Bitcoin To Become President of the United States of America

(Because it's not true, you almost certainly know it most likely has to be... somewhere).

Bitcoin is a cryptocurrency, a digital currency given value by a network of computers formed together to present a "blockchain" which keeps track of a public ledger of all transactions.

Because of Bitcoin's fiscal responsibility, transparency, and ability to handle a Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) better than the standing members of Congress, matched to a loophole in mail-in-voter fraud, Bitcoin has been "penciled-in" as the number one candidate for the Democratic, Republican, and Libertarian parties. But, it was an overwhelming Communist Party U.S.A. that handed in 300 million votes for Bitcoin that tipped the scales.

Pelosi was quoted on the matter:

When we saw the numbers pour in, we figured 2020 was the year of unprecedented action, so we took it upon ourselves to bump election results up to October 1, since technically it would be impossible for any other candidate to win enough votes in or out of the electoral college to make a difference.

Bitcoin will be sworn in anonymously via transaction ID notes, oddly with neutral reporting on Coinmarketcap. CZ, President of Binance, and now CMC as well, will be swearing Bitcoin in, with a side note that if the real Satoshi just happens to come back out of the shadows given his creation's reception of such a high honor, Satoshi will be given the honorary position to swear Bitcoin into office.

Bitcoin, in addition to becoming the first non-human POTUS, is also the first candidate not to have a single position on any of the political talking points, and is completely neutral in all foreign affair matters, including China and Russia. I mean, seriously, how could BTC become POTUS without Russian influence or Chinese mining?

Instead of taxes, everyone will simply pay the going rate on transaction fees, a flat tax Libertarians have begged for, and the public ledger means everything the government pays for can be viewed by every citizen 24/7.

Update: Bitcoin has just elected "privacy coin" as the Chair of the Board of Governors for the Federal Reserve, so actually everything the government spends just became classified again.

Can't win 'em all.

And on that note...

Gordon Freeman out.