Why me ?
Why me? If you love someone else,
sharing your dark days and happiness.
Why me? If you like video games,
still make efforts to talk to me again.
Why me? If you don't like clicking anyone's picture but,
Secretly keep them in your phone as a name hurricane mixture.
Why me? If all I do is messing but,
you still hug me like I have done nothing.
Why me? If you are broken into pieces at all,
cause you know that my love can fix it all.
Everyday I ask question to myself
Why me? If you love someone else.
Life is too short to find love.. specially if you find someone who is close to you then it becomes eternity.
That's how our story begins.
It was a rainy day on a winter afternoon. He was sitting alone in the coaching centre and was watching the rain. Our coaching centre was on the 3rd floor. It was a small room and consisted of lots of chairs. It was time but nobody was there except Ryan. He was not so charming. He always used to fight in school and was a short tempered boy and I used to hate him a lot because I prefer not having anyone from school in the coaching centre. As in school we were normal as I used to ignore him. He used to sit in a row next to me and in every period he used to irritate me with his stupid talks sometimes I used to get so frustrated and sometimes i was like kill this man please.
One day I was late for coaching classes. I was standing at the door and my teacher ignored me. She ignored me like there was no one standing at the door but then Ryan stood up and asked me to sit. Then the teacher looked at him and scolded him and said, is it your business to take care of her? She is late and she will get in my class now to sit down and concentrate. I was waiting outside as I have got another class in the next batch. At that moment I realised why I was always being rude to him. He never was. Slowly we started talking to each other in school as he had a separate group coaching centre.
One day he was sitting alone on his bench then our classmate's name yuvika came to him and started teasing him. She was sitting on his desk and her fingers were touching his face. His face turned towards me and he murmured help me please help me what the hell is happening here? I was laughing so was Yuvika. The thing was Ryan was never loved by someone in school nor did he have great friends. You know typical boys humiliating each other but never knowing each other's story.
As Ryan joined the coaching centre at the mid of semester, the teacher asked me to give him my phone no. And ask me to share my book with him.
I was like "why don't you even bring your book to the coaching centre".
He chuckled and smiled.
After seeing this face of his
I was like what an idiot. We didn't have tables in our coaching centre so I held the book.
After half an hour he slowly put his hand under mine and said "now it's my turn to hold a book", I don't know what kind of feeling it was but it felt good.
I was never the type of girl who can love a boy. Of course I am not a lesbian. I never thought of having someone special in my life. I thought I was fat and I don't think that any boy would love to have a fat girl in his life as a girlfriend, but I was a great fan of my best friend Sarah and she was my biggest fan too.
It was evening, it was not a normal evening, it was 23rd December's evening. Our school used to organise and Christmas party at every Christmas eve every student used to wear party dress and enjoy at school. Sarah and I were on call and very excited. We asked each other about many things like what we will be wearing tomorrow, what will be the plan after the celebration and many more ideas of what we will be doing on Christmas.
It was a wonderful morning. I wore a black t-shirt with jeans and a blue overcoat with silver buttons.
I was at school. I saw Sarah waiting for me at the school gate. I ran to her and hugged her, then we went inside before starting the celebration, we all were together in our classes.
Our class teacher came and asked very politely if anybody has got the phone. Please submit it now or it will be seized and kept in the office for the whole semester. There were many people who brought phones, in those people there was one more person. Yeah you are right Ryan had also bought his phone.
Then we all went down and watched the Christmas function. Now it was time for cake distribution. We all had our cake and were doing a little chit chat. Then Ryan was coming towards me and I don't know why I was blushing. He said hi to everyone and asked to open the teacher's cupboard and gave him his phone. I went upstairs with keys. I felt like someone was following me.I turned and bumped into Ryan. I screamed and Ryan suddenly covered my mouth. There was sudden silence and my heart was pounding. I don't know but i was attracted to him too.
I was at home thinking about him. As it was Christmas Eve Sarah and I used to do shopping near the local market. We stopped by a restaurant and had pizza there and were talking about his crush. Suddenly I don't know I started talking about Ryan and Sarah was listening to me and at a point she stop me and said
" You like him".
I said what are you saying? He and I. No seriously, we are just good friends.
Finally it was Christmas, I was with Sarah the whole day. We danced and had fruit sparkling water and a whole chicken feast with herbs yummy. It was evening and suddenly my family planned for a night out. So we decided to drop Sarah on the way. It was a seven seater car and I was sitting in the last seat and there was a pop on my phone from an unknown no.
Hi!
Merry Christmas.
How are you doing?
How was your Christmas?
