Cryptonauts we love you!! So glad to be here together doing the heavy lifting on the crypto positive Overton window on the multiverse of the Pub 0x!

Reading music for today: TLDL:  whaddya got against New Found Glory??  We think we are what we've been waiting for!!! 

We ride into the tradfi steppes watch army!!    What do we get??  Changing the crypto fabric baby!!

Well don't forget our daily dose of fiat war machine agitprop!! TLDR: Don't worry, war hawks, there's ALWAYS plenty of time later to escalate.  Let's send modern tanks against an atomic power!! What could go wrong!??!   The REAL story:  Britain is just hoping to churn up enough of a tank movement to be able to unload their godawful Challenger tanks that no-one wants. 

& there's our installation of Tradfi Corruption Funnies   TLDR - FIVE BILLION in TradFI laundering fines for 2022.  Dansk bank paid two billion for laundering 200 billion, so overall Tradfi AML fines at 5 bn means what , 500 billion laundering CAUGHT AND FINED??   Why that's almost a thousand times 1000x !!!! the lousy Bltzlato total transactions.   Puts it in perspective huh?? 

Meanwhile in Brazil the richest man there Jorge & his pals seem to have swiped 4 billion from a huge retail chain.  Blame it on crypto FT!!! ar ar ar !! 

OK crypto that says crypto: only the Genesis WILL go bankrupt story from yesterday makes print today that's IT!!! That's nuts, there is a LOT of crypto news?!! but not for Joe & Jane bloggs, the print readers.  

Oh well loads ONLINE!  In reverse chronological order as always - we fly!! 

Alphaville weighs in once again - BRING OUT YER DEAD!!!!  ar ar ar we had it comingTLDR: the bloody red baron is rolling the score!!!  This is really a funny article.  The sharpies at AV HATE crypto and here they took their time to belly laugh at the ever rising body count!!  The formulae is immaculate: find the funniest tweets before and after bankruptcy!  

Genesis is added to the list.  Tweets are not that funny.  

Wyre went down.  The tweet the FT makes fun of is just their Xmas card, that's kinda low. 

Blockfi goes down.  In the same month they went bankrupt they did tweet that every day is an up day with the BlockFi card, that's kinda funny. 

Salt Lending announced a merger with Bnkto the Future in September.  Then in November Salt locked up, blamed FTX, and lost the merger offer. 

Rehash of FTX, rehash of Hotbit - that one was already done, but funny: TLDR: exec tip, always use Japanese anime to express the sudden pain of losing all your coins to a crooked exec rug pull!!! 

Hodlnaut lost their arse in 200MM of Luna.  It was a LITTLE funny that they pushed crypto security tips for noobs eight days before locking up !! 

Invictus Capital said they were regulate (sic) and world class in April.  In May they lost 100MM to fun with Luna and locked up.  What's funny, is in July Celsius showed in THEIR bankruptcy filing that Invictus owed them ten million!!! 

Vauld tweeted cheery advice in the months before THEY locked up.  Voyager was funnier, they tweeted they could weather ANY bear market EIGHT DAYS before they locked up.  Babel Finance, Celsius, it IS A LONG list. 

Finblox was funny, they tweeted about AIRDROPS TWO DAYS before limiting withdrawals. 

D'oh takes the CAKE tho baby this is HORRIBLE SIX DAYS before locking up TLDR: go peg yerself D'oh!!! 

Three arrows made it more than a month between a cheery quote and the lockup quote.  Finally, Nuri bank went three months between a cheery tweet and a shut down tweet. 

The REAL story:  with the exception of D'oh, NOT as funny as it seemed at first glance.  BTW, Nuri let everyone withdraw all their crypto just fine, so who cares!!??!   plus we heard that only the LENDING part of Genesis is headed for pre-planned bankruptcy, the broker lives on?  Pass the popcorn!!

HEY it's FRIDAY platoon!! Who's walking point?  We gotta do the cryptofinancial whatever newsletter bias dance!!!   It's FT montage biz as usual - did we mention it's de rigeur for BTC to be black  infested with blood red fear factors??  Dear readers know we DID!!! Lookit THIS classicTLDR: what is that background, BIOHAZARD!!??!  ah HA HA HA what a cheap shot!! Getting REALLY old. 

It's funny, the FT's nose is outta joint cuz no one gives a chit about Antoly Bitzlato going down!!  The FT huffs and puffs the copypasta NARRATIVE.  Hydra was bad!!  700 million laundered!!  This shows the US will arrest crypto dudes!!   

The FT gets, of course, a lawyer to comment.  Crypto's all too large role in money laundering!!  Rehash Tornado cash.  

Then the bias just stinks on the page.  Binance is linked to Bitzlato!!   What?? no it's freaking not!! Reading the filings, get ALL THE WAY TO PAGE 11, the feds say 4 out of 6 incoming and outgoing flows were crooked.  Binance and Local Bitcoins are listed as the two that are NOT associated with darknet or scams!! 

