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Nukular Hula Coast

2 Apr 2023 6 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

While the West is hung up on hating and getting laid with itself, the East is amassing an arsenal of bootlegged Rock & Roll records with which to annihilate its weakened, auto-tuned disco opponents.  There is a sect of the Eastern Orthodox Music Scen...

When The World Invalidates You

29 Mar 2023 12 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

The aftermath of the Nashville shooting has become a brambled quagmire of quicksand and thorns, a maze of tiresome paradoxes through which reason and empathy slog in concrete sneakers, sinking waist-deep in the muck as soon as their feet touch the gr...

Killing The Bluebird In Your Heart

28 Mar 2023 5 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

“The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come.”Isaiah 57:1   This is going to be a short article, because the flashing casino spaceman...

The First-Ever Church of Doomsday Life

15 Mar 2023 13 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

One story I never tell is the one in which I married a stripper in Vegas and moved into an Airstream in Black Canyon City, Arizona, only to break down near Pismo Beach, California after spending a week or 2 on military property, and waking up to the...

American Desaparecidos

9 Mar 2023 6 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

So, Lindsey Graham, you want to invade Mexico.  I get it, you're tired of Fentanyl and open borders.  Hearing that the governor of Arizona possibly/probably launders money for one of the cartels is bad enough, but the kidnapping of 4 Americans in Mat...

Dances With Wolves & The Narco Clowns of Tamaulipas

7 Mar 2023 11 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

"To be a Gringo in Mexico — ah, that is euthanasia!" Ambrose Bierce   Mexican states have horrifying shapes.  One of the reasons Mexican travel advisory warnings are so scary is because the shapes of the states don't make any sense.  They look like p...

Cartoon Flowers on the Moon

2 Mar 2023 8 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

"And who is the Creator?""The Creator is that which created Vger.""Who is Vger?""Vger is that which seeks the Creator."From Star Trek: The Motion Picture   When Hernán Cortés landed in the New World in the 16th Century, the first thing he did was to...

Mexican Tranny Cartel Violence

21 Feb 2023 2 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

Satan activated his Transsexual Terror Cells in Mexico City today, and so the Mexican Tranny Cartel attacked the Mexican Congress, culminating in at least one whiny dude-like creature walking away with some scratches on his shins.  Like somebody who...

Observations of an American Infidel

20 Feb 2023 11 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

"I can hear the tolling of the bellOf the man I was before, I am a shellCash my welfare check and say farewellI'm proud to be an American Infidel."From American Infidel   In early 2003, I marched through Hollywood with 100,000 people, to protest the...

The History of Trees

19 Feb 2023 8 minute read 0 comments Nathan Payne

"Many years I've been away, Talking 'bout you night & day, Tellin' people 'bout my country" Dean Reed   While watching Adiós, Sabata recently, I became annoyed with the gringo thief Ballantine, played by Dean Reed.  After faking his death, Ballantine...