one man’s eternal contract, now slightly discounted.

The Minting Process

It started as a joke. I was on my fifth energy drink, staring at a blank screen, when I thought: What if I tokenize my soul?
So I did.

I uploaded a single JPEG — a minimalist drawing of a stick figure with “ME” scrawled above it. I wrote the metadata myself:

Name: A.B. Gobling’s Immortal Soul
Attributes: Eternal essence (1/1), Undying guilt (max supply), Slightly used

I minted it for 0.066 ETH and waited. Nothing happened for a week. Then one night, someone bought it.

My wallet dinged. I felt lighter. Too light.

The Collector

The buyer’s ENS name was SoulSnatcher.eth, and their profile picture was a cartoon goat in a tuxedo. The bio read:

“Long on damnation, short on mercy.”

They sent me a DM:

“Welcome to the collection. You’re #74.”

Attached was a spreadsheet labeled “Spiritual Portfolio Tracker.xlsx.” I opened it — 73 other names, each linked to an OpenSea URL and an expiration date set for the year 9999.

When I asked what would happen then, they replied:

“Metadata refresh.”

The Secondary Market

Weeks later, I checked OpenSea. My soul had been relisted — half price, with a “Quick Sale” tag. The floor had dropped on eternal consciousness.

I tried messaging SoulSnatcher, but their wallet was inactive. Someone else had bought me: CryptoReaper69. Their profile just said “Flipper.”

They’d added traits to the metadata:

• Morality Score: 42

• Trait Boost: Slightly tarnished

• Utility: TBD

I was being farmed for engagement.

Life After Liquidity

It’s strange living without a soul. My reflection doesn’t show up in Chrome anymore, only Firefox. I feel hollow, yet gas-efficient.
My dreams come with watermark overlays that say “Property of CryptoReaper69.”

My friends say it’s reversible — that I can buy it back. But every time I check, the listing price goes up by 0.001 ETH. My own essence has become a speculative asset with diminishing returns.

Yesterday someone offered fractional ownership. For the first time, I considered it.

The Final Refresh

Last night I tried to burn the token. Metamask rejected the transaction. “Token soul-locked,” it said.
A few minutes later, I received an email from OpenSea’s support team:

“We’ve noticed you attempted to delete a verified asset. Please be advised that souls are non-refundable and subject to platform royalties.”

Attached was an image of my NFT, freshly updated:

Status: Used
Condition: Slightly faded
Last Sale: 0.04 ETH

The worst part? It had offers.