Crypto people, we love you!!! Let's all give each other smelling salts, shots in the arm, rally round the flag boys n girls. Or maybe crawl away together and dig a deeper trench, lol!!    We love y'all for being here working on a future with less fiat abuses, one red chitpost click at TIME fams!!!  Here on the next generational Publish0x, baby, downtown with a DISCOUNT!!!! 

Weeeeww, help us, reading music, we gotta find the funnies in a CHITSHOW of a week!!  Bowie still carried a SAX onstage when this came out togetherTLDR:  TOO MaNY S~NAGS!!`. drunk a lotta wine, feeling too fine!! OK that's better!!!  DUUUUDES!!!

The funniest thing this week!!! The RUMORS!!!  Sammy arrested on the tarmac!!  Tron saved FTX!!! No, wait, the TRUTH!! Sammy needed ten billion #$(#$&( liquid just like Tether had!!!  He only had 4 bill or 900 mill or 400 mill or no, wait, HE DIDN"T DECLARE THAT company in the bankruptcy!! Sammy was just gonna SWIPE that last half billion in Robin HOOD!!! OMG!!  

The RUMORS KUCOIN LOCKED UP STABLECOINS!  The truth!! WHAT?? OVER seven million of the sort of liquid assets Sammy had was tied up in a bet that Trump loses 2024 AH HA HA H AH HA HAH HA!!  Was it a HEDGE??? NO!!! Double DOWN big swinging Texas hedge ah HA HA HA HA!!!! 

No, wait - the rumors!!!  The gummint gave Ukraine billions!!! UKRAINE GAVE SAMMY a billion !!  Sammy gave the pols 100 million!  The circle of life is complete??? No wait the truth??  missed the REAL money going to the defense contractors!! 

NO WAIT THE TRUTH!!!! Dear Watch readers recall wondering how much Sammy had ratholed.  The answer is ZERO!!  His contingency plan was the same back door access that let him trade client assets in custody for OFF THE MARKET CH~IT COINS that HE MADE!!!   Ah ha ha ha ha!!! 

That's called low LATENCY, dynamic scamming it's all good till it' NOT!!  But WAIT it IS GOOOD it was SAMMY what took the money and ran!!  got caught on the liquid HOOD stock but he swiped all the COINS!  a smooth half billion !! 

With a twitter soundtrack supplied by the man named Su & KYLE!!!  OMG and dance like a $#@#($*& monkee cameos from Tom & Giselle OWWWW!!! 

If ya made this up, no one would believe it.  The Watch thought Sammy was sincere when talked big about  pay back. !!!! Ah ha ha OUCH!!!  rugged like a fool!! 

Still funny as $#@$(& tho.  Hey it's gonna be easy for Sammy to go into hiding, all he needs is a beanbag in the corner!!  And some rat meat!!  Charlie don't surf!!!! 

Ah ha hah ha, Su Tzu Tzurfs!!  He's surfing RIGHT NOW!  working on his tan while he listens to rosetta stone tapes.  Hmm think that means he's in Skeleton Bay, Namibia.  SHAKE YER ARSE interpol, or SOMEONE!!! Or, maybe not, let's take the liberal view. What good would it do to punish him now??  Or D'oh?? Oh, their pride hurts then NO #$(#@$$(& NO STFU the LEAST the world should have them do is get dragged thru bankruptcy court. Gotta be an involuntary wire fraud charge  in there SOMEWHERE!!

Anyway the funnies.  The big funny is the hyperbole, this is the death of crypto, the Lehman moment.  Dear readers know it AINT although, now with the gummint on Sammy's ponzi payroll, it IS a lot CLOSER AR AR AR AR !! 

It IS an Enron moment though.  Enron's Jeff Shilling, er Skilling lost 75 billion plus crashed the industry & all the jobs by lying by keeping debt off the balance sheets.  AMAZING< HILARIOUS amounts of debt, ar ar ar !!   Lookit Sammy's once bright image!!! And laugh - ENRON was Forbes "most innovative company" for SIX YEARS in a row.    Enron had a whistleblower, she's still on the talk show/ college circuit, good on her!!  it's funny, proof that crypto is immature, no whistleblowers !!! ar ar ar ar !!! 

Vitlek, like monkees, is always funny.  He goes from sublime (preaching account abstraction) to totally advanced ABOLISH DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME AND LEAP SECONDS (lol, yes baby yes!!!). Then he gets all meta about libertarianism.  Then veers to admitting he's nuts VITALEK WANTS TO BAN WEARING SUITS AH HA HA HA HA !!!  His Judges stop him, don't worry but it's funny! 

