Cryptonauts we love ya!! But we STILL want to laugh at the FT every day!! Sorreeeee!!! ar ar ar !!
Today's pink lady- a seething mass of contradictions and plain old anti-crypto lies!!
Dogs NEVER allowed to bark. Kucoin says 35 million Nigerians hold crypto, despite it being against the law. Leading the WORLD!!!! In the recent elections, Peter Obi was TOTALLY ahead in ALL the polls, and he LOVES crypto!! Fiat abuse became a HUGE issue, when the central bank forced the currency to be swapped out without enough currency to do the deed, in order to $(*&!! the incumbent!! Now the Nigerians all believe the election was rigged, as the gummint holds on to that fiat abusing power!!! TLDR: does a SINGLE WORD of Nigerian crypto make it into print in the FT? OF COURSE $(*$&##(*$&$(*#*& NOT!!!! AH ha ha ha ow ouch owie.
Tradfi corruption funnies!! Evading paying the taxman is a huge industry in the UK, filled with lawyers, offshore tax havens, fiddling accountants, you name it!! The National Audit Office says 32 billy was not paid. Not doing investigations in 2020-21 cost 9 billion!! Recently the gummint has promised over and over to go out and bust those lawyers et al to the max!! So did they?? TLDR: #($&#@($&* no they did NOT!!! Hey it's hard to sue LAWYERS!!
ANnnnnd - that's IT for crypto news allowed to reach the print tradfi readers!!
Online? Remember how we laughed at the FT wanting to do podcasts!! Now we cry over the FT wanting to do FILM!!! Arrrgh!!! TLDL: oh this is bad!! But it helps the FT to ONCE AGAIN package up all their lies and spin!!
It's very funny - clearly loads of the FT circle got BURNED by sammy!! Here we see them pretend like it was not their own greed & gullibility. Even funnier, Kyle and Su at Three Arrows were arguably WORSE - but, y'know, THEY were not the darlings of the Tony Blair / professor crowd!! so we ignore THEM.
Some of the funniest agitprop- this tripe makes it seem like Binance and FTX were the only games in town!! No, OKX, Upbit and Coinbase were all always bigger than FTX. The FT says FTX was the most trust worthy AH HA HA HA HA HA !!! That would be US regulated COINBASE, always was!!! But Sammy was the poster boy!! No, Brian was the poster boy for trustworthy exchanges!! Quit LYING!! Sammy was the poster boy for violating campaign finance laws as he became the second biggest donor to Gary's party EVAH!!!! ALL TIME!!! after George Soros. Sharing the stage with Tony Blair and Billy Cllnton!!
Anyway, all the crypto hate lies get worked in ONE. MORE. TIME!!!! Crypto has zero intrinsic value!!! Sammy gave money to BOTH sides!! yeah, like 95-5% !! ar ar ar ar!!! & even to reach that includes that weird short guy from NY who lied about EVERYTHING - like playing vollyball for an olympic team!! Hey it's not just the FT that's lying - Sammy says he knew nuthin about no customer deposits AH HA HA HA HA!!
Finally, online. Are the evil flying monkeys who have taken over FTX having a damn good time!!?? we KNOW they are!!! TLDR: there's a NASTY conspiracy theory out there that FTX was an inside job, set up to discredit crypto from the get-go!! OK that's insane. But so is this!!
The flying monkey lawyers getting paid 5K per hour to tell the judges to give more money to the lawyers have TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM!!! Yes, for some reason, if you had money on deposit at FTX, the LAW thinks that you should now pay 5K per hour for hoards of flying monkey lawyers to SUE GRAYSCALE WHAT WHAT WTF??? No really, we are NOT KIDDING!!! )MFG#$(*&$#(*$&#$(*$&#(*$&!!!!! TLDR: we wish we WERE kidding !!! we really do!!
What's the logic?? FTX bought a buncha Grayscale. It's 45% down now!! So, Greyscale should give all FTX's money back?? WHAT?? Now, Greyscale HAS been suing the SEC for their totally twisted ways, where they enabled futures ETFs to help control the price of BTC, but forbid spot ETF's - which would boost the price of BTC!! The SEC is lying their ass off, saying that the spot market could be manipulated, everyone knows the futures market is MUCH more manipulatable!!! So we are NOT conspiracists, but Occam's razor ( which says the simplest theory is probably the correct one) seems to be arguing with us!!! As crypto clients now pay monkeys to sue Grayscale for suing the SEC??? OMFG?? Run away, run away!!!!!
we love y'all cryptonauts!! Gotta crash!!!