Cryptofans, we love ya !! What a whackamungo week we all had banded together here on that great speckled bird of freedom, the Publish0x!!
A LOT of FT crypto coverage to watch for BS this week!! Thanks for your help!
The Watch was correct, BTC topped 18K last night after we published!!! Shoulda killed us LAST year!!! That said, man the real news is hallucinogenic lately. WTH. Justin Sun re opened FTX for 90% discounted withdrawals of TRON!?! Better than LAWYERS LOL!!! Sammy arrested on the tarmac for stealing client funds to gamble with, just like Jon Corzine!?? Rumours about Kucoin!?!? NO NOT KUCOIN!!! Oh false rumors, they just switched chains for stablecoins, its ok be still our heart!! But let's stay with the sudden onslaught of highbrow crypto news in the FT!! The pretty in pink lady has shaken her arse and risen to the (easily anti crypto narrative exploitable) occasion!!
We join the few remaining Joe Bloggs commuters into the fading City, reading the salmon print first, watching the crypto whoopsie in slow motion. Uh oh, ruh roh, Sammys on the front page THAT'S bad...
With an all time greasy hair and wrinkled free t-shirt pic!! Sammy, pro tip, if ya HAVE to wear a gimme tshirt, find one with a collar (MAKE one if ya hafta) like CZ does ya slob!!! And in either case, wear a clean white undershirt! With the cheap tee, it will give ya a good looking flash of white like a fakie clerical collar!! Ar ar ar. Seriously, when ya made VP at old Salomon Brothers, someone would come around (if they still had to) and tell you to wear an undershirt, even under your dress shirt, ya ape!!!! There was a game there few played - if ya made VP despite dressing like a total bum, you would get bonus that had to be spent on clothes!!! But it was HARD to make VP if you needed someone to force you to dress better, lol!!! Sammy, Sammy...
TLDR: When Sequoia Cap writes you off to zero, yer at zero. Sammy is sorry, he F-bombed up!! He has 400mm to cover 5 billion in redemption requests. He will lose his 24bn personal fortune. Let's hope, he should.
WAIT WAIT NEWS FLASH!! THE FT JUST PRINTED A CORRECTION !!!!! Sammy had 4 billion liquid to cover 5 billion in calls, ooohhh, that was a NASTY one FT!!! That inner crypto hate just SHINING through!! About par for the course, ah hah ha ha ha ha!!! How many retractions is that now?? Only ever accidentally like printed on the DOWNSIDE for crypto.. All the mistakes go one way, ar ar ar !!!!
The REAL story: Sorry / not sorry to say it, we don't CARE if yer sorry, Sammy. If you are a pyscho that enjoys our pain, or if you think yer a good dude who was trying hard, it DOES NOT MATTER. STFU with the sorry. Sorry schmorry!! If you gambled with client funds (like Jon Corzine, lol) you are an immoral unethical being whose apology value is subzero as well!!! All of these crazy #($&$@*(&!!! scr-w around like it's all play money, but lots of it is real money from real people!!
It's funny, most people (like the Mt Gox "hacker") ya would expect to have some STASHES if they are worth 24 billion. Sammy? Dunno!!! Not in his car, lol!!! Maybe some politicians will give back some of the 40 million from this year?? Ah hah ha ha ha ha !! Nah.
Again on page 10!! 
TLDR: mostly peaceful actual reporting. Sammy had 24x REGULAR daily withdrawals. Now THAT's a laughably meaningless stat, ar ar ar !! Thank you, this story quotes Sammy vowing to spend every penny of his personal eleven figure money on doing right by the users!!! CoinDesk was the one what did Sammy in with the leaked balance sheet!!
CZ kicked off the run on SBF via his liquidation tweet. The SEC had been investigating Sammy for customer fund safeguards since June, they just (also) freaked when hearing all this. Sammy insists FTX US is fine.
The REAL story: In the evil anti-crypto heart of the FT, CZ is SBF's arch-rival. WTF? CZ FUNDED FTX. Here we will draw y'all a picture: Here on the left is a VC/angel cap/still a big stockholder if ya want to think in old world retard. Here on the right is an arch-rival, say Putin of the Ukraine, shooting missiles.