The Sammy spotlight came to Vitalek anytime he wanted it.  It's funny, the media skipped Vit's  direct quote, cuz they didn't want to use the phrase "virtue signaling."  which is FUNNY, cuz people that LOVE to virtue signal never want to TALK about it!!   Wahooo Vitalek hits the BONE on that one, lord we agree!!!   We hear the pain of the Bodhisattvas like y'all, big V!!!  Hey Elon never liked him anyway man lol!!!  Said his bullshit meter was going off 100% ah ha ha ha !! We bet Sammy bullshitted Vit at SOME point!!!

oh dear god we can hear it nowstop, make it stop ar ar ar arooooOOO

OK, the funnies.  No wait, Vitalek, he made another AWESOME funny, what was it?  Oh yeah 

"the best CEX education is total abstinence ar ar ar !!!  But that's a very tough sell cuz DEX's can't do fiat!!!"   Vitalek will be here all week every week, try the borscht, bada BOOM!

OK, it's sad, but yet it's funny.  Dear Watch readers know Wintermute is there with bells on whenever a chance to eff up is found!!  And look who's on the FTX exposure list yes, it's reassuring for the Wintermute brand, really THERE they are, they are EVERYWHERE lol! 

OK, sorry, BIG funnies HERE's a sweeet one Crypto.com groundhog day!!!  Yes, humor aficionados, amgos y amigas, that's the same Crypto.com that fueled one woman's sweet insane remodeling on the TEN MILLION they spaced out & gave her for a year.  We think in some states, she might have been able to keep it ar ar ar ar !!  When a bad impression is needed, Crypto.com is THERE!!  Remember that time Crypto.com was supposed to send an Oz woman a 68 dollar refund, and instead they sent her 7.2 million?? that was AWESOME! can't make it up!!!

Yes, the crypto.com that is maybe not finishing the stadium remodel?  YES!! They wired 400mm to Gate.io as a mistake.  Or was it?  They have been known to maybe be using client funds to arb gate.io prices against Binance??  Which is more embarrassing to admit??

Now THIS Is funny, cause really that means Binance was making money. But CZ doesn't want to hear about it.  Man, mebbe a procedure should be to send 100$ first to check all's well, are ya JUST BEING CHEAP WITH THE GAS FEES YA LAZY MONKEES???? ar ar ar

CZ did not comment on that, well played. 

CZ threw down eighty billion in blue chip crypto, dared everyone else to do the same, those who wouldn't would be questioned.   Yeeee haw, CZ and Terkle Tree live POF audits are the WAY forward!!!

So Crypto did that!! Well, sort of.  Kind of.  Or were they just doing biz as usual arbing gate against Binance with client funds?? We heard so much madness come out of where Sammy spread HIS funds, #$#@(*&.  that idea sounds PRETTY GOOD!!!!!  Better than most!!! Crypto.com is still alive and fighting ar ar ar !!!! 

CZ is feeling perky after analysts watched crypto.com slap coins around like SAMMY sneaking out the BACK door right before the audits hit!!!The man, the myth, the legend himself, our hero Suzuki Shillsalot. We love you man, another on point headline brother ar ar ar yes baby. 

Was it gambling client funds, innocent cleanup (heh), CZ calls foul.  TLDR:  on one hand, ya KNOW CZ is right!! On the other, oh, man, CZ, could ya get SOMEONE ELSE to tweet digs on the other exchanges? Yer starting to look like a SERIAL EXCHANGE KILLER!!!!!  it's not a good look to dictate with your forehand right now, CZ.  But it is FUNNY AH HA HA HA HA WT actual F are those idiots at crypto.com DOING!!??!  This is a NEW WORLD babies!!!!  Tell it like it do be, big CZ, why not.  

We had our cheap laugh - a WATCH FUNNY RETRACTION!!! Wintermute was HUGE on FTX second largest in deposits and withdrawals!!! Ruh-roh!!! BUT WAIT!!! TLDR:  alllll right, Wintermute, y'all vagus nerves were twitchy enough to skeeve yer ass just in time out of ANOTHER fine mess y'all got yourselves into!!! Ah ah ha ha ha!! Way to snatch a medium small defeat out of the jaws of a stupendously HUGE existentialist FAIL!!!  And, ya know we like drama, ya coulda waited another half hour or so first AH HA HA HA HA!!!! 

