The Takeaway

• I report my experiences with 13 free crypto faucets (what on Earth am I doing with my life?????????)
• I really like and happily refer you to Cointiply, BetFury, and RollerCoin, and if NANO is your thing, then TipNano app, too
• I think there is some merit in FreeBitco.in (if you build your own referral base), DutchyCorp (it is BonKeRz!), and maybe Pipeflare.
• Although as always YMMV (your mileage may vary), I did not like and won't personally recommend ES Faucet, Allcoins, FaucetCrypto, GlobalHive, or Simulated Ape Miner (not made up)

My adventures in Cryptoworld started with two ideas. First, I wanted a nationless holder of value that might appreciate even if inflation struck the US dollar, which is the fiat in which pretty much everything I have is valued. Second, I wanted to gain benefits with as low of a risk to my existing assets as possible. 

These ideas quickly led to a 4-prong strategy:

1. Earn interest for deposits in stable coin on exchanges like Celsius and BlockFi - so far this is doing really well! 

2. Put a little bit into premium crypto, essentially BTC and ETH - other than accidentally spending ETH on gas to get literally shit from it, this has been doing well too!

3. Learn about altcoins, DeFi, Dex, trading, bots, API (still don't know what this is), AMM (I know the words), LPs (why trading pairs?), NFT, ICOs and a million other ways to invest - this....is going....slowly....lots....to....learn....to....get....up....to....speeeedddddd....

4. Get Free Stuff!

Right now, #2 is going the best given the bull market we're in. Makes me look like an accidental genius, but I know it can't last. #3, well, you can probably tell I am a slow mammajamma at this point and not ready to start trading in any big volume. #1 is slow but steady and gives me peace of mind.

But, surprisingly, even though it is Noob City and ripe with timewasting wormholes and often well-deserved mockery, my plan to Get Free Stuff! has delivered some real value. Like, I don't even need to count out to 53 decimal places to see that I have gotten value from being a cheapskate!

It takes time - so much time that you really can feel like a dummy clicking and clicking and clicking for one 10-millionth of a BitCoin. Lucky for you, I have wasted a lot of my boss's time at my job clicking away to find the sites that have had the greatest payoff for me! (and don't be sad for my boss...I am not paid hourly, get all my work done, and can't earn more by working harder, so what else am I going to do? Click!)

Here are the 13 sites I will report on: Cointiply, BetFury, RollerCoin, FreeBitco.in, TipNano, DutchyCorp, Pipeflare, Global Hive, Allcoins, ES Faucet, FaucetCrypto, and Simulated Ape Miner. As a +1 Bonus Level Up, I will remind you that I already reviewed the many FreeBlanketyBlank.com sites and they are all baboon poo (e.g., FreeEthereum.com, Free-LTC.com blah blah blah).

My goal was to share what I earned in 1 week. Sometimes I kept using the sites for more than 1 week, so I have provided 2 week totals. For the sites I still use and feel comfortable recommending, I will give my current total (and my full disclosure reason for recommending). Totals are usually in BTC Satoshi (1 Satoshi = .00000001 BTC), but where that is too tricky, I just use the native faucet currency. For each, I also tried to give a flavor of what you can do at these sites.

Here we go!

