Defenders of distributed money, we love you!! The watch army rides at dawn on the Pub0x, one for all, all for one!! On a MISSION, baby!!
To laugh at todays tradfi agitprop, that is!! What's funny?? US CDS, credit default swaps, are surging on thoughts that the US might default on debt!! That'a funny crypto that can't say crypto!!
Online, we get cryptofinance11
TLDR: hey at this point the subliminals of the FT's crypto montages are funny in and of themselves!! C'mon, when was the last time ya saw black n silver physical bitcoins, with a weird vaseline lens blurry fog, floating above a scary negative exposed white on bright blood red technical analysis AH HA HA HA HA HA !!!
OK then whatever. It's another cute try for the FT flat roof pub meat prize for the worst anti-crypto narrative copypasta!!
With a BONUS, today, we get talking points !!! Remember the ones we all laughed at yesterday? By super secret agreement, magically they re-appear TODAY!!
fund managers want crypto DESPITE !!! 1) price go down 2) "bad news' 3) the CRACKDOWN by Merica!! Then, repeat the exact lie that BTC is up only 50% - it's more like 100%!! Aww, they're scared....
OK here's some fresher hack jobbing. Depth of market is down. Therefore the LSE will enter the fray for institutions, late as hell like we laughed at yesterday, along with GFO-X, and Nomura with Laser Digital / ClearToken, and Komainu. Ah man we need a punk rock love song for this slog:
TLDR that's better where were we?
Blah blah blah, exchanges are a leap of faith, wallets and keys are hard (QUIT WHINING!!! ) so turn it all over to clearing houses. "sounds dull, but offers a sharp professional contrast to the amateur, do it yourself efforts of crypto. "STFU!!! REAL players like Blackrock and Schroders, the biggest asset manager IN the UK , have all gone balls to the wall crypto LAST YEAR!! Mention THAT!! WHO GIVES a rat's furry about these johnny come latelys?? 
Eth changed to allow withdrawals, but Binance sez it may take time for large withdrawals.
Let's tighten this up before we die of boredom. Here the FT wanders off into incoherence, saying wholesale financial markets are less centralized than crypto, singing the praises of two days to meet margin calls. WTAF, dear readers know the LME locked up and puked BILLIONS of dollars ending in lawsuits when their centralized system FAILED. Mention THAT you $(2*&#$#(4*ǩ#$7!!!!
The FT actually daydreams that someday the crypto market could be like the foreign exchange market - where the average client gets SCREWED on interest rates, but that the substantial biz takes place elsewhere, in a radically different world. & THEY SAY THAT LIKE IT"S A GOOD THING AH HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!
The Judges take BACK the fart in a spacesuit award dear readers know we all gave to Warren Buffet, so the mighty Watch Army may give it to the FT HERE!! 
TLDR: Phillip, what color is the WIND PHILLIP???
We offer three of five FU's for this article, but the Judges, who are hungover & in a bad mood themselves UP the count to 5 out of 5 FU's for the extra horribly BORING writing style, it's like ATTEMPTING to be condescending!!
In other fetid negatively selected "news" - ETH once again, perfectly pulled off another of the largest, most important fintech upgrades in all history, without a flaw. Here the FT spits on ETH attracting institutional investors, and says the "much-touted" Merge promised to prep for institutions, and "it hasn't." Yes, it #@$)(#@*$)@#$*#$N. has, driving energy costs away, no matter WHAT you say, paves the way for ESG bound companies to come in. Quit lying. It's funny, the FT cherrypicked neggy info from Kaiko!! Kaiko's state of the crypto reports also had LOADS of massive crypto GROWTH stats. More contracts being launched than EVER!!
FTX FTX FTX, and
not subtle at ALL, the FT quotes Mikey Novogratz saying the crypto investor base was energized by banks collapsing and US enforcement. Why? because along with saying crypto is a little persons revolution against the gummint they don't trust!! Mikey says it is a "religious" belief. AND THAT'S on the FT agitprop talking points list !!! The magic word is "religious" to be repeated as a point of scorn against BTC!!
Finally the FT tries for a scary graphic to end, and does a faceplant instead. Here is their try
TLDR: the FT tries to make it look like the mighty CFTC destroyed Binance's volume, using Keiko's data. the graph labels make no sense - is that the rolling average of the five days? WHICH five days?
But don't take OUR word for it AH HA HA HA HA !! EVERYONE else that covered the story, including Keiko their own selves, clearly state that ALL the effect came from Binance ending no-fee trading!! 
Kaiko predicted the cut would remove volume. Not in the 3#(*&#$#(*& FT, Here it is when it INCREASED volume:
TLDR: after everyone like the FT whined, Kaiko adjusted their stance from "the CFTC ruling did not significantly affect Binance volumes" all the way to " OK, the CFTC affected volume a little bit."
Ah ha ha ha ha ha!! 4 out of FIVE FU's for this deliberately misleading neggy pile of tripe that ACTUALLY IGNORES what the SOURCE SAID!!!
We love y'all cryptonauts!! Hope to see you soon in happy funny crypto news land!! Thanks so much for helping your Watch Army push back the boundaries of anti-crypto nonsense, it's important!!
Please refer a pal to the watch army!
Follow us on twitter, we will follow you!! @davidsawyer
Peace out,
love
Dave
