I woke up today with a sense of urgency I've never experienced.  I've lived in fight or flight, hyper-vigilant panic/freeze mode for much of my life, and this wasn't that.  The sense that time is VERY SHORT pursued me like a rabid, friendly animal.  Like a dog with rabies you could play with.  Not a lot of time to fool around.

If you're on the fence about God, let me encourage you to take a chance on Him this very instant.  Matthew 7:7 says, "Seek and ye shall find," not "blindly believe and ye shall find."  Seek means ask questions.  "Is it true?"  "Does it matter what I believe; is the truth dependent on whether or not I believe it," etc.  That is seeking.  To believe in something blindly is to sit on a conveyor belt and take your fate as it comes.  Allow me to suggest that you won't make it to Heaven riding passively on a conveyor belt.  You don't have to have an old book in your hand to be a blind believer.

"It's Gone" is a song I wrote in 2011.  It appears on the Fabulous Dream album.  There is no chorus, but the refrain at the end of every verse is, "it's gonna get worse until it's gone."  Tell me again how burying your head in the sand while riding the conveyor belt of denial is "positive."  Tell me how denial of our sin nature absolves us from its consequences.  Tell me how it's going to change the trajectory of a sinful, self-righteous species for the better.  But do it quick.  We're running out of time.

If you decide to stay on the conveyor belt, let me take this opportunity to plant it in your mind that the people who didn't believe in the indefinite forward progress of a sinful species toward an ever-improving, joyous utopia weren't the cause of the collapse.  When it all comes crashing down, don't blame the people who knew it wasn't going to stand.  Instead, take the opportunity to seek the truth, so that you may find.  It's possible the truth doesn't just fall in your lap like a flock of birds, or a skyscraper, or a heavily-devalued fiat currency.  The only truth you will be absolutely certain to find that way is the truth that lies on the other side of your last involuntary heartbeat.

Too late, in other words.

We're running out of time.  There's no more time to harbor unforgiveness, wrath, anger, or any of the baser, worldly vices.  Get right with God, right now.  It only takes an instant, but you have to make a move.  Now is the time.

Thanks for listening.

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my
voice, and open the door, I will come in to him,
and will sup with him, and he with me.
To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my
throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down
with my Father in his throne.
He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit
saith unto the churches."
Revelation 3:20-22

It's Gone

Look up at the ceiling
tonight it's made of stars
last night it was concrete
tomorrow it will be made of cars
I've got the scars to prove it
I've had them all along
what happens to something
when you don't think you can lose it?
It's gonna get worse
until it's gone

What I want more than anything
is to sleep inside a bed
a pillow in my pocket
and a clean pair of socks
for the hobo in my head
We've been marching so long
it's like I'm going crazy
is that Las Vegas up ahead,
sinking in the sand?
Or is my heart just getting lazy?
Has reality become
just slightly more than I can stand?
Am I inventing all those soldiers
marching toward us,
an army of energy-drunk thugs
with their rotten teeth bared?
I guess we knew those cameras
would record us,
the big question now is,
why am I not running scared?
It's too late for all that,
it's time for action
time to unsling my rifle
& gather up my wits
& when all of this
is over, my wife'll
make us all a home-cooked
dinner you will not soon forget
The drones are full of bones,
I hear 'em comin',
up over that hill
like a swarm of angry bees
I need two volunteers
to neutralize 'em
here's an extra can of Raid
and a couple RPGs
& then the bullets whizzing by me
hit the ground
& open fire,
smoke 'em out like Cheech & Chong
you think it will get better
but I tellya man, you're wrong
it's gonna get worse
until it's gone

