If you are dating a magician, you should not expect flowers, when he turns up at your doorstep. Or maybe you do, but then it would be the fake ones.

Loco didn’t come with flowers when I invited him to visit me. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss om my cheek and began to search his pockets.

“It’s not polite to come empty handed, when visiting a beautiful lady,” he said and out of his pocket he drew some long balloons. He started fiddling with them, creating some kind of balloon animal.

I was assuming he was about to make a pig, because the balloons were all pink, and was actually getting a bit offended and wondering if I should throw him out.

But then I realized what he was assembling and couldn’t help laughing.

Of course, it was a big pink penis with balls. I found this really amusing and it got even funnier.

Like I said, he was a fun man, really charming and it did eventually get me in bit of a trouble later, and I really enjoyed his company.

As we had a cup of coffee, we talked about the dating site where we found each other, and our respective marriages. Both of us had these long marriages behind us, and there was one sexual fantasy that he had always had, but never had the guts to explore.

I asked him what it was, and he got really shy.

“You know, I have never told anyone this before.”
I was beginning to become a bit nervous, how bad could it be? What was this fantasy?
“Okay, now you have to tell me, you are freaking me out.”
He still looked very shy and embarrassed. Then he took a big breath.
“Iwanttobewithaman,” he said in one breath.
“Okay? And why haven’t you?”
He looked at me. Utterly surprised.
“But … it is not normal.”

That really made me wonder about the prejudices we all live with, and the guilt we are supposed to feel about various sexual kinks. Why are seeking pleasure still a taboo? He wanted to be with a man, and so what? That didn’t make him any less of a man or a heterosexual if that was his sexual identification.

For me it is frightening that we still are so obtuse in this day and age that a relatively enlightened man in a liberal country as Denmark, could be so ashamed over a sexual fantasy, which wouldn’t harm anyone. I was beginning to fear that he was a pedophile or something. But he just wanted to try sex with a man.

We talked a lot about this, not only at this date, but in many of the coming dates and in our daily communication for the next several months.

When it was time to make some magic happen (again – pun intended), we headed to the bedroom.

“Is this awkward for you?” he asked, sending me a big smile, and I could sense that he had some mischievous plans.
“A bit,” I admitted. “Always awkward to get naked with a strange man.”
“I could imagine, so I thought I would make this easier for you.”
“Oh yeah, and how would you do that?”
He pulled a piece of yellow cloth out of his pocket.
“Watch this.”
He waved it around a bit, and suddenly it had disappeared.
He saw my confusion.
“Aaaah, that wasn’t fair. I could have hidden it in my clothes,” he said and with no further ado, pulled of his shirt.
Then he pulled the cloth out from nowhere.
“Did you see where it came from?” He asked and I shook my head. Laughing.
“Yeah, I see, it is still unfair,” he said and stepped out of his trousers. ”Where did I hide the cloth this time?”
And I had no freaking idea. The man stood in front of me, only wearing socks and briefs. Then all of a sudden, the cloth was there again.
“You don’t see it?” He asked with a grin. “Okay, I make it REALLY easy for you then,” he said, and stepped out of his underwear and socks. He stood there totally naked and waved the yellow cloth in front of me. And then it was gone again.
He then pulled out the cloth from behind his testicles and presented it very proudly.
“Tadaaaa …” he said and waved the stupid cloth around my face.
I was laughing really hard, but he WAS right. Now it was not awkward at all.

Of course, there was a fake thumb involved and afterwards I could easily see how it was done, but it was really fun and a brilliant way to overcome the awkwardness.

The sex … hmm … Loco was sweet, and he was fun, and it was nice sex. It was not fabulous like with Doom, but I really enjoyed his company, so we ended up having a sort of friendship with benefits almost for half a year, but we couldn’t see each other that often, because we both had a child in odd weeks and with his job as a locomotive driver, his work schedule was also a bit unpredictable.

But we did communicate a great deal and after a while he said that he was building up his courage to contact other men and to try out his sexuality. He said that the openness of our conversations gave him the confidence to finally go ahead with his fantasy.

And he did. And he found out that he loved it and had many great experiences following this. I found it really wonderful that he was becoming so openminded and not ashamed over his sexuality, but I also began to get feelings for him.

He was totally a man I could see myself be with, but I also knew that he was no where near to begin to have feelings for me. We talked openly about our other experiences and then he told me that he had been with a “serious” date. And that this woman was a completely different type than me. Also, the next female date was the same type, and that kind of hurt a bit, because I could see that I wasn’t even close.

We had been very clear from the beginning of this relationship. No strings attached, only good company and fun sex. And it was. He was really sweet and good company, and it wasn’t intentional, but something began to creep up on me. Feelings, that were not supposed to be there. Especially when he wasn’t in the same place as me.

I realized that maybe I was beginning to miss a person who wanted more than just sex, but was I on the right dating site for that? And did I really want to have a boyfriend? I was beginning not to be totally clarified with my needs and that can be emotionally dangerous.

So, I decided that I wanted to jump into the dating pool again. If not for anything else, then to protect my feelings from the growing fondness I had for Loco.

And … I don’t know if this is valid advice, but I do believe that it is not healthy NOT to see other people, when feeling this way. I believe that you should have input one way or another to get new perspectives and get new experiences, and with that distance yourself.

I decided also that I wanted to push to a boundary that I had from begin with, but was constantly challenged on this dating site, so I decided to have a go with it.

Curious to find out what this boundary was?

Thumbnail picture by me, creation by Loco.