As I suggested in my last post, I am pre-writing this one to keep my streak going as I am flying tomorrow and then - and it is only right and correct - my time will be with my family once I have arrived home. I am currently sitting on a train writing as I am staying one night in a hotel closer to the airport. I am hoping to post this before I fly at the airport tomorrow if I can get some kind of Wi-Fi - or at the very least if I can get it up and ready I can send it from my phone using the mobile data that I fought so hard to get (check my posts). I recently made sure I could do this when I was away on holiday - you might recall my six part Kosovo journeys.
So now that is clear let's get into my post properly.
Sometimes when you have done something a bit different, something out of routine and outside the regular humdrum of life, it is good to just pause and take a moment to reflect.
Before Covid I used to back to my place of origin a couple of times a year and often with Mama_Rah. Since then it has slowed down a lot and that is to do with changing circumstances and just really the way that post-Covid living has worked out. Of course now with the boys it is a major logisitical endeavour to do something like this. Older_Rah has been once, but he doesn't really remember it; just a few scattered images. He was only 18 months old at the time. Younger_Rah has never been.
This also raises the question of is it worth taking such little ones during a time that they won't remember. There are as many opinions as there are people on that one - so I will just leave it there.
Anyhow I am in danger of digressing and so as Older_Rah would say back to the story.
From time to time it is well worth stopping and taking stock and that is exactly what reflection is all about and if I were to take anything from this particular trip it is the seemingly eternal nature of good friendships and solid relationships.
Starting with the family I stay with. they treat me almost like one of their own and I certainly feel that way. There home is one of love and immeasurable kindness and these are the kind of qualities that material wealth just can't buy. I would add very quickly another married couple who are just so incredibly generous of heart in everything they do.
Then I get to my friends and first and foremost I have to start with the siblings, four out of the six of them. That might sound odd but due to the way things were way back when I really only had connection with four of them, as one of them arrived later and the other was on another branch of what could be called a patchwork family - or is it a blended one. I get all of this terminology mixed up tbh. So, and I can't remember the last time this happened, I actually managed to see all four of them and the young one came along for a ride too at one point, so that was an additional bonus, as I saw five of them.
Then there was my old school friends and I saw with each and everyone of them that the friendship is still live and vibrant - even the guy I hadn't seen since 1988, because we are all keen to do it again next time I am over. What is more is the fact that while inevitably there was an element of trawling through the past and remembering some of our escapades there was also a very present element to the way we were talking.
A friendship that is only reminiscing is a memorial, a ghost and a refection of a time long since passed.
Then finally, and actually most importantly, there was my actual family. My brother and his wife and my stepfather (my dad in everything but biology) and his second wife (having him been widowed when my mum died). I had last seen my brother 2 years ago (his wife just a bit longer when they visited me for the boys' christening), but I hadn't seen effectively my parents for 12 years and of course we picked up where we left off. Obviously we have continued to be in contact - such are the wonders of modern technology - but being in the same physical space takes things to another level. It was an incredible time together and we all readily agreed that we should try to figure out how to do it more often, but with us living in three different countries this is a challenge.
What it does go to show - and yes I know blood is thicker than water - is that relationships, good, dependent ones - are built on quality and not necessarily quantity. Some families are closer than others and each has their own dynamics. My brother and I may have a bit of a sibling thing going on, but we are still actually quite close, even if we don't live in each others pockets. There is no right or wrong way for a family to be bound together and at the end of the day the fact that relationships remain close, however they work, is all that really matters.
Sadly, this isn't always the case, we all know of fractured relationships. Just an hour ago I heard about a relationship breakdown where I lady hasn't talked to her mother since she when to university some 20 years ago. This is tragic, and I am saying this without judgement, we have one life and one family (that grows as we form new relationships) and we really should make the most of it. Disagreements happen, often they are massive and seemingly insurmountable, but in the end surely some things are more important than what in the end is mindless squabbling that might appear important at the time.
Probably to conclude I would like to share a bit of wisdom another friend, not from school and not mentioned above, shared with me when he was talking about the challenges of grandparenting. He simply said that everybody stumbles and makes mistakes on the way, but very rarely does the person intend to do that and with that in mind we should focus on what the other person was trying to achieve and not necessarily if they messed up.
He is an old mentor and somebody who I have known and had massive respect for over the last 35 years.
That is not insignificant.
As so with that final bit of insight and a final reflection I wish only that you stay safe and well as always my friends.
