For those of us who have lost weight and gained weight a few times, we probably have clothing in multiple sizes that gives us options should we shrink or should we expand. Once we lose some serious weight, however, one of the big questions that crops up is whether or not to get rid of clothing that has become too large to wear comfortably. Those of us with chronic weight gain/loss issues all have this clothing.

As I wrote this a month ago, I weighed 63 pounds less than when I started my weight loss journey. I have dropped from plus size to regular size, have a range of clothing now from size 10 to size 2X, and yet I struggle with whether to get rid of my over-sized clothing. Why?

The arguments for getting rid of or keeping that clothing all make sense. I’ve heard that if you get rid of your larger sizes, you have no clothing should you gain weight, which keeps you from gaining it.

This sounds logical, but for me, I don’t really buy into that because I’ve struggled with weight my whole life and never had any trouble or felt any remorse at buying new clothing that was needed for my increased size. I’m guessing my attitude at the time was ‘it is what it is,’ with respect to my weight and size.

I asked my sister, who is also on the calorie deficit diet, this question. Her immediate answer was “Well, yeah, of course you have to get rid of the fat clothes.” In her mind, she can’t afford to buy larger sized clothing if she regained the weight, so she knows that she has no choice but to keep the weight off. I don’t think that is enough of an incentive for me to get rid of clothing.

An argument can be made to pack away your over-sized clothing and store it. However, that doesn’t work for people who do not have a place to store it. When I had lost 20 pounds, I did pack away a lot of tops that no longer fit me (literally the neckline falling off my shoulder). I told myself I would donate or sell them later when I packed them away, but I’m not sure I really meant it, deep down.

I don’t know if keeping that clothing means I don’t trust myself that this is a permanent change? Maybe deep down I feel that I will eventually fail and gain back the weight? Or maybe I’m saying to myself that to give them away, I have to embrace a permanent lifestyle of managing my food intake in a way that keeps me at a healthy weight, and I honestly don’t know if I can do that? I talk a good game but am I really ready to live what I’m preaching and encouraging others to do?

I wish I had an answer to the clothing question. I don’t. These thoughts about clothing make me anxious. I have no idea why. If I gave away every item of clothing I possess, I am blessed enough to be able afford to buy more clothing that fit my current size. This little voice inside me says, though, “what a waste of money… you should have kept your fat clothes..” and that little voice is mean. It says ‘fat’ and it tells me I don’t deserve nice up-to-date clothes because I’m fat. That my punishment is to wear the fat clothes, because I was ‘bad’ and didn’t stay thinner.

There is a lot to unpack in that last paragraph. When I figure it out, I will let you know. l grew up in a household that was all about how things “looked”. Appearance at all levels was important. We never addressed anything bad or unseemly if it would make the family look bad. My mother dressed me in what my sister called ‘pregnancy clothes’ when I was an overweight kid. They shipped me to my grandmother’s house to be babysat on weekends, where I consumed piles of Hershey Kisses and caramels and other sugar-laden deserts. They knew very well what my grandmother was letting me eat and said nothing. I often wondered if my obesity was a silent rebellion against all the unhealthy issues in our house that were never addressed.

I think, at this point in my journey, and maybe you are there, too, it’s not so important whether we keep or get rid of our clothing that no longer fits us properly (I’m not giving up my 2X fuzzy lounge pants because I love them, and they are comfortable). I think what is important is that we understand exactly what is motivating our decision about our over-sized clothing, face any doubts and shame we have about it, and sit with those feelings awhile until we have some peace. It could be that not facing the many things we have stuffed away and ignored led to the weight problem we have today.

At 60 years old, I’m still learning things about myself I never knew, still understanding how my family dynamic and behaviors impacted my life and my eating behaviors. Yeah, it’s heavy…. Pun intended.

One month later….

Fast forward to 72 pounds lost, size 12 clothing fitting comfortably and some size 10 clothing can be worn. I had brought size 16 clothing with me to our summer camp and bought some size 14 pants. I had 3X, 2X 1X and XL tops with me. I decided to donate all the clothing I SHOULDN’T wear to the local thrift store near where we camped. Yes, I agonized over this decision but pushed forward with it.

My sister sat with me as I went through my clothing and chimed in her voice when I was reluctant to part with something. I ended up with a large trash bag full of clothing to donate. I felt good after the fact and have no regrets about it. When we got home from our summer camp, as I put away the clothing I brought back, I cleaned out all the clothing I’d left behind that was over-sized (see photo). It’s being saved for a relative who is visiting over the Christmas holidays.

I can say now that there were reasons why I didn’t let go of some pieces of clothing: over-sized t-shirts make great night shirts, I have some expensive jeans I wore to work that I think I can sell and make a few bucks, my fuzzy pants are too comfortable, and I want to wear them. However, I realized that overriding reason that made me anxious about donating clothing was that I was not ready to accept that my weight loss was permanent. I didn’t trust myself enough to believe that I was going to remain thinner than I had been in 30 years.

I’m now ready to believe in myself and accept the new me.

I hope you are ready to accept the new you too!