Featuring The Lady Who Eats Songbirds, "Dirty Magazine" is from the album Slow-Burning Fun.

Thanks for listening.

Dirty Magazine

My baby's on the telephone again
she don't never put it down
so many times I've told her
we are only friends
but she's still hanging around

and it's all my fault
shut your trap you dirty whore
and pass the salt
and has anybody seen
my dirty magazine?

The day was hot and sticky
like a dirty magazine
and my baby is locked inside the john
he's the most pathetic excuse
for a man I've ever seen
and I feel no joy
and I ain't sorry that it's gone

and it's all his fault
get a job you stupid bum
and pass the salt
and has anybody seen
my dirty magazine?

I'm locked inside the bathroom
it's the only privacy I ever get
and my baby won't stop banging on the door
she's thrashing like an elephant
in an epileptic fit
and she'll nag all night
'til I can't take it anymore

but I still got a few tricks up my sleeve
and they don't involve lovin' you
you best believe
and has anybody seen
my dirty magazine?

you look just like your mother
especially below the belt
and your infantile behavior
makes me ill
maybe a bullet through the chest
would make your cruel heart finally melt
and if I don't put it there myself
you know soon enough somebody will

and I know all the tricks up your sleeve
not only are you bad in bed,
you're ugly and naive
and has anybody seen
my dirty magazine?

©Nathan Payne