Bullying is very much a schoolyard thing and whether it happens in the office or not (so called mobbing - I hate that phrase, just call it as it is) it comes down to the same immature mentality where the bully uses their power to overcome what they perceive is the weakness of their target. There are a couple of strategies that can help to overcome bullying - although this is mainly aimed at the schoolyard and from a male perspective.

Yesterday I shared on how I neatly dealt with a gang by confronting them more or less one at a time and it all fit together perfectly and worked out rather nicely. I was able to do this because where they perceived weakness in me I showed them aggression. 

I would like to just share another bullying incident and how I over came it before moving on, although bullying is a stretch to describe what happened. The most important element is the conclusion. 

When I was in my last year at school, so I was about 18, there was another boy of a similar age who suddenly inexplicably wanted to take me down. There were a number of pushing and shoving, as well as kicking out incidents in the school corridors whenever we passed each other. All were carried out by him and as much as possible I tried to avoid such encounters.

The one late afternoon, when I had just left school and was on my way home, I felt a sudden hand on my shoulder. I turned around and this lad cracked me straight on the jaw. I dropped my bag and pulled my fists up ready to fight and growled at him "Is that the best you've got?'

His response was to run away.

The next thing I knew, given that it was quite a tough neighbourhood, was that word spread that I was hard and not to be messed with.

In one word: RESPECT.

While this is not a true bullying incident the outcome is what is most important. Respect earns protection. One little thing to note before going on is to see that avoidance at best only brings temporary relief.

So there are a few ways to earn respect.

• Contrary to popular opinion if such incidents are occurring at school, do not inform the teachers. They can only shield you when they are there. Likewise parents should be informed, but take on a supportive role for the same reason. They need to help you develop strengths, take on self-defence courses or do whatever you need to do to build your confidence.
• Don't show those who wish to bully you any weakness. You will smell like prey and they will pounce. There always seems to be somebody in every class that almost has the word VICTIM tattooed on their forehead. Don't let it be you.
• Be realistic about what you can and can't do. If you are outnumbered or the person is much bigger than you think through the problem. Direct aggression is likely to end badly.
• Build powerful alliances with those who can protect you. Form loyal friendships 

On this last matter, the most important in my view, I would like to give an example.

Throughout my schooldays I had a friend called Andy, we are still in touch on social media but that's about it nowadays. However, and I'm not going to be very politically correct here, Andy had certain traits / characteristics that bullies would be drawn to. He was highly intelligent, polite and an all round well-behaved individual who was more than a little overweight, ginger, freckled and poor at sport. Finally, he was quite sensitive and under certain circumstances, despite his best attempts to hide it his eyes would moisten as though about to cry. He was a perfect candidate to draw bullies (please note there is no blame here, only objectivity because sadly this is the world we live in ). The only thing he had going for him, on this level, was that at least he didn't have to wear glasses, which was what singled me out particularly in my youngest years.

However, he was also very likeable, modest and friendly. In 14 years of schooling together I only ever saw him get into trouble once with a teacher and it was her fault. We were about 15 at the time and it was in English class. The teacher had given us an essay for homework and he simply asked how long it should be. Her response - and by the way she hated boys - was to answer with a question.

'How long is a piece of string?'

His response, "Twice as long as the distance from the middle to one end.' (I told you he was smart!)

He got into so much trouble for embarrassing and outsmarting her when she should have just answered the f**king question.

So, you now have some idea of his character I will get to the point. One day another lad decided it must have been pick on Andy day and there was a bit of a shoving thing going on in the classroom or wherever it was. Andy's eyes teared up as he tried passively to back out of the situation unaware of what was about to happen.

The rest of the lads, including me, stood up and told this lad to leave Andy alone otherwise there would be a big problem. The other lad, of course, backed down and Andy was fine.

The thing was that Andy never sought our protection but it was there because he had our respect and we covered him and while our peers can, especially at a young age, lead us into trouble they are also the best protection we can have.

I think, from what i understand, this would work with girls too, but girls tend to be more subtle and isolating. Don't allow such isolation to occur and build those alliances of powerful friends.

Likewise in the corporate environment do the same thing. Build alliances with powerful or influential people who can protect you. 

And that will be the subject of tomorrow's post, when Mama_Rah - my own wife - was mobbed and how it was dealt with.

As always stay safe and well my friends.