Cryptonauts, we love you!! And thank you for your service here on the world-changing Pub 0x!! Here's reading music for y'all, crypto, and jokes!!! TLDR: ahhh that's better. What do we get in the FT Crypto, Watch Army!! Let's GOOOOOOO!!
Well, a quick tradfi corruption funny- what did Coinbase pay, 50MM? Zuckers just paid 10x, 1000% more, 500mm, half a billion 
filed under keeping it in perspective. Laughingly, Zuck was on page nine, Coinbase made the front page duh.
CRYPTO NEWS!!! well not really but y'know
OH no, crypto on the front page!! 
TLDR: oh look, it's an all hands on deck round up of all the bad crypto news a paper can manufacture!!
The REAL story: it's funny, how we we recognize agitprop? When the propagandists repeat the exact same talking point phrases in different articles. IT'S IN THEIR MANUAL !!! Here we play FT anti-crypto bingo. Sec questioning Binance. Alex the machine faces a lawsuit. Silverbank is down as FTX & others did an 8 billion deposit run. Blah blah Genesis, Digital Currency Group are cutting costs and raising capital.
First, the SEC asked Binance to fill their forms out more!! Binance said "OK!" We don't care about Genesis or DCG. Silverbank should be PROUD they are sill open after that run!!
Finally Alex the Machine got hit with a CIVIL suit. Now, Alex broke our heart. We loved him playing Spiderman on an uptown Chase bank!!! & then he broke the world, 4 billion of stablecoins stolen from clients by weasel lawyer words now trapped in bankruptcy court forever.
But still it is TOTAL bullshit, if Alex did half the chit the suit says it should be a CRIMINAL suit. This means the feds KNOW they couldn't prove a criminal suit.
The REAL REAL story: Agitprop piled high and deep to try and look interconnected. Ar ar ar , the boys - and they are ALL boys aren't they - missed a spot, boys!!! Forgot to say miners crashing. Is that cuz ya don't wanna say BLACKROCK BAILED CORE SCIENTIFIC OUT AH HA HA HA HA HA!!! Hard to dish FU's but judges agree we can put ONE up for the premise of the story, maybe two FU's for not mentioning Core. . 
TLDR: Sure does set the stage tho let's MOVE!! Buckle up buttercups!!
Here is a nasty, albeit deluded, LETTER!!! From AH HA HA HA R3!!! Dear readers know R3, the still not blockchain no matter how many times you say it quasi failed consortium!!! 
TLDR: it's funny, even R3 has to say the ASE's software project failed for many reasons, none of which were blockchain.
OK, thanks mr/ms big important once head of a committy at the dept of commerce!! Hit us with that three line title!!
Wait WAIT why the hell does a software company HAVE a chief economist? Oh ya, to have a pretend job to park all the gummint employees in to allow gummint biz and avoid lawsuits AH HA HA HAH HA!!!
Still funnier, Alisa goes on to hallucinate thusly - in order for blockchain to fulfill it's potential, it must operate according to the central banks systems it seeks to disrupt AH HA HA HA HA HA HA. oh stop. Sorry bitcoin, we are going to have to rewrite you so you are controlled by a single person so we can arrest them. ar ar ar ar ar OOOOOOOOOO!!!
The REAL story: thankful for small favors, at least it wasn't Chas this time!!! ah ha ha ha !!
Keep the flak jackets on, we next face a beating from the mighty law of the markets, LEX now!!
TLDR: LEX gets MEAN towards Silvergate, cheering on their bank run!! Lex says their rep will never recover!! & others in crypto will not survive!!
The REAL story: HOSTILE, Lexers!!! How about love & some $#$#(*& respect for Silvergate surviving the eight billion dollar bank run!! Even if they took a 150 million hit to get that liquidity.
Also, quit lying, the TEN billion dollar bank run on Tether was a REAL bank run on a REAL crypto bank ah ha ha ha!!!
The sun will come up tomorrow for Silvergate!!! WE think Silvergates's reputation is SOLID LIKE A ROCK!!! Shiney & lovely & ready for a spring look!!
The REAL REAL story: have a few FU's for trying to conflate FTX, Celsius and Voyager with poor old Silvergate! 
TLDR: Silvergate is open for bidness cause they did everything right!! We were waiting for LEX to bring up some pol whinging about FTX deposits going into FTX/Almeda. We were gonna jump down Lex's throat, cause any insinuations there are complete horse $(#$*&!! SIlvergate took in deposits as they were addressed coming in and put them there. It's the ONLY THING Silvergate COULD legally do!!! Here, however, the FT was too subtle for us! Skipping the politics to cut straight for the throat! We almost let the blade slip in unnoticed!!! Silvergate, for the sin of saying some crypto accounts are OK, is now JUST EXACTLY the same as businesses in multi billion criminal cases, billions in civil suits, billions locked in court, billions locked up in disputes.
Have FU's, Lex, Silvergate's billions in deposits are still sitting there in the bank, many of them, happy clients take them in and out. The REAL title is SILVERGATE !!! CHAMPION of the BANK RUN !!! Just like CZ sez, bank runs are HEALTHY!!! 
