Cryptonauts, we love ya!! Take yer protein pills and may god's love be with you!! The ride in this tin can is getting pretty rocky!!
Not really, last night BTC showed a 15k handle, now it's back in the 17's! Soon to be in the 18 / 20's!! Mark the Watch's words, crypto spring is here once some dust falls out of the sky. In a hard, hard rain, we admit!!
Crypto in the FT!! There must be PLENTY cause Sammy is still floundering like a beached whale!!! We wish him luck! On the other hand, we are glad the Watch called Sammy overexposed and played fanboy to CZ instead!!!
Reading music- here's a rock anthem for YOU, CZ!! We wanted to play Cash rules everything around!! Or even It's all about the Benjamins for CZ, but the Judges overruled and instead, we get hometown favs all time cheezy greats Whitesnake playing with the home field advantage at the Hammersmith Odeon: so beauteous & funny, a top twenty rock power ballad crowd singalong about being all alone!!! With spinal tap show bass & guitar, and YESSSSS a COWBOY HAT!!! Even in london, baby.
That's for you, Changpeng Zhao. All alone up there on the plinth in the sky, CZ!!! If ONLY the FCA let you do it in London!! Once, before banning crypto, the most international city of all, L-town!!!
OK, loins girded, let's wade in!! Crypto in the FT, changing the fabric thereof one chitpost at a time, hold, hold, HOLD, NOW!!!!!!
Crypto in a teaser on the front page!! Main story on page nine!! 
TLDR: Who's exposed to Sammy's hot fried bacon grease??? Some folks got the #$(@&$$(* outta there!! Sean from Fundstrat says the risk of further contagion remains!! Looks like when this story printed, we still thought CZ was gonna save Binance?? AND Almeda?? No, NOT Almeda. Fabian from Moody's (dear readers know we got low respect for Moody's, who helped CAUSE the Lehman crash) sez crypto people react quicker and therefore have a liquidity crisis much faster.
Mikey "luna TATOO" Novogratz says Galaxy has 77 million in exposure, withdrawing 47.5 MM ( did they get it?) Brian Coinbase said they are clean!! The FT gleefully notes that SBF held a giant bag o Solana, which tanked 50% for a moment.
The REAL story: FT y'all say crypto has a crisis quicker like that's a BAD thing!!! It's GOOD news!! Wall Street analyst top ten chestnut - deliver the bad news quickly & in detail, it's better that way!! Ar ar ar!! Sunlight is the best disinfectant!! AroooOOOO!!! No, seriously.
The law of the markets is saying the risk of further contagion has passed, BTC is about to break 18K to the upside. It's funny that Mikey Novo is in the stink, we bet he never gets his other 30MM back!! Update, not in the FT, we were wrong, ah hah ha ha ha ha!! 
Mikey LOST THE WHOLE 77MM!!! link below. AH hah hah ah!! That's funny. Why? Cause NEXO, THAT's why!!
Dear readers know that the FT is in day 100+ of their complete blackout of any positive news about Nexo. Want proof?? Here we go!! NOT in the FT
TLDR: The smoke clears, the bodies are counted!! Nexo is the fastest gun in the WEST, baby!!! Yippie kai yay, die hard, just as hard as ya CAN big Nexo!!! We see y'all!! Alex from Nansen shows us where Nexo beat all comers in the rush for the door!! Congrats, Antoni et al!! Dear readers remember Antoni was the least offensive of all the heavyweight crypto strongman bros at the last confab we saw him at!! Man, we should really have more positive language. But we say that meaning only love!!!
A little freaky!!! We read that Nexo only had 40 or 50 million in exposure, but was pulling out. That's when we knew Sammy was FRIED. But no, Nexo was in for a quarter billion !! This is particularly impressive, as big bad smarties Sequoia Cap just WROTE OFF THEIR QUARTER BILLION in FTX exposure!!!!
Post up the big W, nimble Nexo!!! More good news that will NEVER EVAH see daylight in the FT !!! Nexo runs a real time audit (ya know, like what everyone says they SHOULD do real soon now) showing 3.4 billion in (over) 100% collateralized custodied assets!! Ya know, like Sammy at first said FTX had - over collateralized customer custodied ASSETS!!??!
