Sirwin
Sirwin
I dunno, it's an awesome squirrel. Why do I have to write a description of the thumbnail anyway. Seems arbitrary.

Yikes, sorry about that retard shit... I can explain:


Β 

You see, I was really really high.

Β 

I'm glad we cleared that up. You three fuckers who πŸ‘Ž'd that shit.. why, you're absolutely right. I don't begrudge that at all. Pretty fucked up.Β 

The couple a guys what πŸ‘'d that transgressive nonsense, well.. you'd be the kinda folks I'd hang out with in real life, but the πŸ‘Ž'ers..

I mean, c'mon.

They're not wrong.

Anyway, I'm gonna leave that stuff alone. For today.

Maybe do something a bit safer, like racial humor.

Everybody likes racial humor. πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ

Oh! Haha.Β 

Speaking of.

Little short story for you about my Saturday real quick.

So. I'm down at the ol' Magic the Gathering place down the street. Dreamers games. Love that place, nice owner. I probably put his fuckin kid through college.. πŸ˜…

So I'm down there playing EDH or 'commander' with my one pal. He's a chubby funster named Jason. Met him 5 years ago or so at a tournament, I had a bag of chicken wings and another bag of JoJo potatoes, had gotten full and offered them to this fella, redwood tree of a guy, boy howdy.. so, long story short, I've never been met with such gratitude for something so small. It ended up like adopting a puppy by way of having a stray follow you home after feeding it kinda thing.

Very endearing, dogs are my favorite.Β 

This fucker though, this Jason guy, he knows I can't help myself so he likes to set me up into situations where I have to do racial humor. Like one time I'm in the last round of a prerelease tourney, 3 wins, final game and the son of a bitch sidles up to our table and with a shit eating grin, simply says:

"So, the curse huh? You got the curse going on, it looks like"

That sonofabitch asshat magnificent terrible bastard.

See, HE knows what 'the curse' is and I know what the curse is but it's too damn funny to let it hang like that.

The guy in the final round of the tournament was an Asian dude.

You see, for years now I've gone 3-0 at these things, just to be paired up with an Asian dude who uses his abacus brain and beats the Hell out of me.

I keep loosing to Asian dudes in the last round, and we're playing SEALED. It's not luck. It's like how they have to do reverse Asian discrimination with college admissions, because the little fuckers test so high, half of Harvard would be Asian.

So, I went on a tirade of 'positive stereotype' Asian racism. πŸ˜†

My buddy and his buddy were besides themselves while I said stuff like "you people" followed by what about to compliments but said like a person with a white hood might say actually bad stuff. Like

"I swear to God I'm starting to not be amazed anymore when an Asian toddler plays Rachmonninoff on the piano on YouTube."

"You people have raised the bar so high, I won't be impressed until one of you is playing Flight of the Bumblebee on the recorder, in eutero." πŸ™„

Hahaha. That one paints a fun picture.. 🀣

Wait, I'm supposed to write something about Splinterlands, huh.

I don't know why I painted myself into a corner like this but I made another meme, inspired by my spending like a grand now. πŸ˜…

Gimme that cash bitch, I love you.

Β 

I'm not a black guy, I don't have a girlfriend right now, and I make it a habit not to ask people for money.

Besides that, this meme fits meπŸ‘Œ

Β 

I just spend fuckin like 200 bucks and my power level only went up 500 points.

Good Lord.

I do kinda like how it weeds out the folks who think you can make a minimal investment in anything and expect to make anything but a minimal return.

They'd like flood the thing with bots. Way worse than now.

I love the try-hards like me though.

White knuckling through this game trying to make a hard scrabble buck.

I'm not a rich dude myself but I keep fumbling into dumb luck with the meager sums I'm able to invest.

I just can't really pull any of it out without the IRS crawling all the way up my asshole, probably.

Which is kinda πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ.Β 

Ya know, I wrote this a week ago and even I'M not interested in reading all that. πŸ˜†

Β 

I get SAD when the weather changes.

Dumbest name for a condition ever, seasonal effective disorder aka: SAD. πŸ™„

Ooh, I'm not getting enough sun and I get SAD. πŸ™„

O deary me! I've got the SAD. πŸ™„

Real shit though, the mania has swung into a deep comfortable depression and I'm sat here once again struggling for the perfect joke to hang on a placard around my neck, from which a rope would also be tied because I hung myself in the garage.

HahahaΒ 

I love jokes like that when I'm depressed. πŸ˜‚

My psychiatrist πŸ˜‚ oh man. πŸ˜‚ he's kinda fun.

I told him suicidal ideation is like how he'd maybe think of taking a vacation and how nice it would be, like "Get it?"

He said, "No! Of COURSE I don't get it! Hahaha!"

I'm like, "Hahaha, yeah, no, I think it only makes sense if you have it" πŸ˜‚

I made a joke just for him.

Fuckin slayed him.

"You see, once you rationalize something. It's fine."

Hahaha. Maybe that's just a joke for psychiatrists. I dunno.

I like it.

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Hahaha OK kids. God bless. πŸ™

I'm gonna try to force myself to do stuff and this is a good outlet for the poison. πŸ˜…

Maybe I should branch out from Splinterlands exclusive stuff.. πŸ€”

Kinda painted myself into a corner. πŸ˜„

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Whitney John Haverstock
Whitney John Haverstock

I am a 40 fledgling comedian who lives at home with his mother. Way I see it, We're stuck by an invisible force onto an impossibly verdant sphere, hurtling ever faster through outer space, so.. I try not to take anything too seriously. Go crypto!


Splinterlands comedy hour
Splinterlands comedy hour

Hey folks. πŸ‘‹ My name is Whitney Haverstock and despite my cruel joke of a name, I'm a dude. Boy named Sue situation. Grade school was rough, but I don't begrudge it. Life's horrors served to slant me towards comedy as a coping mechanism. Meh. I'm having fun with it. What else... πŸ€” Oh, I just turned 40. Norm Macdonald died on my birthday..πŸ˜” He was more than a personal hero, dude was my spirit animal. Whole reason I started doing stand-up a year or so ago. -right before the plague and subsequent fires.

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