Cryptofolk we love you. We love when we ride the algo to meet on the multiverse that is the future creating Publish0x!!! And again some day we'll be together.With love. Talking about crypto, maybe in the FT!
Today's print version - with a light touch. We shall only read the fun parts!!
The London Stock Exchange shut down for the Queen, but the LME pit stayed open, inflaming tensions!! cmon that's funny.
Crypto not in the indices page cause it's Monday. We promised to make fun of Morningstar for no crypto market data on a Monday. So remember Morningstar launched their first digital asset funds May day, 2022. We know we can't trust Morningstar's insulting market data, but let's laugh at launching into a 50% market cap drop, so astute. Timing is everything!!!
Back with the love!! In the FT!! lotta bearskin hats, that's funny. The Orb, symbol of power over the heavens, or something, is pretty freakin cool.
One touch of crypto at the Tokyo Game Show - a big booth will be held by Yield Guild Games, who offers loans to go play blockchain games for money. What could go wrong? 
Axie Infinity requires around a thousand dollars of capital to get in and grind for a dollar a day. Wait that's insane! Wait that's what we are doing - on a REALLY GOOD DAY LOL!!!
The real story - negative spin hacking away at "dodgy" crypto. Judges refuse to award FU's tho, balance blah blah.
Online? YES.
Wow, the word of the day is fire all death cannons at crypto !! HERE's a hatchet job: 
Too too tooo long, don't read: Lili, 52, sold a condo to play the crypto market thanks to "friends" she met online. The friends were catfishers, the "market" was fake and she lost 300K. Funnily, she thought she was up 1.4MM for a while. Lili's daughter works at a hedge fund, but we guess they didn't talk too much.
Phoebe, a healthcare pro in New York, gave 800K in crypto to who she thought were Christians in the middle east.
it turns out losing under 1MM in crypto means it is not worth lawyer fees to try and recover in the UK. If your bank sent the money directly to a fraudster, you might get 30% back from the bank.
Lawyers say crypto exchanges have lousy KYC with fake docs. Tigran, head of intel at Binance, says thats BS, outdated, Binance gives better info than the banks do by far.
Massive cry for regulations, banks to control all, more Mica, more UK regs.
The REAL story: If Lili got catfished & sold her condo to put into a fake exchange, shame on her and her family. Really. #$*(&$#@(&* go to a real, tippy top tier exchange, or STFU. This whole thing was a cry for attention from her daughter, or strangers on the interweb, or something. If Phoebe wants to send 800K to Christians in the middle east, that's her problem, leave crypto the $#(@$*&#@ out of it. If the Christians were real, would that have been that much better??? Lol.
Zoom out - why the #(#&$#( should it take 300K in lawyer fees to recover 100K?? what's wrong with this system? Could it be the lawyers???
The FT never does name the name of the fake exchange. Doesn't name the fake trading platform. Just moves on to swing that reghammer. FU, FT. If the UK had allowed Binance to start up in the UK like they spent millions trying to, Lili might never have been scammed. Ever think of it that way?
Judges say we can't FU bomb since the FT actually printed the response from Binance. We say #$(@#@&$(*@&!!!!!
Next - the FT catches up with the news on D'Oh running!! 
TLDR: rehash, no new news. Seoul says D'Oh is "obviously on the run" and puts out the red flag for Interpol. Sing's grim reapers can't find him but will help. D'Oh tweets that he is in full cooperation and has nothing to hide. Dear readers know that means not cooperating at ALL!!! He's on the LAM and has everything, including stolen funds, to hide (along with his arse) as best he can.
One more - a BIGGIE!! stop the presses! Four hours ago, the UK's FCA warns against Sammy Fried's FTX!!!
TLDR: FTX is targeting the UK despite not being licensed there. The FCA has previously feuded with Binance, who is still pledged to become compliant in the UK.
FTX responds that the FCA stuttered and meant to say that some FTX phone numbers have been listed as being linked to scams. The FT pounces - FTX admitted that FTX.com is the real website, mentioned by the FCA.
The REAL story: Wow, the anti crypto bias comes POURING from the page. The Bloomberg article, eight hours ago, listed below (read with the Sugarfix fix) tells the truth. The FCA put on their website that FTX was using certain numbers to sell to the UK. FTX responded that those phone numbers have nothing to do with FTX and are listed as crypto scams. The FCA said well, ya know, it's important to warn quickly and we will update on further info.
The hideous anti crypto bias at the FT takes the same info and twists the chit out of it. FTX admitted their website is FTX.com!! (*$#&@#$(*#&n spare us. We don't give a CHIT even if the worst case is true, and FTX listed numbers were being spoofed by scammers. But we doubt it is even that bad. Have three FUs, FT. Judges can hush after that mangling and spinning of the response from FTX and the FCA. The real response from FTX did NOT say some FTX numbers were linked to scams, we bet that is a lie, lie lie. And WHY??? 
Just plain meanness for crypto, plus yellow journalism. We are feeling the hate, FT. Someone really wants to win this week's crypto bashing pub prize!! Still, it's kinda, well, pitiful. Like a nasty little dog thinking it can kill you. Why, it's, kinda. Oh hell IT'S FUNNY!!!
Need some eyewash with LOVE right NOW plz!!
Ahhh, that's a lot better. Man, walking point for crypto in the jungle of the FT is no joke. Glad to make it back safe to camp tonight!
Tomorrow's another day, baby, sleep tight! We love you ya nasty little mutt!!! But we love all you crypto kin a LOT MORE!!! Thanks
Peace,
Love,
Dave
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