The REAL story:  FU FU FU FU FU FT!!! QUIT freaking LYING!!!  The baddies were Hydra and "TheFiniko."   This is not spin, this is an outright LIE !! The ONLY mention of Binance!! WE WANNA CORRECTION!!!

Binance ain't linked to Bitzlato!!   Even funnier, in TODAY'S PAPER we see where TradFi banks are CAUGHT doing half a trillion in money laundering, Antoly doesn't even move the needle!!  Those are ROOKIE numbers Antoly!!! ar ar ar

It's very funny, not really in the FT, but when the Fed teased this announcement, everyone freaked out - is Binance going down?? BTC paused/dipped.   Then we all heard it was twiddly winks with some russian in Hong Kong doing small change by Danske bank standards AH HA HA HA & now BTC is about to break 23K to the UPSIDE. & frankly, T-cash is STILL RUNNING!!! 

OK let's get to the LZ!! We get rehashes and links.  To Genesis.  To the story on BTC rising - this is funny, the link today says but is the rally durable??   two days ago BTC was at 20,500.  Now it's at 22,500.  10% pop!! That's one bad aging lead!!!!

Some cheezy story where Brits found a bug in an Aussie exchange, swiped 30 million, and started giving it away.  LInk below, it's kinda a feel good story, the main guy DIED before being prosecuted!!  No one is naming the exchange here which is odd but who cares. 

Rehash about GTX, the rebirth of Kyle and SU to trade bankruptcy claims!! 

Oh god we have to hear about Jamie Dimon calling Bitcoin a pet rock once again.   The REAL story:  this is funny, then, Jamie, cuz you are HIRING multi million dollar execs to advise your clients about PET ROCKS then WHO'S THE FOOL ??  Jamie IS the fool:!!! TLDR: apparently Jamie is too big of an idiot to READ the distributed code that is out there running!!    We know that WE are laughing at any fool that SAID that!!! Or the fools that reprint it AS IF it is a bad thing instead of a REALLY FUNNY THING AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!! 

The last copypasta anti crypto narrative talking down point is a chestnut - crypto crime hit 20 bn in 2022, if measured by every dollar that passed near every address that ever did ANYTHING wrong.   We just don't care, rookie numbers, Danske alone did 10x in Tradfi corruption. 

Lamely, the FT then tries to conflate ransomware with crypto.  Ransomeware dates back to the late eighties, dude, nice try - not.  Tether blew out VISA and Mastercard by 2X in 2022 volume.  Do we CARE if ransomeware uses VISA or a check or cash mailed to a P.O. box like the old days?? We do NOT.   

An attempt at a scary graph!  Some clients are not paying ransomeware demands!  This  fails miserably.   Yeah, if your IT has been doing BACKUPs, you DON'T NEED to pay ransomware!!! WTF do these people even THINK they are thinking???  That's a full five FUs, we don't CARE about the Judges!!  Also a sixth FU for not mentioning that Nexo settled with the US for chickenfeed. 

Get us to another online article PLEASE!! OK, it's crypto at Davos: TLDR: It's funny, bitter anti crypto narrative copypasta journos look for signs in the tea leaves that crypto is dead, inshallah haibibi.  There is NO FREE PIZZA from Tether this year!! Oh ya, and FTX FTX FTX FTX and don't forget FTX.  

CZ did not face hard questions!!  Blah blah blah. 

The REAL story:  Circle was all OVER the place!!!

CZ spoke about following music by bands that love crypto AH HA HA HA HA HA!! The FT says it like THAT's a BAD thing!!  WE see that like YEAH CZ!!  Not in the FT, link below!!! ar ar ar CZ rocking out to Method Man, Jay-Z, Doja Cat, Dolly Parton, Nas, Eminem, Kings of Leon, Grimes, Lionel Ritchie and Snoop Dogg E. Dogg!!!  with Dogge coin!! 

Crypto Castle gives us the awesome quote, hidden in the VERY LAST paragraph!!!!  The full quote is TLDR: escape the hell of CONTROLLING banks etc!!! 

Finally, online, a long, drawn out rehash of Gemini "earn."  There is one funny, a tweet from Camron

TLDR:  we mentioned that Gemini screwed up some lives.  the FT goes to great lengths to find the  victims.  The prize winner is some guy who took ALL of grandma's 100K nest egg and gave it to Gemini.   Now, we JUST DON'T CARE if there were ads on the subway, that is NOT diversified and probably illegal.  & WAY not smart. & if he had put 100% of it in Meta Stock or private equity IT COULD HAVE BEEN WAY WORSE AR AR AR AR AR AROOO0000OOOO!!!

Alright watch fans, bless ya if you are here!! We love ya, we gotta pass out. 

Peace out!! Love!! please refer a pal: ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg 

Thank you thank you as the Watch Army hits the 900 count!! You know who you are & WE LOVE YOU!! Take ultra high end paramilitary good care of you & yours, we NEED YOU!!! 

Love, 

Dave

I know you're scared and so am I
But I think that's a sign we're worth a try