LANGLEY — The CIA’s public relations department turns to the public for its next coup. A poll, which will last until 11:59 PM on January 30th., will allow adults with state-issued identification, such as a driver’s license or passport, to write-in their top three choice countries for the CIA’s next coup. This decision comes as the CIA notices its growing unpopularity.

CIA Public Announcement

The CIA understands that it has lost the trust and respect of many Americans. We understand that we messed up with Al Qaeda and 9/11, drug trafficking, and so much more. To patriots affected by our operations in the Middle East, Asia, Latin America, or elsewhere, we offer our deepest condolences. We served American business interests well at the expense of the everyday, hardworking American. It is a failure as the largest, most well-funded intelligence agency in the world and we believe it is our responsibility to rectify these failures and to do better moving forward.

Now we ask that you become a part of our operations. For our next coup, we are hosting a public poll where every American citizen who is 18 or older can vote for their top three choices. All you need is a valid, state-issued ID and an internet connection. You can vote for any nation you want! The only exceptions are Russia, Iran, China, North Korea, Turkey, Yemen, and Saudi Arabia. We understand that for many overthrowing these nations are a top priority, but at this time we are unable to enact overt operations in these states.

We hope you are as excited about this event as we are. We think it is about time we were more transparent. However, as an intelligence organization, secrecy is the difference between success and failure. We ask that you are patient with updates. But we promise to submit regular updates every few months from pop-up Twitter accounts, so stay vigilant! 

Visit www.cia.gov/your-coup to vote until 11:59 PM on January 30th.