Cryptonauts, we love you!! Thanks for being here in crypto spring on the ever ascending Pub 0x!!! 

Changing crypto in the FT one chitpost and one click at a TIME Watch Army!! Ye will go straight to heaven!!!    Here's reading music for crypto passing the 1 trillion mark baby!! Hey the FIRST trillion is always the hardest AR AR AR!!!  TLDL; we're doing fine, and we won't give you control!!! 

Aiight baby let's RIP, what do our esteemed ink-stained salmon lady's pages give us for crypto today?? 

Here's an installation of tradfi corruption funnies:  

TLDR: nobody expects the spanish inquisition, ar ar ar !! This one is funny to all of us who have worked 12 hour "professional' days.  If yer at a consulting firm, & the work is there, ya TAKE IT!! and everyone had that year where they went off the clock to become an "exec" and got paid a LOT less per hour that year!! But it's up or out at the Big Four!  Living the dream, YOU can be slave driving OTHERS if yer GOOD!!!! 

OK crypto that says crypto!!  Not much.  Lex's latest madness  makes dead trees. Without total reg control, all crypto trades are equally risky!  Ah ha HA HA HA!!!  It looks even worse in print.  Say, here's a trade, anyone can send us any crypto they want,  and we will send them back some BUTT coin on the Rinkleby network.    If that looks equally risky to y'all, FT, send us yer wallet address and we will hook y'all UP!!!  ar ar ar ar !!! 

The ONLY new story in print -  we get another B of E lifer - what a surprise - spouting inanities.  It's Funny!!! Tony is such a let it burner crabby monkey that even though he hates crypto, he STILL hates CBDCs!!!  TLDR:  Tony hallucinates that the private crypto sector is imploding in flames!!! Well, ya know, slow moving gummint workers can't be EXPECTED to keep up with current events as they polish up their copypasta agitprop in their ivory gummint towers.    

The REAL story:  let's boil it down.  Tony is the kinda jerk that sees CBDCs offering 98% savings in pilots, and sez why h-ll, let's just TAX the current service providers to get all them savings with no CBDCs!!  We are not kidding.  Zoom out, that just says it all about people who never held a real job, never met a payroll.  Tony's a BofE lifer who went straight from school into gummint work, then after decades of that, coasting like this.   Hey Tony, go tell SWIFT yer gonna have the royal power of Eng er land, ol lil Britain gonna  slam on a fresh TAX - 98% of their expenses for actually moving money!!! ah HA HA HA HA!!!  Go tell it to the boys at Stripe!!!! #(#@(*&$##@*&( schmuck. 

It's very funny, Tony still DROOLS over all the fun central banks could have doing tricks to the people with CBDCs!!  But his "let it burn" roots forbid him.  We don't care what he thinks!!  CBDC's WILL exist and WILL be evil as all get out, time will show. 

Halleleuijah, it's a crypto story without death to crypto subliminal messages in the graphix.  Usually, heavy handed blood red awash in the sea of unending black when a bitcoin shows up.  Today, the FT tries a softer message :  look, bitcoin is just --- small.  Very small, and contained. In the hands of a well manicured woman ah ha TLDR:  it hurts the FT but this article, unlike ALL THE OTHER coverage in the last two days, does mention BTC is up over 21K and all crypto over 1 tn. 

Blah blah FTX, inflation is easing, it's all stocks rising.  JP morgan  Niko sez bitcoin IS substituting for gold.  Eth, the "building block" crypto is up.  It's RISK ON ( clap clap) time says B2C2 Ed!! 

Blah blah FTX again, nothing means this move up is sustainable says Crypto Compare Dave.  Rehash Genesis, FTX ( three times!! take a shot) DCG, Silvergate, Coinbase and crypto.com. 

Kelko says there was a short squeeze.  90% of bitcoin volume is done in stablecoin pairs. The FT says this like it's a BAD thing!! it's cause yer trading OUT of a chitcoin in to BTC, eds!!  Liquidity as measured by bid/offer volume within 2% has gone off 20% even with volume back.  Again, the FT thinks THIS is a bad thing, sounds more like a real market to us. 

Finally, we see this masterful misframing of a quote.  Ian at CryptoUK says even if Barry & Genesis go chapter 13, it's priced in!!   To the FT, this means another shakeout !!! TLDR:  NO, quit LYING!! Ian said NO shakeout it's already baked into the MARKET AH HA HA HA! 

We thought we would get away without uttering any F bombs, but that last bit of spin made us say, to quote Sum 41, 'we're not listening!!" & have an FU.  Judges, who were sleeping on the job yesterday, disagree, a split decision with only a half FU lobbed. 

Online!!  TLDR: The DoJ shut down Hydra last year, said they were doing 80% of all the baddie darknet crypto.  Now they nabbed Anatoly for trading 700 mil of laundered money with Hydra.  Doesn't compare with Danske Banks 200 BILLION in laundered crypto, where no one went to jail!!!  But, y'know, the news has gotta fit the anti-crypto narrative to get juicy billing. 

Online!! It's wild n scary how much $$$ Sammy gave to media startups!! TLDR:  It's funny, other media players gave Sammybucks back, but Semafor really does NOT  want to!!  Even funnier, Sempfor kinda lied about how much of their stack CAME from Sammy! 

Only now, under pressure ( read, legal threats from flying lawyers ) is Semafor, a startup by a Bloomberg bigwig, considering paying FTX investors back. That's funny!! But WILL they?? 

Finally online :  TLDR:  Petet T's Founders fund got into BTC in 2014, and used 66% of their original funding to buy bitcoin!! 

Then, they got the eff out of BTC!! At the time BTC was at 44 K and Peter said it could go 100x from there!   

At the same time,   Founders exited other projects like Airbnb & Palantir  as well early last year, booking almost two billion in BTC profits.   Palantir was their wildly successful software company, selling SaaS to the gummint and wall street  and industry giants like Airbus,  had almost 100 BILLION in market cap at peak!! 

The REAL story:  that's a great story right there!! But this is the FT so we have to wade through a boatload of rehash, FTX, number go down.  Here's one, in 2017 Jamie JP said bitcoin was a fraud WHY do we have to HEAR this $#(&$#(*#*($ again!!!   Sweeet $(&* we DON'T WE ARE NOT LISTENING!!!  2017, lord love a duck.

Let us pause for a moment and compare Peter T to Tony BofE.   Which one should we respect?  Which one had a REAL job and DESERVES to have his rando ideas in print in the TradFi bible?? 

That's it crypto fans!! We are all up to date with the latest & greatest tradfi crypto news!!! Feel smart like Peter!!! 

May we have your attention pleaseâ?¦
we pledge allegiance to the underclass as your hero at large.   ar ar ar arooo000000!!!! 

We gotta pass out, take great care of yourselves, enjoy the coming fine weather ar ar ar !!! 

Peace out, love

Dave

We don't owe anyone an explanation
Fuck elitists
We don't need this
We're the elite of just alright And well, because we're doing fine
And we don't need to be told that we're doing fine
'Cause we won't give you control
And we don't need anything from you
'Cause we'll be just fine
And we won't be bought and sold just like you !!

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We will be here all season!! Try the borscht!!!  love Dave