CZ at the very worst is a frenemy of SBF. One who gave him his start. But after Binance laughably under risk managed their Luna bags, CZ got a lotta pressure about holding a billion of FTT. We believe CZ thought if Sammy just needs a billion cash to chill out, CZ could help. Then CZ heard it was TEN billion! Plus SEC investigations, honestly Binance had to bail.
It was NEVER a planned hit job from an arch rival!! Like the Revlon games, lol!! Sammy coulda just pulled a whale trick and crashed FTT without a tweet, without a Coindesk story, any day of the week if he felt like it. CZ had like a billion in FTT liquid!!! The whole market CAP of FTT was d-cking around about three billion !!
On the upside, this is the best description of the SEC situation we have heard. If the SEC has been asking for months, that doesn't sound like arrest ya on the tarmac Jon Corzine level theft of client funds to double down to hellish stupidity!! More like one more subpoena for better risk management, which, lol, ok!!!! Thanks for that, FT!!
PG 15 - the FTT ETF fiasco story makes print, with no picture this time!! 
TLDR: this time thru, we REALLY don't like Kenneth at Morningstar. He has always warned against ETPs, just wrapperware to legitimize crypto!!
Well ya know what, Kenneth, senior passive whatever, THAT just makes you, technically, by the law of the markets n all, a really, deeply crappy wealth adviser!!! If your investment restrictions force you into ETPs for whatever reason, lookee here you shmuck. Here's 21Shares BNB ETP since conception. We know you are not smart, so we will go slowly. With Bollinger bands, wahoo!! NOT in the FT, it will NEVER be in the FT,
Investors got into the BNB ETP from Dec 2019 to 2021 around 1.14, looks like. At the beginning of 2021, maybe 2 bucks?? NOW, two years later 10X!!???!! Whatdaya want from life, mr. supposed research analyst??
BAD investment analyst, Bad morningstar. Nae biscuit!!!
OK moving along 
TLDR: A litany of everything wrong with crypto and why crypto must be reghammered flat!!!
The REAL story: OK< our spidey sense is tingling now. PREDICTION: Sammy did NOT plunder client's accounts in some crazy ponzi!!! He WILL succeed in paying back clients!! Well, we are already wrong, cuz lawyers are now involved, lol!! Update CORRECTION: he did trade funds for chitcoin, ooooh dang.
Here we see the FT saying that a tweet from CZ should not be allowed to crash FTX!!! It didn't, the story from Coindesk did, lol!! Nah, FTX crashed FTX!!
The FT hacks exchanges for being to interconnected, Binance holding FTT. Thats because this was an investor / spin-off venture cap relationship AND Y'ALL FREAKING KNOW IT!!! This wasn't a rivalry thing either, this was Sammy being an idiot. Don't blame CZ.
The cry against opacity is a fair one. SO SAY SOMETHING about CZ showing his bags!! Say something about companies that ARE running real time, verifiable audits like Nexo and soon Binance!!!
Finally in print - uh oh, the FT is rolling out the big guns, it's Gil!!!
TLDR; this is crypto Lehman Brothers shock, because contagion. It's ironic, crypto has been hurt by central bank tightening, while once billed as a hedge against central bank foolishness. After Lehman, subprime got rethought. Crypto will now be re-evaluated.
Opacity bad (true), custody is a dangerous mess, a mockery of decentralization. With no safety net, panic in crypto land!! This could ALL be fixed by total regulation!!!
Binance did do some transparency initiatives!! But Binance is mostly offshore!! and dissed SBF for presumably working with regulators!
Yet we cannot assume crypto is dead, as a large pool of players use crypto to avoid government controls. Plus, CBDCs are coming! So, crypto will split into shady, offshore activity, and sober, tightly controlled central bank experiments!
The REAL story: Does this mean crypto will now die?? Not necessarily. OK, it AIN'T going to zero!! Crypto will NEVER die & Y'ALL KNOW IT!! the harshest blasts from Gil to date. Crypto is still here, as is central bank foolishness, this is just a skirmish, give it time. Reghammering ain't the solution. Gil we thought y'all were above caring so much about the FT anti-crypto narrative flat roof pub meat prize, baby!!!