Then a few seconds later the profile picture appeared and I was shocked.
It was Ryan.
Sarah snatched my phone and texted him "GOOD NIGHT".
I was like Sarah. It was just 7pm.
She laughed and said are you interested in him?'' I nodded and said no.
She said then seeing this he will get that you are not interested and won't text you back.
We had dinner at an open garden restaurant and enjoyed a lot.
*Phone chimed*
Ryan: Hey! Wasn't it too early to say good night?
Nayra: sorry it was Sarah?
Ryan: ohhh. It's fine.
Nayra: :)
Ryan: So how was your day?
I chuckled a little
Nayra: Wonderful! Really enjoyed a lot with Sarah and family.
What about you?
Ryan: Nothing is just a normal day.
Nayra: Oh! Didn't you spend time with friends?
Ryan: I don't have friends?
Nayra: You are not such a great liar. I saw you with Ayush and the group.
Ryan: They are just formal friends.
Nayra: what about coaching centre friends?
Ryan: They are not so close friends of mine.
Nayra: Oh!
Ryan: well,where are you?
Nayra: I'm with my family having dinner outside at Hunger cure open gardens restaurant.
Ryan: I think I am disturbing you. Can I text you later and we can talk?
Nayra: yeah sure no problem.
Ryan: Okay ;)
My heart was pounding. I don't know but I wanted to go home and talk to him.
When we got home I ran off to my room and changed my clothes and sat at the corner of bed with folded legs and with a little blush on my face and smile on my lips.
*It was 12:30am*
I texted
Nayra: Hey! You still up?
There was no text for 15 mins. I was about to keep my phone away and it chimed.
*Notification from Angry man*
HaHa I saved his name in my phone.
Ryan: So what are you doing?
Nayra: nothing just suffering on the internet.
Ryan: I thought you were asleep?
Nayra: No, haha
Ryan: so, what did you do today?
I mean how do you enjoy and celebrate christmas.
Nayra: Well in the morning we prayed at church. Then Sarah and I went to a restaurant and talked with my cousins and friends. Later my favourite cousin Nakul arrived from Chandigarh. So our family decided to have dinner outside.
Ryan: woah! Great day girl.
Nayra: yeah
Ryan : So tell me about yourself.
Nayra: my father used to love having gatherings with friends and family. I love them too like at least we all are together.
Ryan: Oh! That's really great.
What does your father do?
Nayra: well he is no more. It's been 3 years ago he passed away.
Ryan: I'm sorry to hear that.
Nayra: Don't be sorry it's fine.
Ryan: You remember that picnic case of our school. That girl who accidentally fell into a dam.
Nayra: yeah remember we were kids and for like 7 years. We didn't go for a picnic.
Ryan: well she was my cousin.
Nayra: I'm sorry
Ryan: Don't be :)
I don't know Nayra. I just felt like talking to you.
Nayra: It's fine if you can.
Ryan: Well my cousin's name was Yashu and she was my best cousin. Though I was small I was really attached to her. She was an angel to me.
Nayra: I can understand.
Ryan : Thank you.
Nayra: you stupid boy why are you thanking me.
Ryan: you are sweet.
Nayra: thank you
Ryan: you too Don't thank me for complimenting you.
Nayra: you are seriously a nice person
Ryan: oh my God! me nice! it's really a good joke
Nayra: Seriously.
And we talked till morning he told me everything like his family issues and I told him about my father. That was the night that made our bond so clear and good. He also confessed to me that he has a crush on a junior in the coaching centre. Her name was Riddhi. Well I was not so happy to hear that, I don't know why I wasn't but I wanna to see Ryan happy.
I had my breakfast and got a text from him "Good Morning".
I was blushing like hell.
Then it was coaching time. I went there and he was waiting for me at the balcony and said he got me something.
I said " I can't take anything from you, it's just been a few hours we got to know each other best.
We used to talk daily at night. He used to share his problems like fights in the family, having no friends and complaining about himself that he is not that smart. Well I told him that if Riddhi loves him, looks will not matter to her.
It was New Year's Eve and I was at my cousin's house. We were trying a crazy combination of foods. That tasted drastic and finally it was 12:00 midnight.
"HAPPY NEW YEAR'S TO EVERYONE" we all cousins hugged in groups and then I went to the balcony and looked in the sky and called Sarah and wished her whole family. Her family was closest to me. Then a message popped up.
Ryan wishing me Happy New Year.
I said "same to you".
Then we did chat a little.
I woke up early in the morning and there was a message from Ryan.
