Crypto people, we love you!! & we love to meet y'all here on the eternal Publish0x!!
Changing the fabric of the FT's crypto coverage, one chitpost and one blessed click at at TIME!! Reading "music" - we go to hang with Kid tha Wiz in a rando NYC subway car
Tradfi corruption funnies - KPMG is BARRED from new Abu Dhabi contracts, lol!!
The blame game story makes dead trees, the boring fuddy duddy day editors take out the nice shot of Gary vs Janet. It's still funny tho no one in the FT is talking about the FTX's CEO's daddy writing Gary's papers for him, lol!! 
There's another hack on Grayscale, as if THAT's contagion, lol !! Grayscale has it's own problems, it is eclipsed by ETFs, costs 2% per year, 2X an ETF, and Gary's antagonistic stance will never give Grayscale regulatory happiness.
Crypto's on the front page again, oh no
The Big Read rehashes away!! New details: FTX employees left their cars at the airport as they ran screaming outta the country!! Rehash Katy Perry to the super bowl. Sammy's living in a five bed apartment with eight other people!! Unsecure group emails with private keys, billion dollar outlays approved with emoji's, it was an accident!! A FUN rehash, a bit marred by #$$(& unnamed sources. Glad it was over, so toxic!! We were once an empire!!
The REAL story; y'all coulda blown the whistle ANY TIME. You were NEVER an empire, just a scam. Now, please STFU. The FT puts the Almeda symbol on the front page in blood red. We won't print it, but others say the Almeda logo looks just like a pedo symbol as identified by the FBI.
Hey not in the FT, but who looks good for quitting FTX a few months ago?? Their ex co-CEO Sam Trabucco, that's who!!
Another contagion smear makes print, somehow Grayscale shows contagion. No, Greyscale shows 2% a year holding fees vs 1% for ETF, plus low liquidity, plus antagonistic Gary will NEVER approve conversion to an ETF. Hush!!
Uh oh, the big guns are coming out!! Thousand yard stare Katie weighs in 
Tldr: Ken at Citadel says it's bad if 20-40 year olds get burned and don't invest. Katie says invest in tradfi!! dream on , Katie. Funny point - Genesis called themselves the Goldman Sachs of crypto, yow!! More FUD woulda been a good thing. Katie agrees with laughing at the eight month self congratulatory "due diligence", hard to IMAGINE wtf they did with all that time ( with no audited balance sheets ar ar ar !! ) Katie goes to the City chestnut - if someone explains a finance deal to ya TWICE and ya STILL don't understand, run like the wind!!! arrrOOOO!!
Here's a FT copypasta anti-crypto narrative SPECIAL!! 
TLDR: YES it's the same picture AGAIN!! Yes, the same story again. Around 14 shots of rehashing drivel, presented in agony aunt format for maximum emotional impact!! Tells us three times ya can't withdraw from a locked exchange. Got yer bingo cards and shots ready? Terra, Luna, worst ever, Enron, BlockFi, Genesis, BTC, Sol, FTT numbers go down!! Tells us three times crypto ain' regulated!! The reghammer is a comin!! Don't forget - pay crypto taxes AND UK banks might shut you out!!!
The REAL story - fourteen shots for copypastya!! Dear readers know the UK banks are hypocrites, investing BIG time in crypto elsewhere, and not really that firm ( no crypto on credit cards. ) Congrats, we hope the author is vegan, cuz they are IN THE LEAD for the FT anti crypto pub meet prize!!
PLEASE moving along:
TLDR: yes, it's that same low effort graphix, they've given up!! OK trigger warning, this is horrible. Here we see flying monkey bankruptcy lawyers do a 180 and say oh yeah, there's lots of value in there, we just need years of pay for us & pals to find it all, start by signing here for nine million for us and "vendors." This is just like when a loved one goes to hospital, is headed for death. The hospital gets the family to sign to allow the hospital to sell all the organs. After THAT the loved one has a fake upturn where they keep them like a zombie running up bills, warehousing the parts until they are sold. Hey, we warned ya, sorry.
