Why do people change? William James said that the character of the human being is like the plaster, it is never altered. However, as we well know, this is not entirely true. Often, figures that are very close to us surprise us with unexpected reactions, with very different passions than they used to have and even with different behaviors.

All this is neither good nor bad, it is part of that vast complexity that defines us so much; also ourselves. Change is common, our personality is not engraved in stone, but some aspects are eroded, others are modeled with our experiences, thus tracing a relief that varies throughout our life cycle.

In this way, and although our essence remains enclosed in that bone cubicle that is the skull, we transcend beyond its walls to relate, to feel, observe and experience. There are facts, personal circumstances that impact us in various ways and generate a change in us. Other times, we ourselves are the ones who promote new behaviors, who are inclined towards other interests because we believe it convenient.

In this way, who has maintained a codependent relationship for years may decide to end that link. After doing so, he even feels the need to improve certain aspects of his personality, such as self-esteem, self-concept, assertiveness, resolution ...

In essence, the change in the human being is not only real, but quite common. However, at the relational level, all of this can take us by surprise, identifying reactions to which we are not always prepared.

"If there is something we would like to change in our children, we should examine it and ask ourselves first if that nuance is not something we should change in ourselves."

-Carl Gustav Jung-

Why do people change? Aspects that we must take into account

If we ask ourselves with some annoyance why people change, it is basically due to a fact. A change is a threat to stability; a different and unexpected behavior is almost like an alarm signal, something for which we are not prepared and that it is difficult for us to accept.

"Why does my partner say now that he doesn't want to ride a bike with me on weekends if we have always done it?" "Why does that friend now meet other people and not me?" "What will be the reason why What does my son have now such unexpected hobbies? »Could we give a thousand examples of all those situations where a change in others raises uncertainty and strangeness in us.

Personality is not always a factor capable of predicting human behavior perfectly. We can, for example, know a brother, our partner, our children very well; However, it is impossible to know 100% what they will do at all times.

As much as we yearn to know for sure how others will react, we are obliged to assume a high percentage of inconsistencies.

Let's go deeper into the subject.

People change over the years

The change in the human being is not only real, but necessary. Change is also to mature, is to awaken consciences and values to better face our reality based on needs and passions. This same conclusion was reached in an international study carried out in 2017 by several universities, where to understand why people change.

We all change over the years, and we do it precisely based on the well-known model of the big 5 personality, that is, according to those five factors that would structure human character. That is, it matures and changes our emotional stability, openness to experience, we become more or less outgoing, more or less introverted, we control a little more impulsivity, etc.

Why do people change? For a survival mechanism

A change in time is an act of survival. This is something that from the area of clinical psychology is very clear; Moreover, if change were not possible in the human being, we could not recover from our adversities, our problems and many of our mental disorders.

Therefore, it is essential to generate new patterns of thoughts and behaviors to get out of those situations that hurt us, whatever they may be. Moreover, although our brain is so resistant to changes, it is prepared for them by a matter of instinct and survival. However, yes, for this to happen, two factors are needed: to realize that we must change and commit to it.

We must accept the changes, in ourselves and in others

We have all wondered why people change. And we do, above all, because these changes have sometimes caused us suffering.