If you're anything like me, Top 5 lists grab your attention like a piece of seaweed brushing your leg in a lake. Albeit, hopefully minus the high pitched screaming and thrashing.

I thought it would be fun to assign each of the top 5 cryptocurrencies (by market cap) a celebrity figure they most relate to. Enjoy!

1. Bitcoin (Tom Brady)

Market cap: $830,973,872,088

As a Buffalo Bills fan (shoutout Bills Mafia!) this man has personally brought me more pain than gain. However, he is undeniably the GOAT (greatest of all time) of the NFL and no one is even close. Much like Brady, Bitcoin largely remains in a league of their own. With over double the market cap than their nearest competitor (Ethereum), Bitcoin is indeed the GOAT of the crypto space.

Fun fact: 198 players were selected ahead of Tom Brady in the 2000 NFL Draft. In 2010, you could have bought 1 Bitcoin for $0.0025 USD.

Moral: Never underestimate an underdog.

2. Ethereum (Jake 'The Snake' Roberts)

Market cap: $401,399,139,411

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Jake 'The Snake' Roberts is arguably the greatest wrestler to have never won the WWE Championship. He had everything a championship wrestler needed - charisma, psychology, a great gimmick. However, much like Ethereum, he was stuck in the shadow of bigger names throughout his career. While guys like Hulk Hogan, 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, and Ric Flair enjoyed all the spoils of being champion, poor Jake was left in the corner with his Intercontinental belt and his pet snake, Damien.

Fun Fact: Jake had a well known substance abuse issue, which may have played a role in WWE not pushing him as champion. One of Ethereum's greatest criticism is their high gas fees.

Moral: If you don't fix what's wrong with you, you'll never make it to the top.

3. BNB (The Wizard of Oz)

Market cap: $81,003,679,755

Some people love BNB for its staking and its use on the Binance exchange network. Others despise it, viewing it as a centralized token run by questionable (and potentially shady) leaders. What's crystal clear is that we don't know exactly what is happening with BNB, nor what will continue to happen. In the same way Toto thought something shady was behind the green curtain, governments around the world have also started poking their nose into BNB's business as well.

Fun Fact: The 'wizard' in The Wizard of Oz gets exposed as nothing more than an old fraud. BNB is currently under investigation by the United States Department of Justice.

Moral: When you do shady shit, people notice.

4. Tether (Gloria Cleary)

Market cap: $78,434,744,776

For those who have seen Wedding Crashers, you'll remember Gloria Cleary (played by the stunning Isla Fisher). Clingy, overly-attached, slightly psychotic(?) - you know the type. Much like her character, Tether is attached at the hip to the US dollar. However, unlike Isla Fisher, I am not attracted to the Tether cryptocurrency. Intended to always maintain a value of $1.00 US and hold an equal amount in reserves, Tether is one of a number of controversial 'stable coins' found in the cryptosphere. Love them or hate them, there's no question they are here to stay - much like your overly clingy partner.

Fun Fact: Isla Fisher is married to Sacha Baron Cohen - best known as the actor who plays Borat. Tether is becoming increasingly popular to investors in countries where inflation is a major issue, such as Brazil and Turkey.

Moral: No moral, just two interesting facts.

5. Solana (Jeremy Lin)

Market cap: $48,776,781,535

First thing's first - I am a fan of Solana, as well as Jeremy Lin. However, I can't help but imagine if Solana's recent rise up the market cap charts is a little bit like the 'Linsanity' spectacle that gripped the NBA a few years ago. For those who don't know him, Lin is an absolute trailblazer in the NBA. He is the first American of Chinese or Taiwanese descent to play in the NBA, as well as the NBA's first Asian American to win a championship (shoutout Raptors!). He is famous for rising from being a bench player to an effective starter with the New York Knicks (an event known as Linsanity) back in 2011-12. Likewise, Solana has recently seemingly come out of nowhere to launch up the charts and now stands as the 5th biggest cryptocurrency by market cap.

Fun Fact: Despite outscoring Kobe Bryant in a game against the Lakers, and hitting a buzzer beating 3 to propel the Knicks to victory over the Raptors, Lin never quite reached the heights of Linsanity again in his later years. After rising to a high of $260 USD, Solana is currently back down to $153.

Moral: What starts out great, doesn't always end great.

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