Don't be bitter, Lex, be happy!!! Silvergate now holds the distinction of having survived an eight billon dollar bank run!! The ONLY normal, regulated bank to have survived a run of anywhere NEAR that!! OK Tether survived ten billion, but this is straight up FDIC white bread white shoe banking here!!! AYYYYY PEOPLE ARE WALKIN HERE!!!!
Let's check famous bank runs!! in 1931 as the depression deepened, the people did a run on the New York based "Bank of the United States" "for 200 million, it famously failed. That's 3.8 billion in todays money!!! Silvergate is SUPREME!!!
OK OK modern times - how's this?? In 2008, Wachovia had a five billion dollar run in deposits. That's seven billion in today's money!!! Wachovia went DOWN LIKE A CLOWN!!! Old "watch over ya" got sold that weekend. 
TLDR: LEXERS!!! Break out the champers for Silvergate, and give up the LOVE!! Better RECOGNIZE, FT!! Celebrate historic epic milestones when ya see em LEXers!!! AH ha ha ar ar ar ar oooo0000!!! C'mon now we just feel bad for y'all. Lexers, yer better than THAT ar ar ar.
Online !! It's weak sad news. Alex the machine is only getting a civl suit, no jail time even THREATENED !! TBF, his weasel word lawyers made sure anyone who signed up with Celsius had to abandon all hope of owning their funds. 
TLDR: it is funny, there's that same tired copypasta, talking points or else even sadder stealing from yourself, gummints tightening their oversight of the cryptocurrency sector, if not cryptos.
Who wrote that for Gary, the FT?? Or did Gary have that written FOR the FT ar ar ar!!!
Anyway, your evildoer like Alex is supposed to LOSE his criminal suit, THEN face a massive class action civil lawsuit. Just like for Bernie Madoff, it IS THE WAY!! Here the gummint SAYS Alex was not registered legally - if that's true, file a criminal lawsuit why don'cha !
Inexplicably intertwined in the same story for maximum imaginary ecosystem effect - the story non-sequiturs to Mutant Ape Planet NFT's rugpull arrest!! It's funny - here the FT tries to conflate an actual arrest with Alex's credit issues!!!
Michel ran MAP up to a three million dollar NFT sellout!! But then he grabbed the money and did not deliver the promised benefits!!
The REAL story: it's funny, not in the FT. The benefits promised were giveaways, staking systems, and merch. Yes merch!!! AH aha ha ha!! Like our Cryptonator, nobody get's fouler than someone who never gets promised merch and RIGHTEOUSLY SO!!! It's a key status symbol in geekland we all love it! 
But still it's funny, Michel got arrested in JFK cause he didn't deliver the MERCH!!! The SCHWAG, Michel!!!!
even funnier, after MAP sold out, the community was whinging about their promised stuff. Michel et al did nothing, things turned VERY FOUL. THEN Michel BLAMED THE TOXIC COMMUNITY !!!! THAT's why he had to rugpull and run!!! Bonus funny - Michel is going down as he admitted in Telegraph that he chose to rug pull!!! AH ha ha ha ha ha!!! It's just low hanging legal fruit.
Zoom out though, have another FU FT for conflating this silly 2.9MM NFT bad art sale bad community story with the civil suit on Alex.
We think it's a parable - if Michel had the brains of a GNAT, he could have given some marketing maven 2 % to deliver some cheezy giveaways, whitelable a chitty staking service that didn't work that well, and MAKE some $@#(#$$& MERCH to give out to the people that gave you 3 million ya CHEAP BASTID AH HA HA HA HA HA!!! Woulda kept ya out of Rikers, Michel. Dollars for technology marketing, ya scrooge!! ar ar ar!!
OK we gotta run!! Didn't see the cryptofinance newsletter, maybe they are still on break!!! Small favors, please.
Peace out,
love
Dave
We love y'all!! take care of each other!!! See y'all soon!!
please refer a friend!! thanks so much
ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg
Love
Dave
Out of the blue, out of the night
You came along and you changed my life
I'm feeling things I swear I've never felt before, yes I am, baby
You looked at me, that's all it took
You read my heart like an open book
And it was true love right from the start
It was true love straight from my heart
It was true love, ain't no doubt about it, baby
True love, I can't live without it
Before I met you baby, I was alone
Thought I was happy livin' on my own
But now I realize this world was made for two, like me and you
With you by my side, everything's fine
There ain't no mountain, sugar, we can't climb
We got a true love, that's all we need
Is a true love, it's got a lifetime guarantee
It's a true love, so hard to find, babe
True love, put your heart on the line now
True love makes every day a little brighter
True love makes every burden just a little lighter
True love will make you be a better man
If you had true love, you'd understand
Out of the blue, out of the night
You came along and you changed my life
You've got me feeling things, I swear I've never felt before
You lift me up, you make me strong
You give me lovin' lastin' all night long
Well, it's a true love right from the start
It's a true love comin' straight from my heart
True love, need you here beside me baby
True love, need your love to guide me
True love, I can't deny this feelin', no, no matter how hard I try (true love)
I just know what I feel
And it's a true love
She's my baby, she's my girl
She changed my life, oh, she changed my world
She's my buttercup, oh, fill me up, woo-hoo, yeah
Talkin' about love, talkin' about love, it's gotta be a true love
