Although there's a tooon of coins out there right now, there aren't the right coins out there. So, what we should do is get the government involved to take away all the bad coins and force people...sorry, wait. That was my authoritarian cousin. I'm back. What we really need to do is to create coins that are right here, right now. Here are my suggestions:
OPC (Out-of-power coin). This is an interest-bearing coin whose goal is to fund the out-of-power parties in nations across the globe. How will those political parties ever survive if they're not hooked up to the government teat? They're always asking for money, and that's annoying. This coin stops that whining for good! More interestingly, it switches its payment targets every election cycle. The distribution of funds is handled by a decentralized federated system for every country that has a master node in it. These master nodes determine the payment cycle by according to the national elections in their home countries. This cycle is appropriately called an eon, because that's how it feels if you're the party out of power!
CMO (Crap Music coin). This coin has an icon of a turntable spinning poo and it solves the very-real problem of too much crap music. Instead of being a discovery fund for new artists, this coin generates funds to convince artists to never make music again. It is hoped that one-time payouts with legal on-the-blockchain contracts attached will finally put to death hick hop, generic folk, wuss hardcore, and other musical atrocities. The recipients of the target's funds are chosen by holders of the coin; all exchanges of the coin charge some tiny fee which gets fed into a master reservoir (these reservoirs are created by dams which are meant to symbolize stopping up the bad artists in a non-constipation sort of metaphor).
D2C (Day two coin). This coin is similar to CMO in that it too funds a master collection of funds to be distributed as needed; however, instead of picking people according to the holders of the coin, this coin pays out to society at large whenever a TLE occurs. A TLE is a toxic libertarian event, like legalizing all drugs at once, eliminating borders, or allowing the importation of haggis from Scotland. When one of these happens, we all suffer; the coin is named after what libertarians can never see - the awful consequences that begin on day 2 whenever their one-size-fits-all plans are implemented. Major investors so far are beer companies, Bayer, and Calvinists.
FUD (Fear Uncertainty and Doubt coin). Long overdue, a coin that mined the near-inexhaustible supply of FUD finally slithered into the light. This coin is guaranteed to rise in value whenever other coins decrease in value. It works by palm-sized devices that can pick up FUD rays, which are emitted by individuals whenever they are overcome by FUD. You and I can sense the presence of FUD rays whenever someone begins to sweat/swear for no discernible reason, they engage in OCD-like activities (when they do not have OCD), or they change their minds 100 times a second. One problem the technology has not yet overcome -- cats and dogs. Apparently these beings are FUD absorbers and instantly kill the FUDcoin devices dead. The only backer of this coin so far is Microsoft.
D20 (Twenty-sided die roll coin). Harnessing the spirit of tabletop RPGs and the power of the blockchain, investors who invest in the D20 coin are in for a wild ride! Not only is the daily increase or decrease of the coin's value randomly generated, so are the candles and the dips! The D20 coin is the brainchild of one of the researchers at CERN (name protected to hide his D&D obsession) who thought that the ups and downs of the crypto market needed to be made more explicit. Thus, the D20 coin. Its icon is, as you might expect, a twenty-sided die with a barely-noticable GG (for Gary Gygax) down in the right-hand corner. Early investors have been Steve Jackson, members from the metal band Gygax, and of course, ThinkGeek.
That's all for now fellow HODLers. Got any ideas? I will gratefully pick them up if you leave them in the comment section!