Alphville remains on FIRE - this is DEEPLY self-referential and FUNNY!!!
TLDR: Yes, it is REALLY on opensea, ah ha ha ha !!
TLDR: on FIRE!! Dear readers remember some money moving out of FTX accounts as trades! Here we see it laundered as NFTs' 
It's FUNNY AND a dig on NFTs, well played AV!!
TLDR: on FIRE we say!! Here, it's the wild wild wild WEST side STORY, ar ar ar !! a lotta Inside baseball lawyer talk, but it's funny. The Bahama's probably swiped about 100 million in crypto for THEIR fun with bankruptcy lawyers.
NEXT: 
TLDR: Almeda was playing funny games with their accounts and FTT before FTX even LAUNCHED. TBF, some told us about this a WHILE ago, noone listened, cause Sammy was in with the in crowd!! Appearing live on stage with Janet!!! Writing the LAWs for Congress & Gary!! AH HA HA HA HA!!
It would have been nice if Nansen told us all this a bit earlier, but still funny. Plus mystery 300mm ETH payouts, hacks, god knows what all. It IS funny. It's also funny, a week ago we laughed at Coinbase for having 6,200 employees, while FTX had 300. Looks like FTX WAS missing a few key functions!!
Finally, Lunch with the FT; it's funny, the pic of Brian is a BIT better, except for the part where his head drifts off into white space.. 
TLDR: and the thousand yard stare they give him. It IS funny, the FT knows Silicon valley knows the FT hates crypto !! They were surprised Brian gave the interview!!
No wonder. Exhibit A: $##$(#& unnamed source says Brian is the guy on the magic carpet who thinks HE's the magic. Ya know, let's stop right there. Brian went to Argentina as a youth, saw fiat hyperinflation killing the people. Then he saw crypto, went to an incubator and started Coinbase. How the #$#@$(*&#$ is THAT a free ride??? He CREATED his way forward!!
Brian sticks to his guns, against the FT's derision. He is doing it for economic freedom. Hey is that like CZ's freedom of money? YAY we LOVE singing about that great speckled bird o freedom, Brian, man!!! At least the FT printed "can't be evil" not just Google's don't be evil fail. NOT in the FT: 
The FT slashes away, Brian brazenly embraces regs while displacing them!! Well, yeah, and again ya say that like it's a BAD thing, lol!! The FT slashes on, what about the employees that wanted to shout about BLM on company time? What about the neggy NYT article? Yeah, no. Bad journalism. Say it AGAIN, Brian, we love it!!!
FT slashes ON & ON - never met a poor libertarian, ar ar ar !! FT skewers Brian that BTC was not like gold as a hedge - he agrees. But give it five years, ar ar ar arooooo!!
Brian reiterates he wants to be THE most trusted and compliant crypto company. The FT hacks on that - whattabout the suit against the SEC over (unnamed by the FT) Tornado cash!! What about when you said the SEC was acting really sketchy??
This attack on Brian finally blows up the dinner talk. The FT never explains it, but we love ya, so we will. Coinbase was about to release an interest on deposits offering, just like other crypto companies have in some states. They told the SEC as a courtesy!! Gary said if you do it, we will sue. So now we have this - it's legal for SOME companies, but not for Coinbase!!! Which is pretty much the definition of sketchy, and the FT shoulda $#($$# told us so!!
The FT calls back after the FTX crash. Long suffering Brian takes the call, to explain that Coinbase couldn't do that FTX crap if they TRIED as a US listed entity. The FT closes, vaguely making fun of Coinbase's goal of trust free crypto. "Trust the laws of math, not the laws of men!! 
PREACH Brian PREACH!! Yer casting crypto pearls before swine here tho, brother. Hey did Brian just say code is law!! ah ha ha!!
The REAL story - hack away, FT, your time is limited. It's a LOT later than you think!! Coinbase is FINE. Crypto is FINE. One cheezy bad actor just went down and the world is a better place.
We gotta pass out, been a LONG week!!
Peace out, love
Dave
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