This morning I had one of my regular scheduled meetings - although I missed last week - due to both the fact that I had been given a new schedule (which I thought superseded old one, but still had an outstanding session) and the ongoing issues with Younger_Rah's health.

Anyway - back to the story - as Older_Rah would say.

I am going to be straight up here. With everything going on - and I have more than hinted at it - I am under the care of a psychologist. There is nor should there be any stigma attached to this. If I have a broken bone, I go to an orthopedist, if I have a problem with my heart I go to a cardiologist, and so on, and if I have a broken mind I go to a psychologist / psychiatrist, depending on the specific need.

Anyone who has been following me for sometime knows that I am struggling. As I wrote yesterday, Younger_Rah's health issues have actually helped me to gain some perspective and that in itself has helped.

However, during this morning's session, rather than focusing on the present our focus moved to childhood trauma. I am obviously not going to go into it here, because this is not the appropriate platform - and especially for memories that I have far from dealt with. All I can say is that I was more open and detailed in my sharing than I have ever been in my life and there were moments when I had to stop, gather my emotions and go again. My mind fogged at one point and I did my best.

My psychologist listened and one of the things I said is that I would like to have a conversation with one of those who was present at the time and she asked me to think about what I would say. I was stunned. She said that's where she would like to go next week with me if I am able. I kind of want to have an open conversation with this person, but honestly I am clueless as to where to start.

I consider this to be homework, and because I am a writer I think I will do my best to write it down.

I feel that it was a tough but necessary session, evidenced by the fact that when I left the room at the end of the session I found myself shaking and almost broke down emotionally. I wanted to cry, but somehow got a hold of myself, but not before a few tears escaped.

So, all in all, and I am feeling a bit more together about it at the moment, I am ready to face up to the next step in what I must face and overcome, but before this I must delve once more into my past. 

Sometimes the dark must get darker for the light to shine through.

As always stay safe and well my friends.