It's important how we choose to deal with the things that have formed an opinion in our heads. We have to unlearn and relearn rather than get stuck with one view that can hinder our ways in life. Your exposure, as they say, is your reality.

We all have a different mindset and we are all guilty of holding a particular opinion to ourselves at some point. The truth is, in this life, we need to be open-minded. Being open-minded is the key to learning and embracing new ways of life so we can be better for it.

I came across something (as usual)... Don't mind me, I am observant and I get to see and hear things a lot. It's shocking how some people think and I wondered if most people think this way too. I would love to know what you think...maybe I am missing something here. I believe we can all learn together and I am open to seeing things from your view.

I think if most people think this way, we would either have more problematic marriages or we would have a low number of people interested in marriage. It is one of the most disturbing things I came across many years ago and I am taking it with more seriousness because I feel most people have the whole idea of marriage in the wrong way.

This guy is 40 years old and the lady he is dating is 27 years old. I have no issue with people dating older people... I once dated someone 8 years older than me, so it's about maturity and understanding. So, they have been dating for 3 years and the guy told the lady he would like to settle down later in the year because age is no longer on his side (I still don't appreciate people who think they need to get married because of age anyway...)

The lady asked if he was serious about it and he said he was. The lady later told him that they can’t get married with the 80,000 naira ($250) a month - that was 3-4 years ago... And that was what the guy was earning at that time. She told him to get a better job or find another stream of income. (This is not bad advice because I always say we need to be financially ready to a certain extent before getting married). The guy paused for a while and told her; "I think you are missing something my love...but that's not only my salary we have to factor in... we should be fine with mine and yours together and I know mine would increase over time since you know I am working on another stream of income too". To my greatest surprise, the lady blurted, "It is not my responsibility to take care of the house. It is a man’s job. So, it's based on your salary, no mine."

She was right when she suggested another stream of income. I think that no matter how much you earn, always try to have another source of income when it comes to marriage because a lot goes into building a home. You don't want to add the frustration of not having enough money to pile up with the pressure of running a home. Inadequate finance has broken so many homes and love is not all there is to it.

I think the lady doesn’t want to be with him. If you want to be with someone, you will have to support them (that's what marriage is about - support... it's not gendered specific as long as the other person is not lazy). I have a big problem with the way she thought, saying it is the man’s job to take care of the home. Would it be nice for him to tell her to quit her job because it's the woman's job to stay at home, cook, clean and raise the kids when it should also be mutual? It's a selfish and greedy mindset it's important to marry someone with a similar vision to what you are trying to build.

If you ever consider your age before getting married, you will put yourself under a lot of unnecessary pressure and you will always take it out on your spouse later when things don’t go quite well as you expected. I would be surprised if that guy ends up marrying that lady but I wish I can follow the story to know if they ended up together or if she was able to receive a talk down that made her understand that marriage is about support.

Marrying because of age would heap pressure and would make you not consider all the things you ought to consider. You will overlook the warning signs all because you are desperate. Never go into marriage due to desperation because you will wish you had waited a little bit longer.

Learn to change your mind from thinking that certain responsibilities are peculiar to your spouse. Always act as the occasion demands. If she is tired and you can cook, as a guy, please do...and if you can't, place an order to make things easier for her. If you have the cash and he doesn’t but there is a need in the house to be taken care of, as a wife, please take care of it.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.

Still me,

My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.

Olawalium; (Love's chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor's order.