Hello, HODLer! This time my travels have taken me further and wider than before (don't ask -- the kind of food you eat while researching ain't exactly health food), and I've managed to find five more specimens, submitted for your approval.

The Gamer -- These are people who live, breathe, and pee games. Every moment of every day they are refining their strategies and getting their mad skillz madder still. They love some sweet crypto like the rest of us, but it isn't their main squeeze. They'd play Splinterlands even if it paid out fiat money! That's because what fuels them is getting that class-AAA Devastator ship, that super-rare magenta turd card, the sword of 99 sex changes, or...

The Digital Entity -- This strange being has mastered some form of English. It puts together sentences that sorta make sense, but paragraphs are a lost cause, and anything more than that is dangerous to IQ. This entity might be an escaped AI experiment, or an autistic student tortured by a trippy English tutor. It seems to derive energy from confusion. Some researchers think that these beings reproduce by the aid of microwaves set to stun or by the dark rituals of the Old Ones.

The Political Rebel Without a Clue -- These people are ones whom life hasn't rewarded according to their politics; because they are not king or at least a member of the ruling class, they are busy taking it out on everyone else. /fight mode on! Their life sucking like a black hole is ALL YOUR FAULT, DIPSWITCH! You cause ALL THE PROBLEMS. If only you'd put them in charge, the glorious revolution would happen! That's when you give them all your stuff, coincidentally.

The Insider -- These people know the mods, the devs, or somebody deep inside the project. Don't ask -- they won't tell. They have special permissions, special access, and very special knowledge that they brag about endlessly. Every once in a while, they let drop something mysterious, but when asked to explain, they just post emojis of zippers. Of course, nothing important ever happens. Most of these are the devs' annoying younger brothers.

The Furniture -- These people have been around forever. They know it all; they have seen it all; they are unaffected by anything that happens. If the dip lasts three years, they're stoic. If they make a killing, they're stoic. Some people think that Furniture people are actually androids missing their emotion chip; other people think that they are proof that futurism works because they're already 200 years old or more! Nobody, however, knows what their master plan is, outside of avoiding ending up on home reno shows.

Until next episode, HODLers!

Check out earlier episodes here!

Episode 2: Five People You Meet in Crypto Projects

Episode 1: Comedies of the Cryptoverse