Bienvenidos mis ositos, tu siempre eres mis queridos! (Welcome back little bears you are always my dears!)
WARNING: Today’s post contains unusually graphic descriptions!
Publish0x reader: Hey Panda! How’s it goi…GOOD GRIEF! Why are you on all fours and why is your behind all red!
Panda: Don’t people bother to knock anymore? You caught me at a bad time…
Mistress Helga: SILENCE!
Publish0x reader: AAAH! Who is that scary lady!
Mistress Helga: I am Mistress Helga, punisher of $#!+coin traders!
Publish0x reader: So, uh I take it she doesn’t take doggy tokens or animal NFTs…
Mistress Helga: MISTRESS HELGA ONLY ACCEPTS BITCOIN!
Mistress Helga: I have been very patient with you all these past few years but now it is time for Bitcoin dominance!
Publish0x reader: BUUUT HELGA that chart doesn’t look too impressive!
Mistress Helga: YOU DARE QUESTION MISTRESS HELGA!?!
Publish0x reader: Ok, ok, you don’t have to be so mean…
Panda: She’s just getting started, be quiet before she takes out… her harness
Publish0x reader: <Gulps nervously> How did you get us into this mess???
Panda: I blame myself for dabbling in CeFi, DeFi, GameFi, and NFTs. As I review my records, I regret not sticking to Bitcoin. My crypto accounts would only be down 75% instead of 95%!
Publish0x reader: That… doesn’t make me feel better.
Panda: As you know the crypto winter has been quite harsh! If any of my faithful readers could find it in their hearts to contribute a tip at the end of this post that would be greatly appreciated.
Publish0x reader: Do you honestly expect us to pay for your filthy habits!?!
Panda: Mistress Helga’s services are not cheap BUT as you can tell she is very good at what she does. Any and all tips will help to offset next week’s and future domination sessions.
Publish0x reader: BUUUT Panda why does she have a riding crop?
Mistress Helga: Panda has been VERY naughty and must be punished!
Panda: Yes, Mistress Helga I should have stuck with Bitcoin and I deserve to be punished!
Mistress Helga: ON YOUR KNEES SLAVE!
Panda: Yes, Mistress Helga I should have taken profits earlier!
Mistress Helga: MISTRESS HELGA DEMANDS ATTENTION!
Panda: Yes, Mistress Helga you have my full attention I won’t get distracted by $#!+coins anymore
Mistress Helga: MY BITCOIN BOOTS ARE DIRTY LICK THEM CLEAN!
Panda: Yes, Mistress Helga!
Mistress Helga: Does Panda want to be…punished?
Panda: Yes Mistress, I’ve been bad at crypto I deserve to be punished!
Mistress Helga: <flogs Panda> HOW DOES PANDA FEEL!
Panda: It hurts so good!
Publish0x reader: <cowers in corner> What the hell am I watching!?!
Panda: She’s just getting started!
Publish0x reader: There’s more?!?
Mistress Helga: <takes out restraints and cracks whip>
Publish0x reader: I can’t bear to watch anymore! What is the safety word!
Panda: NOT YOUR KEYS, NOT YOUR CRYPTO!
Traumatized readers, I have sacrificed myself so that you don’t have to. Please take care of your portfolios and more importantly yourselves and your loved ones!
Obviously none of this is formal financial or tax advice. You need to find qualified professionals in your jurisdiction.
Be sharp, stay hungry let’s get that money!
