Two weeks ago I lost 1,4kg. Last week I lost 0,3kg. Both times it came as a surprise to me.

The first one of these two weeks my partner was staying here. He's not dieting or anything but he's still the one who cooks while visiting. He made a genuine effort to comply with my diet but still I knew some meals were a little bit off, for example, because proportions were not right. I'd also promised him we could have an outing of his choosing so that was a meal out of mi diet plan. On the other hand I really like going for walks with him, which is way better than going alone. It still surprised me when I saw that I'd lost almost as much weight as when I strictly followed the diet.

The second one of these weeks – last week, that is – I expected to see I'd gained some weight. Instead I lost 300 grams which may not seem like a lot if we take into account how I've been doing so far but it is something I'd have celebrated in some other stages of my life. It also came as a surprise because I didn't respect the diet at all. I ate mostly chocolate – chocolate cereals for breakfast, chocolate candy for dinner, you get it – and even though I tried at least respecting lunches I couldn't make myself feel like eating healthier foods. It's funny to me because even though I couldn't almost stomach fruit and vegetables, snacks didn't really do it for me either. Because I've gotten used to eating healthier most sugary snacks just tasted like sand. I'd very much like to give a more detailed version of my meals but I'm finding I don't recall most of last week. 

Two things happened last week: it was exam week and I received some news that haven't made me so happy. 

About exam week I can tell it's been the hardest of my student life. I expected worse but I still think I did better than I expected. I haven't received any results yet so my opinion on this might change. The shortest exam was a little over 5 hours long. The ones that lasted more than 7 hours we could do from home as this is not one of those exams where you can just copy from a book or whatever.

About the news: I learnt that my dog has bronchitis. It may not seem as much but I'll try to explain it from the beginning in the shortest way posible. 

A year and a half ago a chance arose for my partner to enter his dream job. He got in and spent a whole year studying half way through the country. I may bring to your attention that we did not live in a place that was accesible by car so visits were scarce and far between. He then got hired and assigned position all the way through the country. At the same time I was back to college to finally study what I wasn't allowed when I was younger. Because he has to stay in his new place for at least 4 years before being able to apply to be transferred and still then it's not guaranteed because of seniority and many other reasons. So we made a plan to be able to be closer, at least close enough to be able to move by car on our days off. I took a couple of admission exams to different universities that would allow us to do this and whatnot. Long story short, he now lives as far as possible from our hometown and I live half way through. It's been working for us and I'm studying in a place that is far better in quality than the one where I was before. 

My dog, of whom I've talked before here, came with me. There never was any sort of discussion about this because it's an absolute non negotiable for me. Not only is she my responsibility but I'm in great debt towards her. In the years that have passed since I got her, I've parted with her three times: two separate week long work related trips and last October when I had to attend my sister's wedding. In the first two occasions I left her either with my family or my partner. On the other one because we'd just moved to our new city I had no choice but to leave her at daycare which you can believe I researched extensively. Anyways, three weeks after we got to this new city she got a respiratory infection. That was the first week of October. She got dismissed less than a month ago. We got through two different vets and I think about 5 antibiotics. She was very close to needing a pulmonary surgery to investigate the root of it all but I finally never happened. Last week she got gastroenteritis. When they x-rayed her torso to see her stomach they also saw her lungs and she has bronchitis. The vet said it's most likely a reaction to the cold weather here and that she'd be ill as long as the weather was like this. Also, allergies season is upon us and we'd have to see what happens. She also said that it'd quite probably improve with a more stable, warmer weather and with a higher humidity. That's an exact description of where we used to live. I've talked to anyone I could think of and so far I'm going to get her back home during Easter vacation and she'll be staying with my sister.

I can't study here for three more years and leave here there. I could go back home and try to finish my degree in a university that I hated and were I was taught nothing but could easily get my diploma and be separated for we don't know how long from my partner. I could stay here with my dog and see what happens once again, which we've been doing for the last four months and has led to a bronchitis. I could finish the year here and transfer my credits or I could just leave with my dog as soon as possible with no regards for my studies. 

I'm at a freaking loss. It's been a week crying, only stopping to go and take my exams except the last one which I took from home and finally rendered almost blank after a two hours tantrum that didn't seem to go away. I've been eating junk just so I could eat something because I've also been skipping meals which I've never done before in my life. I have util this Friday to make a decision if I want to do things right. I could also miss that deadline and do things in a whatever kind of way and accept the consequences. When I was younger I was told I could study what I wanted after high school. Then after I'd gotten a real degree. Then when I had my own job. Then... 

Just as we were exactly where we wanted to be: partner with his dream job and I with my dream degree. The three things I value most in this life are my partner, my dog and my studies. I've been shown now that I can choose, at most, two of them. I can't win no matter what I choose. 

As always, thanks for reading.