OMG. Sammy just blew up Serum hub, of course, and THAT just blew up Solana.  Ah man we were willing to write off some promising CEX's ok but did not realize it would include writing off promising CHAINS like Solana!!!   But hey, people, THAT's a cleansing rain of fire, that's a Schumpeterian majesty of a maelstrom.   We'll all be back building on the beach soon enough after this tsunami, it's just funny right now to realize how much we HAD done that!!!  We were in a FLASH FLOOD zone ALSO In a tidal surge area, ah ha ha ha ha !! and we THOUGHT we were on bedrock!! 

Oh, baby.  The REALLY funny part, is just like Kyle and Su, just like Alex the Machine, just like the hedgies that circle j-rked money with Sammy, just like so many commercial miners, NONE of this barrel of monkeys - Voyager, Blockfi, none of them knew what the hell they were doing!!!  Open free competition is the ONLY was to get good out of these fools!!!  Sammy had TWO YEAR HORIZON POLITICAL BETS he made with OTHER PEOPLE"S MONEY AH HA HA HA HA HA !!!!   Is that worse than Kyle pretending he was arbing Grayscales regulatory issues?? Hard to say!! 

we can say THIS Is worse AH HA HA HA

TLDR:  what did we LEARN?? Not yer keys, not yer coins!!  No leverage!! Chitcoins are for 10% of yer porfolio, silly rabbits!!! 

and, don't forget to LAUGH TLDR:  Brady & it's cheaper to keep em Giselle may have lost real money, ah ha ha !!  It IS clear Tom talked Steph Curry into saying "I'm in". ah heh.   OH yea

Yeah, that's the ticket, the old ADS are the funniest!!  No, no wait - Justin Sun, THAT's the TICKET!!

Remember that time the entire crypto universe was shaking, and one man SBF, stepped in to calm the waters with his own largesse and deep pockets?? And then in a matter of months, everything went to hell?  That was AWESOME.  But Justin, Justin did that all in TWO DAYS AH HA HA HA HA !! 

Seriously.  First Sun - rumor ? truth?  dumped the fat part of a billion dollars in TRON & Tronish other coins?  into FTX?  Or did he just hardfork the coins like Schrodinger's cats, are they here, are they there, are they locked, are they free??? 

For one shining second, the Sun shone and a path to freedom - for 90% loss - for anyone entering the unending hell of being a crypto unsecured creditor in a bankruptcy.  Maybe especially offshore, dunno  Was that a moral and ethical path?  We say yes!  Did it matter?  wait wait did it EXIST? 

FTX took the TWEET DOWN!! but  cryptobriefing, link below, saw it !! ah ah ha ha ha we reckon the world did NOT agree with our moral freedom of options ethical judgement framework!!! 

Wait wait now Justin's world is falling, he's ponying uppa  FRESH two billion to stop the run on his chit stablecoin, lol!!  it's time for scary funny CHARTs, check THIS!! Yes, one minute Justin is KING OF THE WORLD, saving FTX with his street smarts and the odd 800 million lying around.   Now Sun's OVERNIGHT AH AH HA !!!  a rip-off artist, and having to put another 650MM  of stinky old USDC in to back USDD.  The markets broke the CHIT outta TRX, Justin threatening a 2 billion USD short squeeze on them, wah HOOO!!!   Where is the truth?  The HUMOR is CLEAR!!! Yippie kai yay, Justin!!  Good luck??

Your website is stunning.  Lookit this chit!!Justin's website shows this idiot nodding, trancelike, at Justin.  Videos play of the Matterhorn, Justin posing on semi- nice staircases and ok rooms, bad taste but hey. Then WE DIDN'T KNOW, Justin is an astronaut or WHAT ever.  Dear readers know we HATE on Mr. Sun because even though he is just the "permanent" rep to the WTO in Grenada, Sun is NOT, as he despicably calls himself above, Ambassador.  A voice in the WTO is lost, a fart in the crowd.  An actual ambassador has real issues to worry about between two specific countries, like say France & the US.  let it GO wee radge JOE sorry!   His #($&*#@(*$&!!  excellency SPARE US!!! 

His video shows plastic gilt and red bitcoins pouring on the table!! Justin working in a suit with a nice floral arrangement!!  WTF???? 

It's really really funny, USDD is said to be a total chit clone coin of LUNA, c'mon give it UP!!! ar ar ar ar OOO

JP morgan on Friday, and yer chit stablecoin is jumping out the window on Monday!!! It's funny!!! 

aiight we love y'all !  Thanks so much for being here, take care of yourself!! Like, quasi-militant extreme care, we need y'all!!

Please refer a friend, thanks!!  ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg

Peace out, we gotta sleep, 

Love, 

Dave

ps Mott the Hoople, lol.  Ian's Move Over cuz yer standin in my light was the first song we thought of as an alt song, really, that's funny