Cryptonauts, we love you!! So we skipped the pink lady yesterday when SHE skipped crypto again!!
Tho yesterday had no crypto, they DID manage to find room to print THIS, you tell US WHY
TLDR: so, there's that.
Today in print: we start with a hack job on disruptor bank N26
TLDR: samo. The real story: Buried deep in this muck, N26 sez it's all good, people love the metal card (FT calls it "SWANKY" ah ha ha ha ) people pay 20 buck a month for the app!! They will be profitable soon!! Doesn't sound too woeful for us, their biggest ( AND most humorously annoying) is the BaFin restricting how many new clients a MONTH they can RACK UP AH HA HA HA HA HA
Our next chucklestop in print is Derebit!! Yeah baby, EXCHANGE WARS is the headline!! 
TLDR: Zoom WAY out for the BIG funnies!! Remember, the UK could be making BANK on taxing Binance UK commissions. but NOOO. Coinbase pays a lot of taxes, so does the CME but they are both farts in the wind compared to Derebit and Binance. So, here we are, losing the race to Panama and where ever CZ lays his head. ah ha ha HA HAH HA!!
The FT does realize what a big deal this is. Where is the CME with a spot market??
Here's a funny crypto won't say crypto
TLDR: first the Oz bank said we WON'T raise rates till 2024. Then they raised them every month for a YEAR ALREADY AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
IN boring non news: it's STILL funny how the Ontario teachers BRAGGED about what great due diligence they did with Sammy hanging out in the sunny islands ah HA HA HA HA
TLDR here's a big puff of nothing earning a solid two out of five FU's for just blaming CRYPTO, not talking about the real problem. Idiots who don't get an audited balance sheet before making investments!!! Here's an understatment 
"feedback from members" indeed ah HA HA HA HA! give us EXAMPLES plz ar ar ar
OK time for punky love music. TLDL: Always loved this song. Video is corny but still...
We must now face the friday crypto deathmarch. OK whatever, let's go
TLDR: OMFG. Kraken folds. Nexo moves out of town. Bittrex packs it in and leaves the country. Binance is squeezed out. Lord Phillip quits the gummint and takes his crypto company Copper out of the country.
Yet the $(#@$#($#(*&( FT leads with Coinbase's "threats." COINbase's threats!!!
Coinbase just got a license in Bermuda. But the FT levels a BIG threat - does that even matter?? the SEC will get you ANYWAY BWAH ha ha ha!! Just ask D'Oh!! or Sammy!! 
In all the other depressing crypto news the FT chose to dig up and highlight:
The FT screws up the capitalization of MiCa, but who cares, it oozes forward. Maybe.
Sothelbys is auctioning NFTs seized from 3AC.
Binance's attempt to buy out Voyager lurches slightly forward, if they even want to given Gary
Oh wow, the next to last article is a fig leaf pretending to be "without fear or favor" ha ha. Here's a laugher
the Hill this week, the SEC chief encountered stiff opposition from one of crypto’s biggest American advocates, Representative Tom Emmer (R-MN). “Your regulatory style lacks flexibility and nuance, and as a result, you’ve been an incompetent cop on the beat, doing nothing to protect everyday Americans and pushing American firms into the hands of the Chinese Communist party.”
TLDR: into the hands of COMMIES, Gary, COMMIES ar ar ar ar oooo!!
In the obligatory attempt at a scary graph to end, what do we get?
the US has the most money in the world, and the most crypto & crypto users!! Yet the lead US exchange, Coinbase, only has 10% of the volume.
Here we see the despicable FT joke that hey, that's great, Coinbase will stay right here for us to torture forever: 
TLDR: bite this pal. Just like the UK's dying City, The US already HAS lost the lions slice of an innovative, revolutionary business, AND the massive tax base that comes with it. Pukeage.
We should have just given four out of five FU's and not read the article!!!
Ah well ! life goes ON baby !!
We love you cryptonauts! Take care of yourselves!! Thank you for taking care of the future by being here on the Publish0x doin crypto things!! Your watch army shall be victorious!!
Peace out,
love
Dave
