Addison Rae (left) Boston Dynamics robot dog (right) NEW YORK — Charli and Dixie D'Amelio, Addison Rae, Jannat Zubair Rahmani, and other prominent TikTok influencers filed a class-action lawsuit against Boston Dynamics. The complaint sta...
4 Feb 2021 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
Comparison between Lex Luthor (left) and Jeff Bezos (right) WASHINGTON — Jeff Bezos announced today that he will step down from his CEO role at Amazon, Inc. Instead, he will use his considerable wealth to build a massive skyscraper and le...
3 Feb 2021 1 minute read 0 comments SocraticDingo
President Biden whispering sweet-nothings to uninterested baby WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden was caught locking lips with his newborn granddaughter at Holy Cross Health. His daughter, Ashley Biden, gave birth to her newborn daughter thi...
2 Feb 2021 2 minute read 4 comments SocraticDingo
DEA agent carrying a box of evidence from Dr. Fauci's home after the raid WASHINGTON — Late Monday evening, DEA agents raided chief medical advisor Dr. Fauci’s Northwest Washington home under a warrant to seize tons of stockpiled vitamin D, zi...
