Sirwin
Sirwin

Am I Worthy???

By buckeyebkd | Jesus-is-the-only-way | 13 Jun 2021


I'm working on 4 post right now in my series The Bible Says ______!!! Or Does It ??? but I want to take a small break from that right now. This post is one that's very personal to me and is some of the things that I've been battling my whole life. 

I'm not a preacher. I'm not a minister. I'm not a prophet. I'm not a mighty man of God. I'm just a Christian that studies hard and believes in the Word of God with every fiber of my being. It's very very easy for me to sit down and type out a  Facebook post or a post for one of my blogs. I enjoy it and I think I'm actually reaching people and spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

What's not easy for me (believe it or not) is speaking these things. I've shared before that I have ADD and one of the symptoms of ADD is feeling like your emotions are on steroids. I get super nervous when I have to speak. I'm not only talking about speaking publicly either most of the time I get just as nervous about 1 on 1 conversations. It doesn't have to be with strangers. I get these feelings from speaking to people I've known my whole life (even family members). I don't go many places except for church, work, and the grocery store. I have people invite me to cook outs or similar events all the time but I don't attend them because deep inside I feel out of place. I have family that will almost beg me to visit but I don't because I feel like I'm a bother or I will be a inconvenience to them. Because of these feelings I like being alone or with just my wife and daughter. Before I came to salvation I did a lot of drugs and  I do mean a lot of drugs. The drugs would numb these feelings somewhat so I could go visit family or attend events and not freak out. The higher I got the easier it was to pretend to be "normal". These are things inside my head that I've battled my whole life but I have mostly kept to myself.

Thursday night at church the service was going as normal. The worship team sung two songs. The pastor did the offering declaration and prayer. Normally the worship team will sing a third song and the pastor will preach a message. Well during the third song the Holy Ghost started moving and took over the service. One of the worship team members started talking about how there was someone who was struggling. He said "Someone is struggling about feeling worthy of the goodness of God. Your struggling about feeling worthy of the joy, the peace, the patience, and everything that comes with all that God is. Don't sit back for to long or you're going to miss the blessing God has for you. It doesn't say goodness and mercy will follow you when you're being good. It doesn't say goodness and mercy will follow you when you're doing right. It says that it will follow you all the days of your life. It will follow you to the top of the mountain. It will follow you to the lowest valley. I don't care who you are don't sit back and miss your blessing. Because right now is the moment that God wants to bring your world upside down and lift your family upside down". I just knew he was speaking to me. Over the last 6 months God has been trying to get me to step up and step more into my calling but I've been ignoring the calling. There's been many times God had shown me different people who were struggling and that He wanted me to go pray for. I would sit back making excuses like well they don't want me to pray for them. Lord what if I get up to them and don't know what to say when I'm praying? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I offend them? By the time I would make it through all the thoughts of me being spiritually unworthy of praying for someone else the moment had pass. Most the time another member of the church would go pray for the person. There's also been many times God has put it on my heart to testify but again I would run through different scenarios in my head of why nobody wanted to hear what I have to say. Well if I start talking I might make a fool of myself in front of all these people. I just knew that with all of this baggage it has to be me that's feeling spiritually unworthy. So a few minutes later after a few others stepped forward I made my way up to the alter where I started praying. 

While I was praying God revealed to me that not only was I battling the feelings of being unworthy spiritually but my whole life I've felt unworthy in the natural. All the feelings about not wanting to have conversations with people, feeling out of place, or like I'm being a inconvenience to others is actually me feeling unworthy. This kind of blew me away. I never in a million years would think that I was feeling unworthy in the natural world but I was. Then the worship team member that had spoken before came up to me and started praying with me. He said that it stops right here and now. There's no more of feeling unworthy and that I am worthy. He said some other things to that I'm not going to share but this was just such a blessing to me.

I will never be the same after these revelations. God is good. I am worthy through the blood of Jesus Christ and if you are a born again covenant believer in Jesus Christ you are worthy as well. Don't sit back and let the enemy steal your blessings like I did for so long. Don't let the enemy trick you into believing that you aren't worthy. God loves you so much that he sent His son Jesus to die on the cross to pay for your sins. The blood of Jesus is enough to cover the sins of every person who has or will walk on this earth. I truly believe with all my heart that if Jesus's blood would only cover your sins and nobody else's he would of still went through with being a sacrifice on the cross. He loves the addict that much. He loves the prostitute that much. He loves the atheist that much. He loves the Muslim that much. He loves the homosexual that much. He loves the transgender that much. He loves the murderer that much. He loves the rapist that much. He loves you that much. He loves me that much. There's nothing that we can do to make him love us more than he does and there's nothing we can do to make him love us any less. He sees who we really are and chooses to love us anyway.

I want to end by giving honor where honor is due. Thank you Abba Father for keeping your hand upon me and my life. Thank you Jesus for being my Lord and Savior and for dying on the cross so that I could have eternal life. Thank you Holy Spirit for giving me guidance, discipline, comfort, and for being so much more to me than just a tongue talker.

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I want to start off by giving honor where honor is due. Thank you Abba Father for keeping your hand upon me and my life. Thank you Jesus for being my Lord and Savior and for laying down your life so that I could have eternal life. Thank you Holy Spirit for guidance, discipline, comfort, and for being so much more than just a tongue talker. I just want to share the gospel of JESUS CHRIST with everyone that I possibly can.

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