I'm super-heartbroken about the Paris Hilton Riots unfolding in Paris.  The burning, the fire, and the flames.  All the cool countries are being looted lately.  I knew this day would come, and have prepared a virtue-signaling meme in advance.  I've been waiting for a tasteful moment to post it.

I'm still waiting.  But the need to signal my virtual virtue, to express my virtue-al solidarity with Paris overrides the crass, tasteless display of my important, valuable emotions.  Hopefully, Paris will be empowered by the strength of this outwardly-meaningless, yet powerless, gesture.  This is the age of disingenuous opportunism.  The Paris Hilton Rioters get to stand on the shoulders of a dead kid they don't care about to initiate the next stage of their cultural and religious war; me and Paris Hilton get to stand on the shoulders of the rioters to promote our music and political careers.  I stand with you, Paris, through these times of great struggle.  Even as you weep.

Liberty!  Equality!  Sorority!

Lest ye think I'm being sarcastic & mean, here is proof that I officially endorsed Paris Hilton for president in 2016.

As this photograph clearly indicates, she literally has the president of Mexico in the palm of her hand.  If Paris Hilton were the president, Canada would be friend-zoned, and Trudeau would be begging at her heels for validation, instead of forcibly engaging in sadomasochistic violence towards his citizens.  And now we're dealing with the borders, a bunch of poorly-dressed immigrants, and Paris herself has literally been set on fire by radical jihadists.  If we enact a Constitutional amendment that would make her the president, perhaps Paris Hilton can steer the West away from the unstylish inferno it is now careening towards.  She can continue to keep Mexico on a pink, rhinestone leash, and convince Canada to send some jobs south of its border, to Chicago and Detroit for a change.

After all, as economic platforms go, "Stop Being Poor" is among my favorite.

Liberty!  Equality!  Sorority!

Save the West today.