"Dear,Nayra, you are the best gift I ever got from God and I really don’t want to lose you at any condition in my life. Always be with me in my hard time and you will never have to tell me to be with you because I Will always be there for you.You really filled my life with joy there is no sorrow now in my life. May you get everything you want, may this New Year bring joy in your life too".
This message made me the happiest person in this world. I couldn't express my happiness to him and said thanks a lot.
Nobody valued me that much in their life except my mom. Though my mind on the other hand was trying to stay away from him as I can't be so attached to him, cause that will only gonna hurt me
Time passed our talks became less and my feelings for him were growing but I couldn't express it.
It was 12:00 midnight January 24th. It was his birthday. We were talking normally. He was at a family function. I wished him and he was happy and sent a photo of a flower bouquet. I said don't send me, send it to Ridhhi.
He said I'll get it for her soon.
Slowly he started sharing a bond with Riddhi and started ignoring his group and me. Our coaching centre was shifted to another street. So I used to go with a girl named Preksha and she became my good friend.
One day while we were returning back she asked me about Ryan. I didn't say anything. Then she said how bad he is and told me about his fight with one of her friends Aman. That night I told him this thing that even someone in the coaching centre warned me not to talk to you and not be your friend because you fight with boys and are short tempered, but behind those chats I only knew him best. He wasn't short tempered, his story was different. He was rejected by two girls he had a crush on who humiliated him in front of the whole school and on the other side family tensions and little bit of neglect from family it was difficult for him.
On 10th February Ryan made a plan with his coaching friends to propose to Riddhi as they both became closer and used to sit together. My class was over. He was waiting down for Riddhi and he asked me to wait, but I made an accusation and left. I was neither happy nor sad, but one thing made me feel good that finally Ryan was gonna smile and start being happy.
Next day when Preksha and I were walking. She told me that Ryan proposed Riddhi and she rejected him. I asked her if Riddhi liked him, as they both were close to each other.
When it was our class he was sitting quietly and with an angry gesture he was sitting alone. That day he didn't even talk to his coaching friends.
It was the 13th of February evening. I had my dinner and was playing video games with my cousin. Suddenly a message popped up.
Ryan: Why Nayra? Why does this always happen to me? Am I so bad?
Nayra: Hey you are not bad. Stop calling yourself like that.
Ryan : she also did the same. I think I was never meant for getting anyone's love.
Deeply I was sad with him. I wanted to hug him and comfort him. So we continued our chats and I was comforting him.
Next day I was early and he was too. He was sitting on a bench and was a little upset. He chuckled a little and then asked me to sit with him. I could see pain in his eyes. He stood up, went near the wall and punched. I got a little scared and tried to pull him away, but he wasn't bleeding. He hugged and cried that why with me only things like this every person I love, I trust leave me or treat me like a piece of s**t and humiliate me.
Teacher came and we were sitting together and after class we both were in class alone and talked. I tried to make him laugh by showing my funny snapchat videos. He was smiling a bit.
His eyes were so numb, I was like no I can't see you like this. Whatever and wherever he is I'll always love him and let that attraction be in that limit.
My love for him was unexplainable. I was happy in his happiness, even if it was with someone else.
Next day I introduced him to preksha. We three went out after coaching and laughed a lot.
We three used to study together and I used to drop both of them to science coaching while going home and walking and picking up Preksha after her coaching got over.
It was our first day of Boards exams and we three were nervous. I was waiting for Ryan, but he was late. I was searching for my examination room and from another side Ryan was coming.we gave each other high five and said all the best.
Exam was awesome. Later in other exams he used to peep from the glass of door and used to say all the best by doing thumbs up and doing some crazy stuff to make me laugh cause he knows that I used to get nervous during exams. I don't know how but it was just a few months ago we met and we knew about each other a lot.
Boards were over and we all were finally relaxed. So everyone in the coaching centre decided to organise a farewell party for 10th grade. We all enjoyed it a lot.
Our results were out and we all were passed out with good grades.
I went home one evening. My mother was discussing some matters with her cousins. She called me downstairs and talked about my studies and how I am. They were juggling the talks and then at last Aunt Mamta said that your mom and I are moving to Canada for a new settlement.
I didn't know how to react to this news. Going to Canada for further studies was my dream but there was something which was stopping me here. Maybe Ryan was.
Next day I called him and asked him to meet. I was so tense that how should I bring this to his notice that I'll be leaving in a few months.
We had some cold drinks and fries. He was happy for the next session and he was talking like a chattering box and I was sitting still and his words were mute to me. My mind was only thinking about how I would tell him.
I held his hands, eyes full of tears and told him about everything. His face became like a dull flower and he didn't speak a word while walking me home.
