RIYADH — Publish0x removed our most recent post satirizing Saudi Arabia’s method of handling dissidents. So we took the moral high road and created a list highlighting Crown Prince MBS' progressive policies.

1. MBS treats investigative journalists as honored guests: We are all familiar with the kingdom's progressive views on free speech. The monarchical dictatorship has invited investigative journalists to enjoy totally safe and delicious meals. The large men in black suits insist that journalists taste the hors d'oeuvres.

2. Saudi Arabia champions women's rights: Women are now allowed to drive. And their tracking collars allow them the freedom to travel within a one-mile radius of their male keepers. We love to see such respect given to the fairer sex.

3. LGBT+ activists are invited to exclusive hot tub parties: MBS has sent personal invitations to LGBT+ activists as an apology for the regime's harsh treatment of certain minorities. By the way, don't mind the billowing steam or the massive fire pit underneath the pot, uh, I mean hot tub.

Disclaimer: The Dingo has NOT in any way been coerced to publish this article. Our families are in no way threatened. What about these bruises all over our bodies? Oh no, we all just fell down the stairs. Haha... We can be such klutzes here at The Dingo! Anyway, Saudi Arabia is a great monarchy with progressive values. They would love for you to visit with all of your queer family and friends who write for The Washington Post 😁.