This was NOT contagion, this was the bumblefall of the house of SBF, too much centralized power & decision making. It was a VC / spinoff conflict, happens all the time. We bet CZ couldn't be that stupid if he tried, he has people to watch things like that!!!! ar ar ar !! no, really.
Provably clear asset verification is a progressing science, again, if yer so concerned, say something about places where it works, like NEXO! Soon binance.
Dear readers know it's not a Lehman moment until the gummint, the rating agencies, all the banks, congressmen, they are ALLL lying at ONCE and KNOW IT!! This hiccup is nothing. Crypto ain't gonna be re-evaluated. Did the FCA's refusal to accept Binance commish taxes change ANYTHING??
Would Mica making stablecoins locals only change ANYTHING??? it would NOT!!! Well, it would make things less efficient as protected areas bumble out their own inefficient imitation stablecoins to be quasi legal.
The FT says 'avoiding gummint controls" like the people of Brazil getting their money out of an 80% inflating fiat is a BAD thing!!! ROFL!!!! Think of what yer saying, it's just mean, Gil.
Binance did not just do some transparency!! Say MERKEL TREE POF, $#@$(#*& it, SAY IT!!!! Binance just showed 40 billion in stablecoins, and another forty billion in blue chip cryptos!! Oh, people are whining - 20 billion in BUSD!! 20 billion in BNB! Yeah, that's right, crybabies. When ya got it, flaunt it. Binance don't NEED to give 20 bill in stablecoin market cap to Circle just to make y'all happy - you'lll NEVER be happy like that ANYWAY!!! Plus they are taking it all away from USD day by day anyway!!!
It IS true the horror of CBDCs are coming, but yer rooting for the wrong side here, FT. We feel bad for your attitude this time around. We can agree with what y'all did not say - it IS very funny, the industry looked for Sammy to be the safety net!!
The FT closes, only reghammering can save crypto. We say, conflating some areas of reghammering with general reghammering is a sad, sad thing.
Wall street chestnut time: if ya meet the buddha on the road, kill him!! Everyone is a lesser person to the extent they hero worship ANYONE else!!
That's it for print. Online!!
The mighty Lex piles on from a great height!! 
TLDR: we agree with Lex, it's a VERY bad look for SBF to say he thought he had more money in his wallet. Did not KNOW he was levered almost 2x. THAT's the kind of stupid chit ya expect from regular fools like us!! Nah, we'd be lying, we'd know.
Sammy still says he is illiquid, but not insolvent. He's trying to raise cash (won't work.) It might!! Coinbase stock is down 80% but they have a real balance sheet! It's funny, a private equity firm TPG put a BILLION into the Wash Mutual thrift RIGHT before it died!!
In the 2008 crash, a legal reghammer regime oversaw the process. Here, the real question is how much did FTX lend out of client reserves to Almeda! Sammy better be able to see records, lol!!
The REAL story: well, it's all in the hands of the lawyers and the courts now, baby!! So Lex should be happy, no need for further regs ah hah hah hah hah !!!
Moving: this one is funny: 
TLDR: Sequoia gave 200 million to Sammy, Sammy gave 200 million to Sequoia!!! Except now Sequoia wrote off the 200mm they put in FTX. But we bet they try to hold onto the 200 mm Sammy gave them!!
Woah, real details - Almeda owes FTX ten billion, WTF?? Ohh THATs looking BAD!! Sammy invested 30mm in Paradigm, Paradigm just wrote off 271 MILLION they invested in Sammy, oh that's a permanent limp. OK, there WAS screwed up interconnectivity. JUST LIKE THE PRIVATE EQUITY WORLD STFU YOU #$(#$&@#@(&$#@(*&!!!!! Nevermind.
Next, let's laugh at Sammy on Capitol Hill!!! Okay!! 
TLDR: Same old rehash - CZ was Sammy's ARCH RIVAL no he #(#@&$!!! wasn't.
All of washington did love Sammy, he fed them money and sicced em on DeFI, lol!! The $#($&#$@(&!!!! unnamed sources said Sammy will be missed - but WILL HE??? By US??? Rofl.
