What type of friend have I been?  how have I pushed away those I want in my life?

My unreasonable expectations drove a friend away. While having an emotional reaction to news is understandable for one like me, freezing, going silent, lashing out in anger--that's not an okay reaction. 

A friend isn't responsible for your happiness; a friend is someone who offers support and wants the best for you. Friends should allow space to have misunderstandings or make mistakes, yes, but then hopefully come back together again. I wish it could've happened like that...

A friend has to see the other. Aren't I capable of feeling happy for a friend when something good happens? 

I think I am capable..I’m learning and growing..I feel a healthy friendship can be a reality, because I’m gaining insight and skills to be a better friend down the road.

Is a do-over possible? Dunno…You can’t go back to the start anyway..BUT you can go from where you are now and make a better ending..