One particular thing after entering this dating site that really amazed me, was the amount of offers I got from young men.

And I mean REALLY young!

I couldn’t for my life figure out what those young men wanted with a middle-aged, menopausing, semi-fat woman. I wrote with many of them, trying to find out what they wanted to achieve in a relationship with a 47 year old. And some of them were indeed looking for an ongoing FWB-relationship and not only one-night stands.

Others – and most of them – were just looking for a fun night. And the possibility to be able to tell their mates that they had done an older woman. Fair enough, but they weren’t for me.

And some of them … wow … young, really pumped guys, who showed off their six- and eight-packs.
I mean … guys so handsome and beautiful, that it would kick my self-esteem to the bottom of the ocean. Never in a million years I would be naked together with one of those!

But the thought of going so young, just because I could, intrigued me.

Mr. Young Redhaired Stud was 36 and The Psychologist was 32, so I already had pushed some boundaries there. And for some reason I communicated really well with the younger men. Much better than with the men my own age. I don’t know if that shows my childish side or what, but I always had more fun writing with the youngsters. And … if I have to be totally honest … men my age tend to be some grumpy old men.

But I didn’t just want a one-night stand with some young guy. I wanted a longer lasting FWB relationship. I had Loco, but we didn’t get to see each other very often because of work and kids, and he found it really amusing that I was so intrigued by the younger men. Kept calling me cougar and what not.

Then ADHD-guy came along. A really sweet and good-looking man, and just 29. He was very much into tantra and told me how his mind always was running amok because of his ADHD, and the only time where his mind stood still, was when he was touching skin.
I also found tantra interesting, especially after the things I did with Doom, and wanted to experiment more with that, so he invited me over for a massage. If it had a happy end, we would see. I assumed it would.

This was actually the first time I had a direct sex date without a previous platonic date, so I was very nervous. Also – or especially – because he was 29! 18 years younger than me. He could have been my son! But at the same time … it was fun!
At some point in my future, I will be able to sit in a nursery home, play bingo with old Betty and brag about the youngsters I have conquered. That’s kind of funny, right?

I went to his house and got the most fantastic massage that I ever had. And he was right. Before the massage, he jumped all over the place, finding drinks, smoking cigarettes, fetched this and that, but from the moment he laid his hands on me, he was completely calm and focused. It was amazing to see the transformation.

Off course there was a happy ending, and the sex was darn good. And I did see him again one more time, but then he suddenly disappeared. I thought he had ghosted me, but maybe a year after he wrote to me, and told me that he went into a depression, but still thought of me from time to time.

Yep! Sex with me is apparently so bad, I can send people directly into depressions. 😉

I really do hope that he is well today. He had a great deal to struggle with.

So, what now? ADHD-guy was disappeared. Loco was working constantly, and the offers from young men came like pearls on a string, so what did stupid me do? Off course I jumped in again with both feet. And went even younger (insert monkey smiley with hands over eyes).

The kid was 21.

21!

He was a really nice-looking guy but seemed extremely shy. He was to the heavy side and told me that he never had any luck with the girls, which he believed was because of his weight. And maybe he was right, with the six-pack guys that I have seen, it wouldn’t surprise me. Girls can be very picky. (Older middle-aged women apparently not so much 😉) He was a virgin (or so he said) and he wanted somebody to teach him and … yeah … I don’t have an excuse. I found it intriguing. He was an adult. I was an adult. So, what the h***. Maybe I could even teach him to have Doom-sex.

Besides … was there a kind of an issue for me here? Myself having such a crappy first experience with the date rape? I wanted to give him a nice first time, calm and stress-free. I wanted to show him that sex could be easy and nice and fun and that you are able to talk and laugh during it all. It doesn’t have to be all serious porn-stile.

I know that some of you might find it strange, even disgusting, but … what can I say. It was legal, and it was fun.

Or it could have been, if not the kid had been so nervous that he convinced himself that it would be good for his nerves to take some speed before I came.

Fun fact … speed makes limbs go soft. That noodle was well over-cooked, and there was no life to be seen.

After that, I said never again! I would never go under 30 again. Never in a million years. Even if the guys were funny and charming as h***.

Besides … I was beginning to think that I wanted more substance than just the random sex. I had discovered what it could be like with Doom, and Loco and I had also been playing with some stuff and I began to be more at ease with my body and what it could do. I had overcome my fears and have found a sexuality that I didn’t knew I had, and I wanted somebody to share that with. And I had a drive, which never was an issue before, but now wanted to be fulfilled. Call it desperation because of my age, but I had found not only the joy in sex, but overwhelming joy, and I wanted to live to the fullest. I still do. Life is to short for relationships, where sex is mediocre and has a low priority. 

That is when I created a profile on a more sober dating site again. I was still on the more sex-based site and had wonderful conversations with various people about sexuality and other things. Like I said … I really love this site, because it is totally free from prejudice and people are so fantastically openminded and tolerant, also in other aspects of their lives. But I also knew that this wasn’t the place to find somebody more serious. 

I still wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, but I knew that I was moving in a slightly new direction.

And there I ran into the Caretaker … He was the first real untruthful person that I ran into, and this taught me a lesson.

But not so great a lesson that I was prepared for what came even later on.

Thumbnail picture from Pixabay from No-longer-here