We already lost it over the FT claiming that FTX piffing makes the FCA look good. We stand by our judgement. NO IT #$(#*$&#@(&$ DOES NOT!!!!! 
TLDR: Clearly the FT never heard, or never believed, Wall Street/ City aphorism # 208 - In the great gold rush, the people who REALLY made money sold picks, shovels n supplies to the miners. The miners usually lost their arses!!! While laundries and saloons etc. ALWAYS cleaned UP!!! Had the idiots at the FCA let Binance in, the UK would have cleaned up. Even if the UK let FTX in!! AND they could have then actually INFLUENCED Binance et al!! With that censure they love so much, ah hah hah ha ha ha!!! Fortunes are won and lost, but the house casino makes bank, pays taxes, payrolls, more taxes, rent, all that stuff that London don't have right now. Too bad the FCA is so stupid and slow they had to miss out. Paris is LAUGHING at y'all, London!! Along with Miami, Portugal, even HK and SING lately ar ar ar!!
The main story of Sammy's crash n burn makes print. We stand by yesterday's thoughts. In today's scan, what pops!?!? CZ saying that his plan to take over FTX would paint a target on Binance's back. Too true, CZ baby. And TODAY CZ walks away, needing LESS than 48 hours of due diligence to hit the eject seat rockets on the deal!!
The Lex "klaxon" ( !!??!) story hits dead trees. Steer clear of crypto!!! We say, steer clear of UK pension funds!!!! & STFU.
Same attitude to one NEW article in print today. Anti crypto ?? of COURSE it is!! 
This is HILARIOUS any way ya look at it!! Winterflood is a wanna be has been never was execution & research fund, claiming cutting edge technology AH HAH HAH HA HA HA ha ha. Ya, sure, just like Citadel. Stop, yer killing us. So cutting edge that Winterflood completely missed the greatest revolution in money management this century. Total Winterflood REVENUE (61mm) is a zit on CZ's ARSE. Thanks for telling us crypto is unsuitable, oh wise ones!!! Now, show us a graph of crypto versus @#(#@U#@@#(. UK bonds over the last five or ten years. Then, please, please hush up and go away. And add some FU's to the FT's bags for printing this. Maybe in the NEXT huge gold rush, y'all can sell some picks and shovels like is supposedly your WHOLE BIZ!!!
OK, ONLINE we go!! Ready?? Huboi, we gotta haul arse, lookit this mess!! LIghtfully and lively lovely then hit it on three!!!
Chronological order!!! Dear Watch readers know, when it's ovah, it's OVAH SAMMY!!!! 
TLDR: surprise surprize, Alphaville gets off their arse and has belt fed team handled automated heavy armament WORKING on the crypto narrative, lol!!! Let's face it, Sammy gave them LOADS of ammo!!! FTT tanked what, over 90% for a while, the FT printed at 50% !!! Ow that's gonna leave a nasty scar.
It's a belly laugh!!! Whenever a fintech reporter gets to say "the everything puke" it's a GOOD day!!! Here AV feels like they are in Zero Hedge!!! LOL they probably are, too!!
It's funny, Alphaville links to a Bloomberg story from April: 
TLDR: Mission accomplished!! Sammy gave it away, man. Sad to hear Sammy drove a Toyota Corolla!!! Kinda mean of Bloomberg to say it!! We LOVED our ancient Celica, named "the Toy" by our boss!! We had to get a loan & buy her after we borrowed her and smacked her up DRIFTING AH ha ha, poor thing!! Had to set her valves every time you took her over 110 !! Occasionally replace the head gasket or even mill down the head after we warped it!! & THAT always increases compression a little bit Bwah ha ha ha!! Still have a burn scar on our hand from her header!!! Moving too fast pulling her alternator! Bet the tech we could put it on the test bench in three minutes !! Right quick before they closed! Did it, but that scar is forever, ROFL...
We hope, but doubt, that Sammy's Corolla was at least a AE86, the Toy that STARTED THE SPORT OF DRIFTING!!!! The anime HERO car of Initial D!!! Nah, we checked, it's a beater worth 20K... geez Sammy even Kyle's tokyo taxi was better than THAT!!! Bloomber is right that shows a certain cheapness of the soul!! Hell we've had third hand cobbled together bored out hot cam & kerker MOTORCYCLES with more horses than that!!!