• Cointiply - I have written separate posts about Cointiply and how big a fan I am of it. It has a lot of different features: Faucet, Pay to Click (PTC), surveys, app downloads, etc. It has a built in loyalty program and you can use one of its native coins to buy boosts. Cointiply native coins are pegged to the US dollar, so you can redeem them to buy dips in BTC! I recommend Cointiply with only one reservation...don't waste your money on the multiplier. Sign up here with my referral, and read my guide if you want to really add noticeable BTC to your stash! 
• The Payoff - 1 week = ~5,000 Satoshi. Currently, I have 38,000 Satoshi, and have redeemed 165,000. In total, that's .002 BTC
• BetFury - This is another site I have written about. It is a gambling site, so it is risky risky, but if you keep your shit tight, you can accumulate reasonable levels of several premium coins. I recommend BetFury as a faucet site and as a staking site (you can buy boxes, which is really just staking your crypto for a set APY%), and I gamble the absolute minimum, which is what I recommend for you, too. BetFury has a high house edge, and the house always wins. You can stake with their native coin and get a daily payout of crypto dust, equivalent to about 1 Satoshi in multiple coins at the entry level, increasing as you earn native coin. Sign up here with my referral, and read my guide to avoid giving your crypto back. 
• The Payoff - 1 week = 0, yeah, big fat 0 because I got mad and gambled it all away like a mad idiot baby. 2 weeks = ~600 Satoshi, I learned my lesson and gamble tiny amounts to mine their native coin and let it go when they win their money back. Currently, I have 6,174 Satoshi, but also a little ETH and .01 BNB. I will have more than .02 BNB in a couple of weeks when my boxes release.
• RollerCoin - This is a "mining simulation" site where you play basic, retro, SuperNintendo-esque video games to power up a virtual BTC miner. The more you play, the more Hertz of mining power you have. If you get enough power and win enough games, your miner will keep going for up to 7 days, although the mining power decays. The way to earn more is to play more games and get your miner cranking. If you want, you can buy virtual mining rigs that will permanently keep your mining power at a certain level without needing to play games. But I am cheap and I don't mind the games, so I haven't explored that route. They have a native coin that can be used for buying mining rigs, too, but I can't figure out how to get any of those for free. I recommend this site because what you get out of it is what you put into it. You can sign up with my referral here. I recommend picking whichever 2 or 3 games you are best at and working those. As you win, the difficulty and Hertz power payout increases.
• The Payoff - 1 week = 1,400 Satoshi. Currently, I'm at 5,628 Satoshi.
• TipNano - This is a simple site where you watch videos or do surveys or download apps for NANO. I love NANO, it just makes sense to me as a cheap, fast crypto (no gas!!!!!). You can find a few ways to get free NANO, but this is the best if you don't live in a place with a lot of hotspots for WeNano (which I don't). This is a phone app, and you can download (Android) here with my referral, otherwise just search for it in your favorite app store. The Payoff - 1 week = .1 NANO ($0.50).
• DutchyCorp - I love this site even though it doesn't pay out anything like Cointiply, and uses tons of RAM on my creaking old laptop. It is BonKers!! It has everything you would want in a slightly meth-fueled vaguely suspicious site! Robot mascot? Yes! Lots of freaky ads promising me great hookups with Latina and Asian beauties in my area? Yes please! (don't tell my wife) Clashing colors, complex tokenomics, occasional pop-up ads, PTC, short ads, many many many coins neither you nor any of your friends have heard of, random rains of POTcoin, surveys that you never qualify for? Don't make me laugh...of course it's all here! It's center piece is an autofaucet that is fueled with native DUTCHY coin, which you earn by doing rolls or watching ads, etc. They also have a Coin-O-the-Month which has its own roll. Right now it is LTC. This is a multicoin site and you can choose which coins you want the autofaucet to pay in. Each coin costs its own DUTCHY stream, so you just need more dutchy if you want more coins. This site really is like your druggie friend from high school who started a marijuana business, seems like he's always just about to lose his mind, but makes actual money. I don't officially recommend this site because the payout rate for me is pretty low, and once LTC month is over, I'll take that and probably stop using it. That might change if I ever qualified for the surveys. But it is so bonkers that I can't help but like it! You can use my referral here if you'd like.
• The Payoff - Hard to say for sure, but Dutchy provides an estimated value of your total balances... 1 week = 268 Satoshi (low, I know, but with similarly low min payout). Currently, it's at 968 Satoshi, which mostly is in .0011 LTC