This gun is my salvation,
my protector & my guide
don't tell me peace is the solution
cuz man we thought of everything
I'm telling you,
we tried
Is this a protest
or a contest?
Maybe it's a blood test
that everybody fails,
but if you want me to be honest,
I think that "re-education camp"
is another word for jail
Who will pin the bullets or prize
on the leader?
That little punk-ass Caesar
who acts like he is God
It's time to take your brain out of the freezer
& realize that Ron Paul
is the only candidate who is not a total fraud
We don't want an asinine assassination
"Vengeance is Mine,
says the Lord, I will repay,"
but if you don't defend yourself,
the entire congregation
will spend the rest of their lives in prison
until that very day
You can say that humanity will triumph,
you can say that the cowards
had it comin'
all along,
it doesn't really matter
which side that you're on
it's gonna get worse
until it's gone

The atoms in my coffee
are dancing to & fro
the microscopic organisms in my cigarette
are petitioning me to let them go
but I was born without mercy
and without mercy I will die
so I pull on my smoke
and watch the little people choke
and laugh
while they glare at me with fury
as they fry
Try me if you want to,
I'm not crazy
I would never suggest
you drop your weapon,
or say FREEZE!
I would simply say,
get out my way
this here is me & my AK,
and the flashbulb's goin' crazy
so everybody best
say CHEEEESE!
As I squeeze the trigger
gracefully
like a percussionist syncopates
the beat in perfect time
I execute my accents rather
tastefully
and as my targets go down
all their screams begin to rhyme
It's a poem of the most exquisite beauty
performed by the world's most exquisite corpse,
if you'll excuse the pun,
I am only doing my quasi-Christian duty
might as well
have a little fun,
Jesus would be proud,
or is it Allah?
Maybe I did it for myself
would that be so different
or so wrong?
Whether I did it for the party
or I did it for King Kong,
it's gonna get worse
until it's gone

Life, I have decided,
is a mission,
a stoned adventure mission
to the cemetery stars
I have regarded all my motives
with suspicion,
my lips are sitting on a shelf
sealed in a jar,
but if you wanna
know what I think of your suggestion
that Christianity
is a fancy word for "cancer,"
I say,
presumptions that have never been questioned
should not be presumed upon
to provide any answers
In an age that claims to be scientific
I see a lot of irrational rage
& insistence that I leave
personally, I find it rather soporific
after all,
Christ said, "seek & ye shall find,"
not blind-ully believe!
So hush, little baby
don't say a word,
& don't listen to the birds,
their information sucks
Has not death been
flavored for the ravens?
Is not that which is obsolete
thrown like stale bread
to the ducks?
Juxta-po-pose your opinions
for a minute,
if you will,
on a plate of hardened,
mashed-potato facts
Do they stand up to an honest interrogation?
Can you crack 'em with a kiss?
Can you fix 'em with an ax?
Relax, little maybes,
I'll showya how it's done
Is it prophecy or opinion?
Can you put it in your gun?
Can you put it in yr needle?
Can you put it in yr bong?
Is it really gonna
get worse
until it's gone?

I am a mad, sparkling thing
my tongue is made of fireworks,
my heart is like a knife
and if there's one thing I am
perfectly aware of,
it's that the world is made of liars, jerks,
and people who have screwed
my ex-wife
If life is such a fabulous dream,
who are all these people
sleeping in the
slush?
It used to make me want to scream,
now I just roll my eyes & think,
baby, what's the rush?
Though I admit,
it can be trying on my patience,
these environmental
patients
whose religion, man,
is moot
Let's send
another sovereign nation
on a permanent
vacation,
pay tribute to the people
we killed
with another 21,
agenda-gun salute
Whatever happens,
I think all y'all
really are green,
with naivete or envy,
well baby that's upto you
It's not important if you think
it's "negative,"
or "heavy,"
the only thing that matters
is whether or not it's actually true
I believed in Santa Claus
until I was almost 30,
an' I'll tellya,
my belief had no effect
whatsoever on the truth
If the restaurant is on fire,
does it really matter
if you're sitting at a table
or in a booth?
So please,
no more childish,
self-righteous questions,
"Have you ever smoked a joint?"
or,
"Can't we all just get along?"
Cuz whether you quote the Bible
or some half-baked lyrics
from the world's worst song,
it's gonna get worse
until it's gone

©2011 Nathan Payne