Hi Everyone!
Good morning and Merry Yule! Happy Winter Solstice to all of my fellow Pagans out there <3 I hope you found a way to enjoy the Solstice day. I spent some time in nature today. Went for a walk in the snow though my pain has been bad due to my autoimmune flare. I wasn't about to not go and enjoy what I could from the day.
I lit up my Yule Tree <3 enjoying the light it brings to me. Spent time with my beautiful animals as they are so precious. I treated myself to a dessert of Gluten-Free Macaroons at my favorite Cafe downtown in my little city.
I spent my day mainly asleep. After waking up I had noticed I had a text from my Mamma. It sounded urgent in my opinion which immediately sent me into a panic. I was terrified that something had happened to my Grandma. Luckily she's okay. It was just more drama. In my family it's always drama. Which is why recently in the past few months I have cut out 80% of my entire family. I've blocked them all, we do not speak and they are fully aware that they are not welcome in my space.
This isn't some little family drama we are talking about either. My family since even before I was born has been toxic. Filled with verbal, physical, emotional and financial abuse. Filled with narcissists just waiting for family to die to collect their checks while they stir up hell for everyone in the mean time. They set out to destroy everyone. Six months ago or so one of my cousins was so desperate to get as many people off of my Grandma's will she was making up lies about me and another one of my cousins. Even setting out to get me fired from my job with her lies. We had to block her number on our work phone.
With my family it's always something, it's a very dangerous and toxic world to live in. It isn't healthy. Which is why I choose to remove myself from the presence of cruel people.
So immediately upon waking up I was greeted with one, my own brother stirring up drama. And my cousin whose down in California stirring up drama. Putting my poor sick Grandma Rosemary in danger and police had to be called yet again. Police are called so often to that house that police know my cousin by name. It's so toxic.
So my day already felt stressed out beyond belief. I was put in a bad mental state from the start. I tried my best to continue on with my day after getting off of the phone with my Mamma. Making sure to check in with her though through text to make sure her and Grandma were safe.
Though I tried to continue on with my routines, as an Autistic person I need my routines to keep me steady. But my mind felt cluttered, I felt anxious and overwhelmed. My pain was bad and I broke down.
My Dad had come home from work, I broke down to him. I felt bad to put my emotions on my already stressed out Dad, but I needed someone. I just wanted to sleep at that point so I decided I had nothing to do. I wasn't in a good mental state, I should just try to sleep it off. So that's exactly what I did.
When I woke up I did in fact feel a whole lot better. It's amazing what sleep can do for you. So I took a walk in the snow, I went to my favorite Cafe and picked up my coffee syrup from the market along with some peanut butter because that's my favorite snack. I had some this morning when I woke up.
When I got home I gave my Dad a piece of carrot cake I had picked up for him at the cafe. He was happy he had dessert to bring in his lunch box to work. I hope he enjoyed it, I'll be sure to ask if that's a good one to keep getting for him when he gets home from work tonight.
I spent some time with my Dad, then did some work on the Mechanical Turk program because for the first time in days I felt like I had a bit of energy to work with. Then just as quick as my energy came as a chronically ill warrior it left. So I laid down back in bed.
Dammie and I (my long distance partner) were texting sending funny photos of ourselves back and forth. I was scrolling through Tumblr sending him all of the things I found interesting. I enjoy having a partner I can share these things with. And he doesn't find it annoying. He actually finds it worrisome when I don't share with him. He enjoys hearing about all of the madness in my head.
Today's advice is to cut out toxic people and don't for a second feel guilty about it. If people show you that they don't care show them that you're better at it. Don't let people walk all over you. Your energy is far too valuable for toxicity.
Song of the Day:
Have a beautiful day, remember your value.
- Salem
