For today I have decided to publish something I wrote a few years ago that has long since been (traditionally) published. I like to mix up what i share to keep my readers interested.

I woke up angry.

I am aware now in hindsight that I was being completely selfish, but the way I saw things there and then in the moment was very different. Emotions distort reality. I was really hurt by Dominika rejecting me again last night and any guilt had been replaced with resentment and outright scorn, which found its outworking in a selfish determination to serve once again my own needs.

I will get what I want with or without her.

While I wasn’t quite prepared to voice my rebellion to Dominika, I had absolutely no qualms about meeting Elwira again.

In writing down everything that happened I’m doing my best to recount everything as accurately and thoroughly as possible. However, in truth, my memory of today isn’t as good as it was for Thursday. A girl never forgets her first time and with Elwira, it had been something really special and beyond my furthest expectations. Reality is almost certainly doomed to fall short of fantasy, but on Thursday they’d become almost perfect mirrors of each other.

No, that’s not true. I don’t know about for Elwira, but for me it’d surpassed even my wildest of dreams. Somehow if I could define what had happened in
one word that word would be more. It’d been primal and yet gentle, it’d been wild and yet tender and every little detail had burned an impression into my brain. If you were to ask me if I remember all of my adventures then most would be shadows and ghosts of the past with some particularly illuminating moments. Saturday with Elwira was no different. Some moments stand out while others recede into the past. They become faded relics lost in time.

Dominika was still asleep. Despite my anger and my desire for Elwira, my heart was still Dominika’s. I didn’t think I was confused, but I guess I was. I was
really annoyed about yesterday, but it didn’t change my love for her. I so desperately wanted to stay with her and hold her and for her to hold me back.
She only needed to reach out and I’d reject Elwira without hesitation. I knew my anger had made me blind and it’d be so easy for Dominika to make it dissipate completely. But in my heart of hearts, I knew and already accepted that Dominika wouldn’t give me what I needed.

With the sure knowledge that there was no hope of anything from Dominika, compulsion and greed had taken over. Elwira had invaded my mind and reawakened my lust and even though I wrestled with my feelings for Elwira the truth is that the temptation was just too powerful. She was as irresistible as sweet fresh water in the desert.

I hope you enjoyed! As always stay safe and well my friends.