Cryptonauts, we love you!! Be safe this Friday the 13th!!  Good day for BTC tho ar ar ar !!! 

Reading music: what else: TLDL: in love with y'all, and your efforts to hoist humanity above the abuses of fiat!! 

What's news in the pink lady today, Watch Army??  Alas, we reviewed today's paper yesterday as it published online - durp!! 

We missed one story tho - Nexo gets raided in Bulgaria. TLDR: NEXO coin has been down and staying kinda down, $#!$(&& Celcius coin is worth almost as much !!!  Nexo had to give up on offering interest accounts in the USA, instead opened in Italy!!    

300 officers is a big raid.  Someone working in the back office in Bulgaria was ID'ed as a terrorist funder.  Nexo is fully co-operating.  It looks like Bulgarian on Bulgarian crime!!

Oddly, the FT quotes a  Nexo spokesman throwing Bulgaria under the bus as the most corrupt country in the EU!???!??  WTF was that??? 

The REAL story:   NOT in the FT, Nexo is SUING Bulgaria for damages !!  It was Antonio who emailed the quote to Decrypt!!!  TLDR:  bold move, maybe not smart to rile up the gummint more, but in this case, Nexo must figure WTH the best defense is a good offense!! Who knows?? pass the popcorn!! Oh no, we can't afford any as long as Nexo tokens are under a dollar!!  Which now looks like it will be forever.....

Gary Gensler is celebrating Friday the 13th TOO!! How?  By opening fire on Genesis and Gemini!!! It's pretty funny, Gemini was hoping someone, anyone would force Genesis to give the funds back to GeminiTLDR:  Instead, the SEC just sues them ALL for unregistered securities!! 

Fun facts emerge.   The Wrinkledvirii had around 300K clients with about 3K each on the average in the Gain program.  Tyler and Cameron gave up to 8% interest but POCKETED UP TO 4% interest for THEMSELVES!!! AH HA HA HA HA!!!  In three months to March, the only thing Genesis DID was accept and loan crypto, for which they earned about 2% on 166 million. 

Rehash Genesis trying to raise capital, rehash BlockFi and Celsius, add Nexo to the rehash list & we have ourselves a strong effort at a depressing crypto narrative!!!   The REAL story:  BTC is above 19K ah ha ha ha!! 

Pattern recognition - hey it's another story about crypto LAYOFFs !!TLDR: we still don't care.  If justice was done, then Crypto.com fired their marketing department FIRST for the ads and crypto.com STADIUM!!  Hire, fire, whatever. 

In the second paragraph, the FT references a link to Coinbase laying off in "an attempt" to weather the downturn.   OOOHhhhh that's a weasel word there!!  Yesterday they said to "ENSURE"  COIN would rock on !!   We got ONE statement to make, cuz it AIN'T in the FT:  COIN YTD BABY!!!  MOONED almost 50% YTD. TLDR:  Mention THAT you biased monkees!!  SAY IT!! SAY IT #$@(&#$(*$&#*(@ YOU!!!! ah ha ha ha ha ha!!! 

We trudge on to the dreaded cryptofinance newsletter.  It starts with repeating a lie:  or maybe repeating the repetition of a lie, never sure here. TLDR:  it's FUNNY!!! COIN is ripping, BNB is ripping, we don't see the divergence!!!

In earlier "reporting" this week,  we heard that Coinbase cut 20% of staff, or 1100, last summer, going from 5,500 to 4,400 employees.  Then recently they cut another 20%, or 950 employees.  THAT means that COIN HIRED 8%, to get from 4,400 to 4750, so that a 20 cut is 950 this time!!   It's basic math.   A 20% cut of 950 employees leaves COIN at 3850. 

This col is often fast & loose with numbers, had to print retractions a couple of times, WE WANNA RETRACTION!!! The FT claims total cuts are 35% from last summer.   Not true, a cut from 5,500 to 3850 is only a 30% cut.   We know  writers are not good with numbers, but try the calc function on Google sometime!!! Or, MR EDITORS y'all could try it TOO!!!  CORRECTION!! RETRACTION!! AH ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! 

Of course, the FT does not mention COIN is UP nearly 50% YTD.   Nor BNB 25% off the lows of Dec. 

The story blunders on.  It does print a nice graph: TLDR: Binance is HIRING 30% next year!  To 10,000!   The FT wants to know; what will  the Binance army DO all day??  Now, this is just stupid as $#!$(#*&.    We just discussed Coinbase has 3850.  RIGHT Here we see Binance has 8X the volume!!! but the FT is upset because they will have (not even) 3x the headcount!! Even funnier, Binance runs a full spectrum shop, with a DEX, WAY more chitcoins than COIN, plus staking, lending, every $$(&* weird thing out there, Binance runs SOME version of it.  The graph only shows the SPOT gap.  AH HA HA HA HA!! 

