Sirwin
Sirwin

"Yeah but you're my mess"

By buckeyebkd | Jesus-is-the-only-way | 30 May 2021


I was at work one night just in my own little world the way I often am with my ADD. I was kinda of talking with God in my head. I started tearing up like I always do when I feel his presence. I started feeling the anointing of the Holy Ghost with the goosebumps, hair standing up, and lump in my throat. I don't remember exactly what the thoughts were going through my head but I remember thinking most the time I'm just a big mess. Just as soon as the word mess crossed my mind God spoke to me. He said "Yeah but you're my mess". Tears just started streaming down my face and I was almost sobbing at this point. I just felt so close to Him in that moment. For literary 45 minutes I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I thought God somebody's going come by and think I'm crazy. He said "Well you've never cared before if people think you're crazy". So finally I started to gain my composure with just a tear falling every once in a while and the guy that runs the other side of the line I work on came up to tell me he was getting ready to go to lunch. It really was kinda funny because when he first walked over he was like joking. When he got close enough to see me he must of seen some tears on my face or he could just tell I had been crying. His tone and demeanor just instantly changed and he walked away really quickly. About 15 minutes later he came back over to say he was finally taken lunch. I was like cool. Than in a really soft voice he was like is everything ok. I was like oh yeah I just finished some tool changes and everything should be good lol. It got me thinking for so many years I hardened my heart and fought my feelings and emotions. One of the symptoms of ADD is you feel like your emotions are on steroids. When you're happy you're really really happy. When you're sad you're really really sad. When you're mad you're really really mad. Everyday I would just try to stay so numb that I couldn't feel anything. Even though I had went to church a lot until I was like 20 I didn't understand that void I felt or the emptiness inside. I didn't understand that it didn't matter how much alcohol I drunk, how many drugs I did, or even how much sex I had I couldn't fill that void. It took me till my mid 40s after I got saved to realize Jesus was the only one who could fill the void. Now I feel blessed by the tears because they're not tears of sadness but of happiness and joy. So if you see me out and I have tears in my eyes just know everything is ok. As a matter of fact everything is better than ok. I'm most likely just having a conversation with God.😃😃😃

I want to end by giving honor where honor is due. Thank you Abba Father for keeping your hand upon me and my life. Thank you Jesus for being my Lord and Savior and for dying on the cross so that I could have eternal life. Thank you Holy Spirit for giving me guidance, discipline, comfort, and for being so much more to me than just a tongue talker.

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I want to start off by giving honor where honor is due. Thank you Abba Father for keeping your hand upon me and my life. Thank you Jesus for being my Lord and Savior and for laying down your life so that I could have eternal life. Thank you Holy Spirit for guidance, discipline, comfort, and for being so much more than just a tongue talker. I just want to share the gospel of JESUS CHRIST with everyone that I possibly can.

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