Hi Everyone!
Good morning <3! I hope everyone had a good day these past couple of days. I wasn't able to write my 12/27/2022 post due to there being a power outage. The power went out for 26 hours. The service towers were so filled with everyone trying to access the internet through the 5G that it would either take 15 minutes for a simple google search to load or you'd get an error message with no luck. 
I've been back up at night again. I found the day to be too overstimulating for me and my mental health right now. There's been a lot going on with me that I have yet to share with everyone here. But the day was too much for me, the light, the noises, the constant buzzing of my phone. I couldn't get any quiet, it's like I couldn't even think. Luckily making the switch back took literally three seconds lol. I naturally gravitate towards the night. I always have. I'm autistic and sensory overload is a huge issue for me. For me the night was always my peace. I'm a true creative, a night owl, someone who thrives in the night. So here I am at 12:52 AM my time, back in the darkness. But hey, at least now we have power. Sitting in the dark entirely alone for your whole day with nothing to do and you can't see anything... well... it'll drive you insane! 
Yesterday I had a lot of time for self reflection. As a writer I used the flash light on my phone to write. Luckily my music is downloaded on my Spotify so I had some form of entertainment. But it honestly felt like a sensory depravation chamber and I was not having it. 
I talk a lot about mental and physical health on here in regards to my daily life. That's due to it being me, who I am and affecting every aspect of my life. Some may not like to read about someone's struggles. To each there own. I'm here to share my story, to document my life journey and to be a support system for anyone out there who needs it. Sometimes hearing that someone else is going through something too, makes you feel less alone. It can be incredibly validating. You don't need to get sucked up in life sucks. I myself always try to find the silver lining. But at the same time I'm never blind to my mental, physical and neurological conditions. 
I say this because yesterday once service was back up but power was still out. I called my Mom. I was having a rough time, I had just gotten back from a walk with my two friends Nick and Frost. I came home because I was feeling quite out of it, I couldn't think and I had become quite disassociated. Which I believe had a lot to do with the whole sensory deprivation chamber I was stuck in all night.  
I was hoping to find someone to listen to what I was going through. But sometimes I feel like in my Mother's eyes that she needs to fix me. That I'm another issue in life that needs to be solved. A puzzle with a missing piece that she's always searching for. And it hurts. I go to my Mom as mothers are there to nurture. But with my Mom I find for the most part I just get bombarded with questions, comments, opinions, solutions I didn't need in that moment and also constantly interrupted. It can be hard. 
I try to keep to myself. I don't like to bother people with what goes on with me. I try to cope on my own. But when I ask for comfort I get the "You need a psych ward" comment. And that's when it just breaks my heart. It makes me feel like no one really cares enough to be there for me when I need them. It's very lonely. 
Right now I'm honestly not in the best headspace. I have a lot of distractions going on around me at the moment. But I wanted to write something. Maybe tomorrow I will go into detail about what's going on with me. Or I'll probably make a separate blog post entirely dedicated to it. Know you're not alone here. Comments are always open. Sorry today is short and not really here. I just feel completely fogged. 

- Salem