• FreeBitco.in - Since joining this faucet site, the payout has gone form 5 Satoshi to 1 Satoshi per hour (at least in the US). They have a native coin (FUN) you can buy or trade on a couple of exchanges, and reward points you can trade for Satoshi (100,000 min!!!) and if you sign up for email you get one free Wheel of Fortune spin per day. The worst spin gets you useless lottery tickets where you can have a 1 in a Billion chance of winning who knows what. It is possible to get 30 or 40 Satoshi from the Wheel, and I got 450 Satoshi once, which is why I still use the site. I am going to recommend this site, but I want you to know why. I think you should treat this site like a home cosmetics business. The only way you will get anything out of it is if you sign up more referrals. So, you can use my referral to get started then you must get your own referrals as quickly as possible, otherwise it doesn't seem worth it to me.
• The Payoff - 1 week = 460 Satoshi, 2 weeks = 1900 Satoshi. Currently, I have 4,975 Satoshi, about 20% from referrals, and most of the rest from 1 lucky wheel spin and the good old days when they paid out a lot more on the faucet.
• Pipeflare - This was a tip from a reader. It is a faucet that pays out in ZEC and DOGE once every 24 hours, which ultimately means you'll go to sleep one night before it's ready and then your new 24 hours will start the next morning. I hate faucets like that. But, this pays immediately directly to your wallet in ZEC. Minimum withdrawal is 1 DOGE though. They also have a native coin that does...something. You can play games to earn more of the native coin, too. I'm guess I can recommend this site if you have very modest expectations. You can sign up here with my referral or just look up Pipeflare. The Payoff - 1 week = .0009 ZEC, .21 DOGE
• GlobalHive - Also a tip from a reader. This is a funded faucet site that will run until it doesn't have any more ZEC to give out. Like Pipeflare, payouts are directly to your wallet. Payout rate is low, but you know free. Also 24 hours so I don't like that. There is probably a referral link somewhere, but I don't know what it is. To my mind, the payout is very low and not very exciting. The Payoff - 1 week = .0000152 ZEC (that's invisible $) 
• Allcoins - This site was recommended by a reader who had good profits with it, but just never worked for me. It is a multifaucet but the earn rate, the number of ads, the payout method, and the payout minimums added up to more trouble than it was worth. At least based in the US. 
• ES Faucet - ES Faucet also was recommended by a reader, and is an appealing site. At least at first glance. It is not a multicoin faucet, but there are faucets for multiple coins. One neat feature is that faucet value keeps increasing even if you don't use it every 30 minutes. The downside is that the rate of increase decays quickly to essentially unnoticeable levels. You can level up with their ES coin, and they have a partner site where you can watch ads and cat videos (I am not making that up) for more ES coin. And then you can unleash the might power of the many faucets each with their own frigging CAPTCHA (I hate CAPTCHA so much!). For example, after leaving the BAT faucet going for 3 straight days, I was able to harvest a mighty .002 BAT, or 1/5th of what I get when I see an ad on Brave browser. I stopped using it because the pay outs are really low to my mind, I overdosed on CAPTCHA, and the minimum withdrawal level is too high. Maybe this one works well if you have an army of referrals, but I'll pass. The Payoff - 1 week = 140 Satoshi and a fistful of dust, like .017 BAT, even when I was doing literally everything I could on both sites. 2 weeks = I would be insane and drooling on my belly button
• FaucetCrypto - I wanted to like this site...A reader reported great earnings on it and there is lots to do, but ultimately didn't seem worth the hassle. You can withdraw in lots of currency and you can level up for bonuses (I got to level 33 in 1 week) but the minimum payout level is pretty dang high, so I gave up all hope. The Payoff - 1 week = 263 Satoshi
• Simulated Ape Miner - The worst name, but a cool concepts. Another recommendation from a reader, this is a time consuming site where you gather free water from a well every 6 minutes or something, then use the water to make pizza at a different faucet every half hour or so, then use pizza and water to make another thing ever hour or two, then make those things mine some BTC every 24 hours. There are faucets and other things going on and you can earn various resources and trade them on markets and all sorts of other things. I could see it paying off over the long run, but there were so many pop-ups, pop-unders, and even something I'd never seen before...pop-overs (?) where new sites would populate at the very edge of my visible screen so I couldn't really tell they were there and had to work really hard to close them. Unbearable. Can't recommend. The Payoff - I lasted 3-4 hours only, so 0.

Well, that's it! It is a monster post, but I hope that hearing about my experience and seeing the BTC I was able to gain from each of these sites can give you realistic expectations and choose which of these faucets is right for you. If you use my referral links, you are guaranteed my gratitude and eternally good karma (at least my gratitude). And, as always, these are just my experiences and YMMV (your mileage may vary). 

Let me know if you think I'm way off base or if you've had similar experiences, and I hope you start racking up bigtime free BTC and crypto numbers soon!

~~~~~

The Hot list of referral links I am most excited about: Cointiply, BetFury, and RollerCoin, and if NANO is your thing, then TipNano app, too.

The Maybe! list of referral links that you might enjoy even if the payout is not so great: FreeBitco.in (if you build your own referral base), DutchyCorp, and Pipeflare.