I have no faith in psychiatry as a profession. In my opinion, it's for people who really want to be doctors, but don't have what it takes to make it in medicine. I have as much faith in the pills psychiatrists prescribe. That's because every time a coconut (or, more accurately, a placebo sugar pill). At some point or other in the course of therapy, I'll get put on SSRIs. No matter whom I see, or where, it's the same result: I get prescriptions for pills that do sweet fuck all whatsoever, as far as actual doctors and science-backed medicine is concerned. (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Sertraline, you name it; if it's an SSRI, I've probably been on it and noticed no long-term change.) Then they wonder why I stop taking the pills.

If insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result, then I wonder which one of us is (more) insane, me or the head-shrinkers.

I might as well take little candy-coated chocolate (like M&Ms) for medical reasons and expect the same result (except that chocolate actually makes me feel better, even if briefly, by releasing endorphins, whereas SSRIs do nothing for me). Maybe add some Berroca or BioPlus to the mix for good measure. I'd say it would be cheaper in the long term, except for the fact that I'm currently not paying for the Prozac I've been prescribed; the government is.

Normally, I'd be pissed off, but I'm just amused, currently, since it's not my money that's being wasted. However, I am concerned about my mental health in the long term. I don't know if I'll be able to handle well my next low, the next time I feel depressed. My current lack of motivation to get done even the things that I want to (never mind have to) is frustrating me as well. I'm not sure what to do about that, either.

White-knuckling my way through by sheer determination certainly isn't working for me, but I don't know what else to do. That's the very reason I sought psychiatric help in the first place. So much for working the system in my favour when it turns out it's failed me in the same way as private counseling has before ...

I'd rather see a psychologist, because maybe then I might have a chance of dealing with someone professional, whom actually takes mental health issues seriously. Maybe then, I'll be able to get some actual help with mine, instead of just taking pills and focusing on the effects they do/don't have on me.

Thumbnail image: Fluoxetine (Prozac) capsules, Copyright New York Times