If you're like me, and have spent decades "doing time" in the wilderness as opposed to waiting on God, this video is for you:
The church in this town in the Baja is clearly not interested in my offer of free English lessons in exchange for nothing. A referral for a place to rent is all I asked. That's it. Nothing free, except from my end. But they're not interested. It's not a bad thing; it isn't meaningful in a negative way. It's just God's way of preventing me and Louie from wasting our time.
Our stay in this town has been good. Necessary, even. But it feels over. It's pointless. People are friendly (for the most part), but it's pointless. And I don't really want to stay here anyway. The main reason we've been here so long (2 weeks) is that we couldn't afford to leave. Now, we can't afford to stay.
Time to head on down the line?
It bears repeating that I knew this was coming. I haven't been taken off guard. I'm not surprised, and there is no sense that any of the potential outcomes resulting from throwing my life at God are going to be tragic. I had to come to a place where I was able to learn to wait on God, instead of just passing time in the wilderness. It wasn't going to happen in Colorado. The current uncertainty isn't a question of having made a mistake, or turning back. It's a question of, how much farther do you want us to go, God? 20 feet? 10,000 miles? We crossed the Rubicon at the border. Nearly a year and a half back in the States made it clear that there is nothing for me there. Which is to say, no purpose. I got to see some people, people I haven't seen in years, but nothing beyond that. And God pried us off the mountain in Colorado earlier than expected. I knew I wasn't going to spend another winter living in the same, tired locations in a van in Arizona. I'm never doing that again. It wasn't an option. And so we are beyond the Rubicon. A place where faith is not an accessory. Faith is not an accoutrement to a lukewarm lifestyle. It's not something you clip onto your spirit when you have to look strong, or wise, or happy. Faith is the path. It's all or nothing.
You're either all in, or you're not in at all.
There is no in-between.
Is God going to let us down? No. Are we leaving this dusty little town tomorrow? Probably. On foot? I'm inclined to doubt it. Even though the reasons to feel this way aren't visible in the material world at the moment, I've come to the point in the last couple days that I kinda regret leaving a couple boxes of irreplaceable items with my friends in L.A. Stuff I really don't want to lose, and which I was able to put in storage at a friend's house in the event we have to walk away from the van. Those items are safe now, on the dangerous side of the Rubicon (haha). But 2 weeks ago, I couldn't risk it. Now, I could. We're going to be alright. God isn't going to let us down.
We walk by faith and not by sight. It's not a joke, and it isn't an option. The degree to which it is an option is the degree to which one may have to lose some of the actual accoutrements and be stripped of the unnecessary luxuries that prevent one from coming to the knowledge of the need for God. In the US, faith is still optional. Less and less by the hour, for more and more people, to be sure. But still an option. I don't think that luxurious delusion will last much longer. God have mercy on everyone.
Thanks for listening. As they say in Spanish,
"To God,"