It's funny, Sammy got AROUND. He was RIGHT about the bull #($*& at the LME, auto margin calls only make sense!
Of course, ya can't call for reghammering and smear crypto in the FT without a quote from irrelevant Chas at failed Wall Street consortium R3. No matter HOW many times you tell the lie, FT, R3 still ain't BLOCKCHAIN!!!
This time Chas is at least funny, though as always wrong. "If yer not at the table, yer on the menu!!" he tries to thunder. Oh yeah? Are the big boys, tether USDT and Binance, "on the menu??"" Ah ha hah hah !! in fact, Sammy went to the table, now he TOTALLY IS on the menu!!! Wrong, wrong wrong!!! D'Oh Kwon, having thus far stayed away from the table, is laughing at you Chas!! Sammy was the MOST at the reg table crypto dude EVAH!!!! Ar ar ar. Please, spare us. It only hurts when we laugh ha ha ha harrr...
at least Sammy washed his greasy hair for THIS pic ar ar ar ouch.
Moving on! The coup de grace!! 
TLDR: Tokyo, Oz, and Bahama's cops step in!!! Softbank wrote their 100mm down to zero TOO!! Accounts frozen, ops suspended, placed into administration!!
Rehash, ya, HERE'S A BIG FUNNY!!! as the FT puts it, a subset of Bahama momma accounts, and those using "certain tokens", have been able to begin withdrawing assets from the frozen exchange!!!
The REAL story!!! Not in the FT!! When chit is going on, Justin Sun is there!!! Usually we insert a chitcoin joke, but this time around, Tron has a pretty good looking two year chart compared to many!!
We heard that for FAME, Justin gave 800MM $$ in Tron to FTX. Then Sun set up THIS logic - FTX needs 8 billion. Just gave 800MM!! So, to bridge the gap, anyone who wants to withdraw from Sammy (which is everyone) can buy Tron at a 90% haircut, but then they can GET OUT!!! Shazam, 800mm becomes 8 billion !!! Wait what?? On the other hand, it's better than flying monkey bankruptcy lawyers, lookit Mt. Gox!!!!
Or maybe Justin just agreed to somehow redeem HIS chitcoins 1:1 even if they are locked on FTX!! Man that's some hardforking 24 carat magic in the AIR!!!! here's the late breaking reading music for YOU, Justin!!! Players!!! Players ONLY!!! Guess who's back again!! second verse with the HOT sauce!!!
The FT really dropped the ball not covering this madness. Sad day for journalism, but WE tell ya, cause we LOVE y'all!!
Poor Justin - he risks almost a billion pulling these shenanigans for fun n profit!! His stablecoin wobbles ,but that's ok man, he powers ON!!! Then, this is what the FT says about it ah hah hah hah ah ha hahah!! NUTHIN!!! "Certain tokens..." COLD!! Not in the FT of course: 
What does a brother have to DO to get some crypto FAME outta the FT!!??! 800mm USD in like, the worlds best chitcoin aint enough for a freakin NAME DROP, FT???? OOOOHHHHHHhhhh that hurts, Justin, we feel yer pain.
We'll fix the headline for ya Justin man!! "those using certain tokens" should read " we at the FT don't understand WTF Justin did, but he did SOMETHING with Tron and related altcoins, and now some funds are FLOWING AGAIN!! "
Anyway, BlockFi locked up and quit trading, reckon they were just on life support from Sammy. Genesis has 175MM locked on FTX, but they are BIG boys, they don't care all that much and they said so too, lol!!!
Man, the liquidators in the carib get a lotta action, yeah? FTX, while a very early rare licensed player in Tokyo, has small market share. They only used that exchange for their own arb, lol!!!
The FT calls this yet another regulatory crackdown. That's funny, keep swinging on that narrative, boys!! Nice spin, we see y'all! This ain't a reghammer, this is more like a criminal case, it's all driven by stories the Bahama cops heard about how Sammy swiped client funds. Even then if he hadn't locked up, who knows how long that might have gone??
Moving on gotta cover ground!!! OH here's a live one!! 