I texted him but he didn't even text back. I called him everyday 2-3 times, there was no response from his side. It's been a week. I went to his home. He opened the door, hugged me tighter and said sorry. We spended whole month together finally after 4 months I was gone. Ryan and his mother, Sarah and his family dropped us and said their goodbyes. I hugged Ryan and Sarah and we three had a selfie.
After arriving there I called Ryan. We even had a video call then a few months later he used to respond less. I missed him at every moment. I was passed out from school and this was going to be my 1st year in college. I was really excited. There was some new student who joined in between the semester. He was sitting near a window facing outwards. It was rainy and cold weather. I said excuse me can I have my book in the table locker. The face that turned towards me was so unbelievable. Ryan and we both locked eyes and I got shocked and we zran towards each other and hugged. Ryan told me everything that was why he wasn't replying. In those years he did have girlfriends but he left them. He used to stay in the college dorm room. Aunt Mamta and mom invited him for dinner one day. We all had dinner, we talked and then he and I went for a walk.
Then we both were talking about our old days like how silly we were and while talking we were cracking lame jokes. He was telling about his girlfriend and how he became addicted to smoking. He is still on his therapy and is doing well.
It was Sunday afternoon and I had some work at the college library. After finishing my work I went to the parking area. My car was punctured and my phone's battery was dying. Some drunk men were heading towards me and touched me in an irrelevant way. I was scared. I kicked one of the men and ran towards the dorm rooms. I went to Ryan's dorm room. I opened the door suddenly as it was not locked. He was with some girl they both were kissing and was sorry to both of them and then went down again. Those men were in a group outside waiting. I took all my guts and tried to run away and from behind Ryan was following me cause I left my bag outside his dorm. He saw that men were following me and were doing irrelevant activities. He punched a man and fought. He got wounded too. I called 911 and then after a few minutes the police arrived and Ryan was taken to hospital. I told the police everything my mom was there with me and I told the police how men look like. Then after that I went to hospital he got little wounds and had stitches on his head. He cried into fear and said how could you left like that if I wouldn't have followed you, you won't be here alive in front of me. You idiot girl.
He stayed with us for a week. We took care of him, we both were laughing again. Started sharing that bond again.
Everything was going good.Until one day a pandemic arrived on our land. Everything and everyone was locked themselves. Government announced it was a great pandemic. There were some students from college who were tested positive and were having flu and diarrhoea.
After seeing news everyone was scared and in my mind I was just thinking about Ryan. Is he fine? Because he was not replying to my texts for days. So after a week I decided to go see him. When I went to his dorm it was all messed up and he had Diarrhea. He cried hugging me. He didn't want to die, at least not today. I calmed him down and made him asleep. Then I called the emergency number and they took him. His hands were in my hands when they were taking him. He was screaming and crying that he was not ill. Half a week passed and I also tested positive. We both were in the general ward of the virus . My bed was next to him. We were not allowed to touch anyone even we can't speak and we both were weak. We used to chat a little on the phone talking about our school days. Smiling a little. We were taken care of by our superhero doctors and nurses. After one and a half months we were shifted to an isolation ward. We used to talk. His eyes lost their sparkle and his smile was dull, but still that little part of my heart, actually whole of my heart was only dedicated and loved him always. Finally we were out of hospital and we were fine. Mom and Aunt Mamta were in India. So they ask Ryan to stay with me. He moved into my house. He used to sleep in the couch hallway and we used to watch movies, dance and those pillow fights. Ha! Ha! And there's a secret he doesn't know how to cook. Last Friday he was making pasta and putting sugar in lots of chilies. Sometimes he used to get upset and miss his family but the most beautiful thing he said in the whole lockdown was that he was happy that he was struck with me. Well I didn't know that I will ever be his life or not, but he'll always be my eternity.
Eternity
I still wonder that feeling
When I first saw you
You were like an igloo
In my snowy storm
That day I met an Angel
An angel, it just felt like a miracle
You're the last piece
That completes my life's puzzle
You're the salt in my food
An earthquake that shook my heart's altitude
My dearest,
You made me your sole purpose
I'll make you my only destiny
Trust me, my love
I'll love you for an entire eternity.
Well Nayra I was not too bad I was the only one who proposed you. I still remember you got a proposal from Kanav and I was hell no. You are my friend no one can be with you except me. Well I proposed 2 times and you said no and the shocking thing was that it was your plan with Kanav. Just to make me realise that yeah girl I only loved you.
Nayra: Haha you idiot. ( with cheek kiss)
If you liked this post do check out our own website.
