Comparison between Lex Luthor (left) and Jeff Bezos (right)

WASHINGTON — Jeff Bezos announced today that he will step down from his CEO role at Amazon, Inc. Instead, he will use his considerable wealth to build a massive skyscraper and legally change his name to Lex Bezos, an homage to Superman’s richest foe. Bezos cites his uncanny likeness to the character, and his boredom with reality, as key motivations.

“After I’ve completed my transformation, I’ll use my invest my assets to bioengineer a Superman. Then, I’ll buy out Boston Dynamics from Hyundai—hell, I may even buy Hyundai—and create an army of robots for him to fight. I'll generate income through viral TikTok videos of the robots dancing with influencers,” Mr. Bezos announced at a press conference.

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