Alphaville also trotted this retread out, gotta love it, timeless, even tho they were too lazy to update it, a sincere thank you Alphaville, we are not worthy 
A meme on the rise!! Touche, AV, touche!! Wow, Alphaville is ON FIRE!! They link off to Gil telling us about Effective Altruism, a philosophy Sammy was into!! It's ok to earn to donate!! Rationalize your every moralish choice like a McKinsey consultant!!!
It's 50% BS, cause EA believes giving to shaky charities cancels out doing things you know are wasteful!! But a lovely idea, popular in San Fran, London and Scandinavia!! EA wants to R&D & mass produce cheap lights to sterilize water & desktops!! Some EA futurists think we are more likely to die in an AI disaster than a car wreck MAN THAT"S BIG!!!! Too bad, cause now? Now it's alllll dead & laughable thanks to Sammy in the eyes of the FT!!
Seriously, ON FIRE!!! We get THIS
TLDR: dream on, FT, one more large CEX and a hedge fund blowing sky high ain't no thermonuclear disaster that will end crypto!!! No matter how much fanatical anti-crypto hope you have. Sammy got no rockets to send back at FTX, and Binance honey badger DON'T care. Nor does BNB price action, baby!!!!
THIS Alphaville has some excellent reporting, thanks again!! Sammy dropped some weird hints, seems like FTX in Merica will be aiight !! It's only FTX international that is screwing around with Almeda. TBF, the FT thinks this proves US regs are working, and they have a point.
We seem to slip into FT anti crypto copypasta - kind of a Lehman moment!! But we veer back into reporting, sort of. It's funny, we got mad at AV for calling all crypto Disney dollars, previously carnival tickets. TBF FTX's FTT was in fact carnival tickets, worthless once the show closes!!!! Disney dollars you can save or give!!!
NOW the FT explains, FTT is like airline miles!! Except airline mile bonds EXIST ( wow, really? ) And CZ maybe KILLED FTX by spreading FUD on those airline miles safety records, or something. The FT links off to the old article about the crypto clown car, when Sammy explained the macro insanity of running yield farms pumping tokens. Fair enough, now is the time, kick while the industry is DOWN man!!
We don't care, it is NOT MAD (mutual destruction), just collateral damage!! Matic just pumped 30%!!!
Dear reader know we keep saying that BNB coin is due to moon, guess what !! BNB just pumped back to 300 like a ROCK, baby!! So, not even that MUCH collateral damage!! In reality, that's cause CZ just showed off his heavy guns on the blockchain. Binance has like eighty billion dollars lying around, it's NUTS!!! In loads of stablecoins, BTC, ETH, BNB ( admit it now, BNB is a blue chip crypto NOW) and god knows what else. Dear readers know Binance likes to squirrel away interstellar amounts of coins for, well, ever. Who knows fair market of their bags??
But we digress. The FT is THROBBING!! 
TLDR: Dear readers remember laughing at 21Shares, the idiots who brought out a STUNNINGLY mistimed bitcoin short ETP, the worst performing ETP by percentage of ALL TIME!!! YAY. !!!! Then, once BTC started to slip, 21Shares mistimed it all AGAIN, bringing out the long BTC ETP right into crypto winter!!!
Now, talking clown cars, 21Shares, among two others, had FTT only ETPs. In retrospect, AH HAH HAH HAH HAH !!! Oh that's gotta hurt.
TBF, 21Shares says it does what it says on the tin, and is processing redemptions just fine!!! Much more than you can say for FTT if you held it on FTX ROFL!!
Lamont, from we are really starting not to like Morningstar, says that the FCA was right to ban ETPs. He says London is no longer king hell global finance. What made London so successful for the last 30 to 40 years was deregulation and new products. But THIS time, the FCA was to some degree vindicated for sitting around with their thumbs up their arses. No, Lamont, strike that LAST sentence and what you say is 100%. Stick to your $@#$#$(&* beliefs, dude.
That's it for today, crypto fans!!! We love ya!! it's ALL gonna be aiight!!! Just lookit whitesnake, lol!!!
Gotta sleep, peace out
Love
Dave
Please refer a friend!! ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg
