"I wish we would stop using terms like Incel. I’m pretty sure that the urge to continuously put people into buckets and give that bucket a name has created more harm/hate than good/love."
— John Baku, Fetlife creator/founder/owner, on 2023/01/21
What Baku doesn't know (because he doesn't care to, consistently failing to educate himself on experiences/worldviews and issues outside his own), is that "Incel" is a term adopted by members of a certain community in the manosphere and they don't see it as an insult or wish to be called anything else. They chose to misappropriate that term. Besides, these ideology terrorists (yes, branches of the US government recognise them as that) are dangerous, pathetic and undeserving of sympathy.
Yes, Kyle, people who believe that non-men are not worthy of being treated as humans and only valuable as nothing more than a set of wet holes to fill, are those that deserve to be ostracised and labelled far worse things than "Incel". I don't see the term thrown around willy-nilly and I don't intend to stop using it to label someone exhibiting a mindset and set of behaviours that it describes. But ah, yes, the wimmins and their allies are just being hysterical again! Who will pwotect the poor widdle men from the feminist extremists? White Knave John Baku will!
If anything, Incel is actually a misnomer. It should be volcel, because they are very definitely and undeniably voluntarily celibate (even if they don't realise as much). They are just too lazy to do the emotional labour and self work necessary to get with the times. Feminists are not out to get Incels; Incels are out to get themselves! If you want to change the term (not that that solves the problem), let's use that (volcel) instead. We'll still know to what we refer.
To use Paul Elam's (founder of the manosphere) words against them, "Let's fuck up their shit!"
There are bigger problems on the site (such as stalking, convicted sexual offenders/predators grooming and trafficking impressionable members, and fuckbois and their ilk being given free reign, all of which makes members feel unsafe and unseen). Baku knows that, but he doesn't care as long as the deeply misogynistic riff-raff keeps putting money in Bitrot's coffers. What concerns him is the pushback they get from kinksters. By not doing anything about them, Baku is part of the problem an showing that he is untrustworthy. By allowing him to, so are we. Collectively, people get the leader they deserve and he is no better than the worst of them. The trust and support of a community only lasts for so long before it is lost, as Bethesda found out to its detriment. Baku and his team (majority cishet white people, unsurprisingly) have been given multiple opportunities to pull their fingers out and amend their ways, educate themselves and do the right thing, but have not done so. It is time for him and his team to go. If the site itself turns out to be irredeemable and it and the user base must go with them, so be it.
"Yeah, he’s a great example of willfully ignorant privilege. You cannot own this site and not be exposed to other experiences (like what it’s like to be Black on this site; seems like all the complaints of racism would get to him)."
— A friend, whom I am not naming for the sake of anonymity/privacy
False equivalence is one of the few lies (possibly the only one) that keeps right-wingers and their apologists ("libtard" Centrists) thinking they are still rational. They aren't, because false equivalence is a logical error/fallacy.
One of my biggest problems with airing grievances online is that we might identify and write about the problems, even get as far as making suggestions and discussing solutions, but it seldom gets as far as actually doing something constructive/concrete. What, really, can one person do in the face of large and complex issues, if nobody else who is capable is willing to stand up, be counted and pitch in?
We can ignore the problems and boycott/withdraw from participation in certain spaces (such as K&P, the section of the site which is now only the popular stuff, sans kink), but boycotting and pacifism seldom does anything to combat problems. Indeed, it often silently condones them and compounds them.
We all know that patriarchy, fuckbois and the manosphere is a major problem there (not to mention in wider society) and the reasons for their existence/ideology and how that manifests (including John Baku's pandering to it/them). We all know that allowing certain people into spaces not meant for them, making concessions for them (including censorship of certain fetishes/kinks for the sake of doing business with the major payment gatetways) and protecting them is detrimental to the established communities. Yet, it is has happened and is still happening with almost every decision Bitrot makes, because John Baku (the site owner/admin) and the carebears of FuckboiClownLife are doing just that. It is not solely their problem/responsibility; it is also ours. Every concession he makes and we accept without opposition is an encroachment on/erosion of our community, rights and standards, a loss of our freedom to enjoy a site that's supposed to be for us (not outsiders who trample on it).
We know the problems and some of the solutions. My question to you is this: What are we (the user base) going to do about it (other than write posts and messages that get ignored or deleted)? Who is willing to fight for the changes they want to see (or break away to create/join a site that actually gives a damn about its members and their kinks and keeps the riff-raff [and its disgusting, consent-violating behaviour] out)?
"If you don't like it just leave." — The people we're fighting to keep out
"Sure, that is an option, but where the fook do we go that both offers us what FL aspired/purports to and isn't sleezy as hell, with the same problems? Until recently, there hasn't really been any suitable replacement."
I've thought about the problems and have some suggestions/solutions, even the technical knowledge and experience to build such a site. I even have a list of people I'm willing to approach to be part of my team. What I don't have is the skills to pitch and promote it to both community members and backers/investors who'd finance the development of a new site. There are many hats to be worn and shoes to fill. I cannot do it all by myself and I don't have anyone that I know is willing to join me on such a project. Plus, being a cishet white man, I'm not even sure I'm the right person/demographic to be in charge of such a thing. Non-men generally don't trust us and I honestly don't blame them, given the truly horrific things I have seen going unchallenged/uncontested on FuckboiClownLife.
Nero's not even fiddling anymore, while Rome continues to burn. The firemen are no longer putting out fires; they're starting/fanning them. No wonder the site has lost almost a third of its members. No one has definitive figures (and Bitrot's not releasing them), but it's estimated that the ratio of men:non-men is as high as 50:1. With over ten million members, it's not quite the sausage fest that that implies, but it's pretty damn close.
Post thumbnail: Photo by Kelly on Pexels