TLDR: some great reporting collated. Reuters said FTX transferred 4 billion to Almeda including client funds. The WSJ said FTX transferred more than half of it's 16 billion AUM to Almeda.
It's funny, the FT says that might actually be legal, what is crypto law in the Forest Moon of Endor or where ever Sammy hangs his shingle??
It was certainly very nasty - the loan was collateralized by FTT!!! Whoopsie!!! Icy disregard for clients !!
Following Sammy's tweets, FTX is illiquid but solvent?? OK, maybe. SBF sez he did not know his CLIENTS were all levered up 1.7 when he thought zero!! Thanks FT, NOW we understand!!! That's madness, FTX SELLS leverage, he damn well knew. It's funny, now NO ONE could ever believe FTX's books as part of any bailout due diligence!!!
OK, last one, we are all up to DATE now FT heads!!
Oh, CZ, don't say THAT......
TLDR: well it's true. Those close to FTX all just got burnt. Lot of rehash, then another killer quote from CZ: FTX ain't gonna make it on the Voyager 1.4 billion bailout!!
Bailouter, Bail thyself out ar ar ar ar ar !!! There's a few other projects (we already saw SOME) but CZ thinks it will take a couple weeks for all the bodies to wash up. Rehash Genesis claiming honey badger status on getting locked out on 175MM on FTX.
Finally, dear readers, this sublime, deeply awesome quote from CZ to close our busy day: 
TLDR: the market WILL heal itself!! Tell it like it is, CZ!! Yes, brothers and sisters. And the Justin Sun will get up tomorrow, you can bet your bottom dollar that he will... that two year print on the Tron chart just ain't that bad, 
hard to crack chitcoin jokes about it.
Not hard for the FT tho AH HAH HAH HA HA!!! "Certain tokens". Ar ar ar!! Sorry Justin, we know that hurt.
OK we gotta fade! We love all y'all, thanks for being here!! Please refer a friend: ambassador link: https://www.publish0x.com?a=WZdPKv2bKg
PEACE OUT!!
Love
Dave
@^*!#!@^B we missed the cryptofinance friday letter!! Lotta gloating, some worthwhile. 
TLDR: NOW we just think CZ agreed to a question, they are PUTTING WORDS IN HIS MOUTH!!! He said it's kinda 2008, that's all. Rehash, rehash - FTX lasted TEN DAYS after the Coin Desk story. Wow power of the PRESS people!! rehash, decentralized is a myth (sic) no it's not, and Sammy had 4 billion liquid, not 4 million. Another $#(#@$&@#*($& unnamed source, we don't CARE if THEY won't put their name to it!!!! Rehash, rehash, FTX had a CRICKET GROUND, ah ha ha ha !! And baseball umpires uniforms!! Don't forget the super bowl ad (ow!!)
The irony is Satoshi was so pissed at the Lehman bailout that he started Bitcoin, he said so in the first block!! It took since 2008 to recover for tradfi!! HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE!???! oh, a few months pal, take a deep breath.
Some person at the CFTC took down a post of themselves with Sammy, the FT has to rub their faces in it. OK, whatever,
Here's one we heard but did not realize how funny it was until we saw it again in the FT: Treasury took T-cash OFF the sanctions list. Then they put it back up! Still against North Korea, this time not against hackers, against weapons of mass destruction!!! Stop us, we've heard this one before ar ar ar !! The REALLY funny part - the Monkey Drainer used Tornado again just last week. Distributed code doesn't really notice this action AT ALL??? We hope you guys feel like it was a good week's work at Treasury, lol!!!
OK, a good quote, thanks FT!! The boy named Su is on twitter: 
Oh, jeez, we agree with FT!! Interpol, where ARE ya?? Su and Kyle are like at Club Med, fer god's sake!! #$#$(*&#$(*$&!!!! Two thank yous!!!!
Finally we close with a boring graph, Binance does 60% of all volume, FTX less than 10%. We thought it was worse than that.
So take the next step!!! FTX PIFFING JUST DON"T MATTER!!! SAY IT SAY IT @#$($#@&$!! YOU!!!
Peace out,
love
Dave