The article goes on to rant about the "perfect storm on the digital assets market."  What?? YTD  COIN is up 50%, BTC is up 16%,  market cap is up from 820MM on Jan 1 to 940MM right now.  WTF storm is the FT hallucinating over?   They continue, BofA downgraded COIN to underperform, S&P downgraded COIN's debt.    Amazingly, the FT just can't say COIN is up 50% for the year like they $#$$#*(& should.   Pass the popcorn, feeling good about this one!!!  Rock steady COIN and BNB!!

News update!! El Salvador passed a law heading for the volcano bonds.  The FT gives a snotty quote about queing up, and prints a chitty quote.  

Dear readers know we love to laugh at the ultra low quality of the anti-crypto quote sourcing at the FT, scraping the bottom of the BARREL baby!! Check this one out.  Ricardo, the GET THIS assistant prof of PUBLIC RELATIONS at Cal State in Fullerton.    Now Cal State Fullerton is ranked NOT EVEN in the top 150 universities,.  &   PR has NOTHING to do with Bitcoin!!! ( quick get us Satoshi's PR department on the line ah HA AH HA HA HA HA)

Why do we have to listen to ANYTHING the ASSISTANT prof says about something SO FAR out of his expertise??  Cuz THAT's how low we have fallen for credible anti-bitcoin quotes these days, it's a GOOD sign really AH HA HA HA HA LMFAOOOO!!!!   Ricardo says things like "bitcoin is running out of customers" which is not only untrue but sad, mean even to not recognize all those it has helped.  Here Ricardo pays for his FT flat roof pub tab expense account by dutifully stating Salvador is dire and desperate.  What ever pass the popcorn we look FORWARD to this one!!

Have not read the rest but suddenly we are bored already.  Yep, here it is, cold rehash of neggy agitprop.  Genesis, Gemini, the SEC, Nexo.  Y'know, FT, in your lap dog eagerness to cheerlead the (nonexistant) death of crypto, y'all are missing out on the actual STORIES.  Like, it is kind of important to mention that Nexo is SUING the Bulgarian gummint, innit?  Kind of rounds out the picture?? NOT in the FT. 

TBF, what we THOUGHT was rehash about the BIS was actually a NEW BIS report (Jan 12) with all the same old crap in it!!   Ready with shot glasses??  Link below, we missed some FER SHURE HIC! but we DID see - a graph of Terra / luna crashing!!  A plan to BAN crypto ( ah ha ha HA HA!!  Ask China's hashrate how's THAT going!!   Bonus funny!!!  " assuming that the ban is effective "  AH HA HA HA ar ar ar ar aroooo0000000000!!

A shot for Contain it!!  One for MOAR REGULATION !! 

The BIS claims decentralization in crypto is illusory AH HA HA HA ok so BAN BTC & then let us know your thoughts!!    

A shot for this one, it's conceptual, but funny.  As usual, anti-crypto folks mis define crypto, then prove that their mis definition is impossible!!! Right???  Here we have a classic example: "The vision of crypto proponents is to do away with financial intermediaries!! "    ah ha ha no it's not!! The vision of BTC was to do away with CENTRAL BANKS abusing their Cantillon power to bail out their wall street / city butt buddies!!! 

Shot times!! Ponzi!! Governance tokens prove something bad ( ah ha ha ha!!)  Stablecoins are important! ( not really but SO WHAT!!! )  OK we are bored, we could do this all day but get us out of this BIS mess!! 

Rehash Mica bs. 

Oh WAIT THIS IS GREAT!!! oh kissy kissy, we take it all back FT, this is great reporting Thank you thank you, we did not KNOW!!! 

To end on the prerequisite foul note, the FT resorts to the cliche, crypto bad, AML and terrorists.   Now money laundering goes on IMMENSELY without crypto, using crypto INCREASES chances of being busted.   Some lame graph tries to be scary by showing almost 20 billion going to possibly bad actors last year, up very little.  The REAL story: Dear readers know Dansk Bank ALONE got busted last month for laundering 230 billion, yes, over 10x of terrorist and human trafficking funds.  They did not use a DROP of crypto.  This is just copypasta, born old and now starting to smell that way. OK 

we are ALL UP TO DATE with the current crypto agitprop from the world's greatest tradfi newspaper!!! Thank you Watch Army, time for R & R!!

We must snooze soon, ok we just wanna drink!!  We love you guys though, thanks so much for this time together, take care of yourself, & those around you, it's IMPORTANT!!

Peace out, 

love

Dave

PS please refer someone.  A frenemy even!!! ar ar ar ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg

Love, 

Dave

Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek spinning 'round and 'round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love

love

Dave